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Copy and past this in your browser. You will see many hospice options in your area. Call now. They will explain all the details. Don’t allow your mom to suffer. There is no reason she should have to go to a hospital to die or to suffer any longer.
Most people call in hospice or palliative care if someone is terminally ill.
To die not being able to breathe from COPD is an unknown, and likely to result in a very traumatic and painful death, hard on the patient, even harder on the family caring for your Mom.
She should have a DNR executed and posted on the fridge, so when you do call 911, (and you will when you see her suffering without the proper meds), the paramedics will know about her wishes, and act accordingly. She could also change her mind if able to speak.
Everyone has a right to die at home if that is their wishes, but no one needs to suffer. Get in contact with your doctor, so they can recommend a hospice agency in your area (you may call them directly yourself if you are familiar with them). A coordinator will come to your home and set everything up for you. A nurse will come periodically according to the needs of the client and caregivers. Your Mom will be given comfort meds according to her needs and will pass away peacefully and respectfully.
The real reason people don't want to die in hospital (my father didn't) is that they are afraid of tubes and drips and of being kept alive in a vegetative state, or too drugged to speak or think.
Your mum won't say this to you in so many words, but this is what she is thinking. ER would be entirely the wrong place to take her.
Try to explain to her the difference between a hospice and a hospital. The hospice just makes sure the patient is as comfortable as possible, bu there is no experimental artificial prolongation of life. If she accepts that, she can be moved to a hospice where the staff are trained to deal with every medical condition. You did not say that you have such training.
No she doesn't - they can come to the house and care can be given there. You cannot just shunt people into a hospice to suit you if they have expressly said they want to be at home. If you cannot cope then it may have to be considered but no one has to die in a hospice if care at home is available, their choice, and acceptable to the carer.
I'm so sorry you are going through this, not being able to breath is a horrible way to suffer and I hope you will take the advice below to get in home Hospice there asap to evaluate things. They should be able to make mom more comfortable at home hopefully but certainly without the ER as she passes. Their goal wont be to prolong her life it will be to make her passing as comfortable as possible and take the concerns about how to help away from you and the family to simply allow you to spend the time left with mom not watching her suffer. I warn you they will probably need to slow her breathing so much that there wont be much visiting interaction and she may go quickly but if that means more peacefully to me that's well worth it. I'll be sending positive thoughts our way.
My grandma went through something similar she had a DNR but she also had it set up so she wouldn't have to go through air hunger when the end came. Unfortunately when the Drs at the emergency room decided to remove her breathing tube they missed the part about giving her the drugs that would make sure she didn't suffer. Dr was out of town and she managed to get through to a Dr that she wanted to void the DNR. This all happened before mom and I were notified so make sure everyone involved is on the same page.
They removed a breathing tube knowing she would pass without giving her medications to make that more comfortable? I am very surprised they would do that with or without orders to the contrary. Typically if they have placed a breathing tube when they shouldn't have (DNR) they wait for the families ok to remove it, it's not an easy reverse once you have taken a step like that even if it was against directive's. But you are absolutely right, you want to make sure everyone is on the same page and knows what the LO wishes and directives are.
You need to call a hospice service now. I recommend Amedysis if there is one in your area . There services are legit and this will save you a lot of time trying to find a good one. Also you have to research advance directives and medical POA for you to authorize care if your Mom refuses. Advance directive is how she wants to be memorialized after she passes which saves time. If she passes at home with no medical care than its a headache of a coroner which may costs money etc.. So please call a hospice service today and if possible get her to a hospital and let them recommend one . God bless you and I am so sorry you are going though this.
Putting her into a hospice when she wants to be at home, just to avoid any coroner problems is not in my opinion doing one's best for the patient and relative. She can have treatment at home and still count as being under medical care she doesn't have to be in a facility for that to apply.
If she want to die at home then I think (providing you can cope with this) that she should have her wish. Her Drs can arrange for Oxygen in the home, and also a morphine driver which will ensure she is peaceful and not aware of any suffering. Obviously a hospice is an option but the same treatment given by you in the home is perfectly possible.
A morphine drip, any dosing for this situation really would have to be supervised at home. It wouldn't necessarily require a medical professional to be present 24/7 but it would require regular management by one and home hospice would provide that, along with training for family.
If it were me I would contact my mom's doctor and request hospice. They can come to your home so she doesn't have to go to a facility or the ER and they will make sure she is comfortable and supervise this last part of her life journey. They will also help make it easier on you and your family.
Firstly- my thoughts and prayers for you and your mom. My father in law was at the end and they told us the time was near. He had COPD and end stage emphysema. He previously always wanted to turn his oxygen up higher at home to be more comfortable, but wasn't allowed to as it was TOO much. In hospital (in final day) the dr granted his wish. He said it would make him go peacefully, without struggling. And so it did happen. PEACEFULLY. Not sure if your mom is on home oxygen therapy. But if so- and she is at the end, maybe you could discuss it with her and her doctor. However it does happen, may she go in peace at home and may God be with her and you both through it all and bring you comfort.
The problem is in the end the body can no longer produce enough oxygen to be absorbed by the body and Carbon monoxide takes over because the lungs can no longer dispel it.
If you have no DNR in place, google DNR for your state. Fill out and have Mom and PCP sign it. Put it on the frig so its available for EMTs if ever needed.
People get tired. I can't imagine what its like not be able to breath right. It must be exhausting and a strain on the body. Seems like Mom is ready. Hospice will keep her comfortable. Like said though, Morphine is usually thought of for pain but it also makes it more comfortable to breathe. Downside, the person usually is out most of the time.
I just lost a fellow classmate. He had diabetes, lost a leg and was on dialysis. He couldn't do it anymore. He went off on dialysis and chose to leave this world on his own terms.
I personally have left (with someone I trust) very explicit instructions that I will not be coerced into any medical treatment I do not want. I do not want to die in an ER or in a hospital. I have traumatic memories of hospital "treatment" that was harmful to me, so if I were taken to a hospital I would be subject to re-traumatization. I do not want to die in a terrified state. I do not want to die while reliving those memories.
A good hospice will go by the patient's wishes. Some do not, so be aware of this. I have done volunteer work for a hospice organization and I ended up making friends with the volunteer coordinator. She tells me she is amazed at how ethical her organization is. She tells me that some of her patients have used hospice as a way of making sure that Western medicine is not imposed on them. I personally knew a family that did this. Surprise surprise...the patient got better! The reason is that as soon as you get on Hospice, you aren't covered by insurance for anything except palliative care. This means there is shift, and a focus on relief of suffering. And yes, a good hospice won't force a person to go to a hospital. They will come to your home.
If she doesn't have a living will or OLST you can't just keep her at home to die slowly. Your choices are to bring in hospice care at home, which we did for my dad, or take her to the hospital and ask for cessation of life care. Depending on the legalities of where you are and her previously written instructions, a hosptial can make her comfortable, provide relief from pain and anxiety while medical treatment to sustain life is discontinued. At home you must continue whatever medical treatment she needs with (or without) hospice support. Not all deaths are easy, fast or pleasant so consider your family's ability to cope when making this decision.
Contact Hospice. They will make sure she is comfortable without having to go to the hospital. There is no need for her to suffer Please call a Hospice today You and she will have help and comfort and support probably within hours.
This is so sad & I’m really sorry you & your mom are going through this. You’ve gotten quite a few replies. Mine is that you leave her home & call in Hospice; like several others suggested. No, it’s not pleasant for you but, this is about her.
When the docs said my husband only had about a week left to live they said he could stay in hospital & die there. But I couldn’t stand the thought of that & he left it to me. So, I had him brought home. I wanted his last days to be in our home, in our bed & with me & our pets around him.
So, it’s up to you but, I’m suggest giving Hospice a try & see how it goes at home.
Hospice is free but they have to do an evaluation ,in Michigan they furnish everything , ie bed,walker, potty, bedside table and all meds required for comfort , they furnish a nurse ,aid, chaplin, and social worker all at no cost ,
I have lost my mom and oldest brother due to COPD. They both died at home. These were their wishes. Very tough on the caregiver. We didn’t have hospice for my mom but we did for my brother. I can’t say enough about hospice. If u decide to have her pass at home have hospice come in. Not only did my brother benefit but my sister in law did so too. They helped her by taking on the care of my brother. In our situation both brother and mom passed while sleeping. They both stopped eating and organs shut down. Morphine was administered by the caregiver via syringe under the tongue (no needle). This was done to calm their breathing and pain (if any). Hope this helps.
Especially if she is at the end - let her remain at home.
I can't tell you how many people told me to put my DH into a Nursing Home, but I knew he didn't want to go to a NH and I promised him that unless it was absolutely necessary, he would never go back to the hospital again either.
I allowed him to remain at home until he passed on - and I got to witness him reliving his life as a car salesman when he talked in his sleep. I was there when his deceased first wife came for him and the next day his deceased older brother came. The day before he passed, they must have come in droves for the way he stared up and the ceiling, looking everywhere. He had lost his faith years earlier but the joy, the rapture on his face that last morning before he slipped into the coma, I knew he was seeing everyone he had lost over the 96+ years.
Don't take that away from her or yourself. But do call Hospice/HomeHealthCare because they can make her more comfortable at home with help for breathing.
COPD is a terrible death not being able to breath...You need hospice to administer the morphine.. That is the only way believe me.. I have had four family members die of COPD. Lots of Prayers for the good Lord to take them home.
Hi Memax7, Going through something similar... although my mom doesn't have COPD-she has neurogenic pulmonary edema. Shes not yet at a critical point, but not wanting to wait until she is, I agreed to meet with hospice case worker this coming week. I was very hesitant because I still feel she can pull through this. Then had a really bad night that made me immediately research hospice in my area! Hospice is what you need to do for your mom. Hospice is fully covered by Medicare and can be administered in her home. They will insure she is comfortable, they will routinely check on her, provide any equipment you may require, and they offer both your mom AND her loved ones comfort and peace of mind that her final wishes are respected. I highly suggest; as the others have, that you research & interview hospice providers (you don't have to use one given to you by her physician if you find one you prefer BUT you need an order), call her PCP for the order and get your mom started immediately. Remember... once she is receiving hospice; in an emergency, you MUST call the hospice nurse NOT 911. Otherwise, her plan may not be followed AND her hospice status may be revoked by Medicare. Hospice often is seen as discontinuing care and bringing the end quicker....not true. Many times life can be extended awhile because the patient is more comfortable and receiving proper treatment quicker than awaiting appointments.
My mom passed away at home in 1997 on hospice care. She had COPD and did not want to go to the hospital either. She died at home very comfortably with family and friends gathered. The hospice workers were great.
You need hospice at once. They will keep your Mom medicated at home below the level of suffering. A death from COPD is suffering indeed if the patient is not medicated below the level that it can be felt; imagine a slow suffocation. Please ask for hospice at once, whether at home or in hospice care itself as an inpatient. I am so sorry for what you are all having to endure.
things are better than yesterday. So sorry I haven’t answered anyone. But I will!! To each and everyone of you that show so much compassion. I am truly in shock of all the stories, great advice... and such caring comments! I love the support!! Thank you all💕
Emphysema is the Word, My own at Home Dad is Dying from it. My sister is POA for him and he is Okay to Stay as long as he feels he can Handle it. Your Own at Home? DNR is a Form they will Make her Sign anyways and if she want to Die at Home...Let her Go.
I am so sorry that you are facing this difficult trial. There is nothing we face in life as difficult to deal with as the death if our dear loved ones. And the dilemma of how do give them their dignity, being able to grant them their last wishes and keep them from suffering is no easy task. When my father was dying from lung disease he wanted to die at home, even tho the Doctor had told him the last days were going to be very painful. But my dad was insistent so his Dorctor helped us get him on hospice. And like everyone here has mentioned, they were wonderful. They kept him as comfortable as possible and increased the medication slowly as was needed for the pain. My father was pretty much coherent until the last few days. They gave us wonderful counseling along the way as well.
The thing I am so thankful I prepared for was how this ordeal would effect me mentally and physically. Of coarse there is no way to be completely prepared as you never know what each moment will bring. We all also react differently to grief. But prayer was a life saver for me. Never underestimate the power of prayer and how much God can comfort you when nothing else can. (2 Cornithians 1:3, 4) Also reading the accounts of the resurrections in the Bible can be very helpful. My favorite one was at Mark 5:38-42.
I hope this has been helpful to you. Please know that you are not alone as you go thru this and we all want to be there for you to help, even if only by words of comfort. My prayers are with you and your family.
You can only be placed with Hospice if your physician refers you. You mother will absolutely qualify for their care. Hospice is paid for by Medicare, Medicaid and all medical insurance plans. Hospice will provide your mother with everything she needs to die with dignity and without discomfort in her own home. The nurse and doctor will see her in her home and all medications and treatment will be provided in addition to compassionate care.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
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Cambridge, WI Hospice
if she wants to pass at home, let her.
To die not being able to breathe from COPD is an unknown, and likely to result in
a very traumatic and painful death, hard on the patient, even harder on the family caring for your Mom.
She should have a DNR executed and posted on the fridge, so when you do call 911, (and you will when you see her suffering without the proper meds), the paramedics will know about her wishes, and act accordingly. She could also change her mind if able to speak.
Your mum won't say this to you in so many words, but this is what she is thinking. ER would be entirely the wrong place to take her.
Try to explain to her the difference between a hospice and a hospital. The hospice just makes sure the patient is as comfortable as possible, bu there is no experimental artificial prolongation of life. If she accepts that, she can be moved to a hospice where the staff are trained to deal with every medical condition. You did not say that you have such training.
So sorry that you are going through this with your Mom.
If you have no DNR in place, google DNR for your state. Fill out and have Mom and PCP sign it. Put it on the frig so its available for EMTs if ever needed.
People get tired. I can't imagine what its like not be able to breath right. It must be exhausting and a strain on the body. Seems like Mom is ready. Hospice will keep her comfortable. Like said though, Morphine is usually thought of for pain but it also makes it more comfortable to breathe. Downside, the person usually is out most of the time.
I just lost a fellow classmate. He had diabetes, lost a leg and was on dialysis. He couldn't do it anymore. He went off on dialysis and chose to leave this world on his own terms.
A good hospice will go by the patient's wishes. Some do not, so be aware of this. I have done volunteer work for a hospice organization and I ended up making friends with the volunteer coordinator. She tells me she is amazed at how ethical her organization is. She tells me that some of her patients have used hospice as a way of making sure that Western medicine is not imposed on them. I personally knew a family that did this. Surprise surprise...the patient got better! The reason is that as soon as you get on Hospice, you aren't covered by insurance for anything except palliative care. This means there is shift, and a focus on relief of suffering. And yes, a good hospice won't force a person to go to a hospital. They will come to your home.
There is no need for her to suffer
Please call a Hospice today You and she will have help and comfort and support probably within hours.
This is so sad & I’m really sorry you & your mom are going through this. You’ve gotten quite a few replies. Mine is that you leave her home & call in Hospice; like several others suggested. No, it’s not pleasant for you but, this is about her.
When the docs said my husband only had about a week left to live they said he could stay in hospital & die there. But I couldn’t stand the thought of that & he left it to me. So, I had him brought home. I wanted his last days to be in our home, in our bed & with me & our pets around him.
So, it’s up to you but, I’m suggest giving Hospice a try & see how it goes at home.
Best wishes.
, they furnish a nurse ,aid, chaplin, and social worker all at no cost ,
I can't tell you how many people told me to put my DH into a Nursing Home, but I knew he didn't want to go to a NH and I promised him that unless it was absolutely necessary, he would never go back to the hospital again either.
I allowed him to remain at home until he passed on - and I got to witness him reliving his life as a car salesman when he talked in his sleep. I was there when his deceased first wife came for him and the next day his deceased older brother came. The day before he passed, they must have come in droves for the way he stared up and the ceiling, looking everywhere. He had lost his faith years earlier but the joy, the rapture on his face that last morning before he slipped into the coma, I knew he was seeing everyone he had lost over the 96+ years.
Don't take that away from her or yourself. But do call Hospice/HomeHealthCare because they can make her more comfortable at home with help for breathing.
Going through something similar... although my mom doesn't have COPD-she has neurogenic pulmonary edema.
Shes not yet at a critical point, but not wanting to wait until she is, I agreed to meet with hospice case worker this coming week.
I was very hesitant because I still feel she can pull through this.
Then had a really bad night that made me immediately research hospice in my area!
Hospice is what you need to do for your mom. Hospice is fully covered by Medicare and can be administered in her home.
They will insure she is comfortable, they will routinely check on her, provide any equipment you may require, and they offer both your mom AND her loved ones comfort and
peace of mind that her final wishes are respected.
I highly suggest; as the others have, that you research & interview hospice providers (you don't have to use one given to you by her physician if you find one you prefer BUT you need an order), call her PCP for the order and get your mom started immediately.
Remember... once she is receiving hospice; in an emergency, you MUST call the hospice nurse NOT 911. Otherwise, her plan may not be followed AND her hospice status may be revoked by Medicare.
Hospice often is seen as discontinuing care and bringing the end quicker....not true. Many times life can be extended awhile because the patient is more comfortable and receiving proper treatment quicker than awaiting appointments.
The thing I am so thankful I prepared for was how this ordeal would effect me mentally and physically. Of coarse there is no way to be completely prepared as you never know what each moment will bring. We all also react differently to grief. But prayer was a life saver for me. Never underestimate the power of prayer and how much God can comfort you when nothing else can. (2 Cornithians 1:3, 4) Also reading the accounts of the resurrections in the Bible can be very helpful. My favorite one was at Mark 5:38-42.
I hope this has been helpful to you. Please know that you are not alone as you go thru this and we all want to be there for you to help, even if only by words of comfort. My prayers are with you and your family.