Mom with moderate dementia insists on sewing but it aggravates her. Should we try to discourage or let it be?
Mom is doll collector fanatic. Two rooms of her home have been taken over by this hobby and it has overflowed to other rooms as well. She used to make beautiful, intricate dresses from a slew of sample wedding gowns she purchased (over 300). Then stopped about 10 years ago. Now this is all she talks about.....making dresses once again. She still has all the supplies she needs (a basement packed and we run up and down trying to find the "right material") and an accessible sewing machine. Problem is she just can't do it any longer.....frustrations run high trying to thread the machine (she forgets how) and then misplaces the patterns she's using and can never find her pin cushion. It's a disaster. My suggestion is to remove everything that reminds her of sewing, but that would be the dolls would have to go because they are a constant reminder. And that would just never fly. Any suggestions would be helpful....we've tried diversion tactics, but nothing seems to interest her. She refuses to go to any of the senior centers for activities. She's driving my dad and us crazy. Did I mention she is very strong willed and stubborn beyond measure? Help!!
P.S. We are still working on the AL.....which I know would just put a stop to all this.
I have two thoughts. One is to disappear the gowns, sewing machine and maybe the dolls. She'll be angry, but she may be less frustrated. Tell her that they were discovered to have bedbugs or something.
The other thing you might try is, if she's having a rational spell ( they DO happen) is to show her an article about poor brides in need of wedding gowns. Does she have some charitable instincts? Would she be happy to make others happy?
My heart aches for her.
What I'd try is something simple, like the "fidget blankets". Let her select the fabric, cut it, select the thread too. You can baste it for her, and if she can't follow that using the machine (which you could also thread for her), just let her do whatever she can. Hand sewing might be easier, especially if her vision isn't that strong. (As I aged I had to remove my glasses more frequently to get a good look at what I was doing!)
It's going to be hard to balance the frustration of noncomprehension with the past benefit of accomplishment, but sometimes just handling the fabric and caressing it creates satisfaction.
Help her by putting the patterns in a place you can find, if she can't, by threading the machine needle, and by creating several different pincushions, some of which you'll keep handy for her when others can't be located.
But I do think that fidget blankets might work; there's no set pattern, stitching can be done by hand, and it doesn't matter what the finished product looks like.
There are really delightful projects available in our local Walmart, that through the magic of Velcro, super glue, self stick fabric tape, iron-on appliqué and other such materials, can produce a finished product that even I am incapable of ruining, and look REALLY GOOD.
I haven’t seen any doll dresses specifically but you might find a substitute that can satisfy her creative heart without creating frustration.
I’d also try the local craft stores and dollar stores. Maybe she’d be willing to try to “help” YOU make an autumn wreath for your front door or Christmas ornaments for the Church Bazaar or how about making doll furniture (kits available) ??
If she’s willing to TRY something different, of course she’d be praised outlandishly for her project. Hopefully you can find something FUN for her!!
Sheesh! That's... $300 an hour! - as long as you concentrate and get a bit of a move on and don't drop any buttons on the floor.
Did she at least throw in the button for free?
I'm in the wrong job.
YouTube offers many craft videos Some of them are doll related others cover other crafts that are fun to watch. Doll face makeovers, redesigning of clothes, as well as intricate finger nail art!
What about you helping her with keeping track of items and threading the machine? Then encourage her to make lap throws or baby blankets that can be delivered to the neonatal ICU or to the AL you are hoping to get her in. She can do them as simple 2 sided throws or use scraps and sew them together randomly, which is pretty simple. Or make blankets for the local animal shelter? Lots of simple items that have a tremendous need and impact. Directing her to be helpful might be the change needed for her to switch gears. Just an idea.
Another thought, would she be willing to part with any dolls? If yes she could adopt a woman and children crisis home and make small throws and gift a doll and blanket for the little girls in the shelter, and make larger ones for the older girls who are oft times forgotten in these places.
Or find a very simple toddler pattern and let her try that. Very few pieces, straight sewing lines, no gathering or detail. Just see where it goes
Dry herbs or specific flowers (like Lunaria, oregano, sage, artemisias) and let her choose which to use in the wreaths.
Or take her to Michael's or JoAnn Fabrics to select artificial flowers. I've never gone through that section of either store without having my spirits elevated. Even if the flowers are artificial, the beauty is so inspirational.
An even easier project is to create an arrangement in a vase. All you need is a good sized vase and flowers. No sewing involved, but she could cut out a swatch of lovely fabric to match and tie it as a ribbon around the vase.
She also used to make very intricate jewelry and I bought her some stones and beads and some fine stretchy cord to make bracelets or necklaces. She was thrilled, but she hasn't done it. The beads they give her at craft time at the facility are the type you'd give a 6 year old to string with yarn. She did make a necklace out of various shades of pink beads and proudly presented it to me because she knows it's my favorite color. I thanked her profusely but was a little sad because it's nowhere near what she used to be able to do. She used to take a lot of pride in making gifts for people. She did the knitting/crocheting, beading, stained glass, ceramics, and some sewing. It's hard to see her struggle and get so frustrated because she can't do those creative things. She likes to color and that helps. I've given her adult-pattern coloring books and crayons and markers. Maybe your mom would enjoy that too. She could maybe create paper dolls and make dresses for them that way. Not the same, but perhaps an acceptable substitute.
http://www.anythingbutbingo.co.uk/sewing-adapted-activity-for-someone-with-dementia.aspx
The first photo on this link shows a lacing project from Melissa & Doug puzzles. They make fantastic products which you can check out online or at Wal Mart.
Also, check out this Pinterest link for sewing ideas for those with dementia:
https://www.pinterest.com/cutiebeauty7/dementia-activities/?autologin=true
When I go into work tonight at the Memory Care community where I work, I will ask if the activity director knows of any special ideas for people such as your mom.
Best of luck!
Try to get out but let her do her thing while she can as long as she isn't hurting herself physically.
I don't know if this would be worth trying, but what about undressing the dolls and talking to her about how their costumes were made? If you can divert her onto dressing and undressing rather than making new models, and tactfully remove triggers like the sewing machine bit by bit, perhaps it would help to wean her off.
She doesn't like petit point or anything like that? Far fewer steps to tax her functional memory, and there are some beautiful materials to work with.
Or... this is a long shot... if you have a college or school near you that offers a related course, what about seeing if you can recruit an "apprentice"? Your mother could pass on some of her fund of knowledge, and the student being on hand could keep the pin cushion and pattern and notions in order. (This might also be a handy way of finding a "good home" for some of the surplus stash).
We have an acronym in knitting circles: SABLE, which stands for Stash Acquired Beyond Life Expectancy - and we're all guilty!
You are right about surplus. I have extra of everything because so often you need one thing but it only sold in larger quantities, therefore leaving extras behind!
Have you tried those cards that you sew with yarn, kids used to do them when I was younger. Or maybe she could crochet?
Have you tried adult coloring books? I know of many that used them and they saved the sanity of all. You can even get apps to color on a tablet or computer now.
In my past, I performed as a semi pro musician, and over the last several years, arthritis in my hands has cost me the ability to do what I’d done in the past.
It is both painful and frustrating to be without an activity that gave me such amazing joy and satisfaction as a younger person, in addition to having people suggest that I play the kazoo when what I REALLY NEED is to play something wildly difficult and work up a good sweat while doing it.
You are absolutely right right about your mother, and about me as well.
Thanks again.
If you do leave all the items, she'll likely stay frustrated, stressed and make those around her as well. Sometimes, these things will just work themselves out over time. Eventually, she'll just let it go. I might be a little concerned though that she might injure herself with a sewing machine needle or regular pins, needles and scissors. She will eventually need to be directly supervised as people with dementia can swallow nonfood items or hurt themselves with sharp objects.
Check with the local History Museum in your town and see if they have any ideas.
You might even want to suggest a display of all the dolls and give a detailed history how she started this hobby and when.
I am in awe of any one that can sew. It has been one thing that does not "click" with me.
You could also check with the local Library for the same thing and see if they want a display as well.
And if she has been collecting wedding dresses that is another thing that many people would love. And if by chance there area any intact. There are people that would love Vintage Dresses for themselves to wear.