She can't handle a mortgage since I found out she now owes money on her house that was paid off in full when my father died. She took out this money to help her other sibling and that sibling children. She had a steady income coming in when her spouse passed away and spent all of that and took out an additional 100K to help my other siblings. I am ticked off and continues to ask for me to pay for things. We are talking about me paying her from 500 to 2000 additional each month until finding out she was not helping completely for herself but for my other siblings and their kids. Frustrated to know end.
Unless she has been judged incompetent by a court and you are her guardian, you cannot force to make sensible decisions with her money or about where she lives. But you certainly can make decisions about what you do with your money. Do stop enabling her self-destructive behavior of living beyond her means.
She tried to borrow money from me to lend to my siblings'. I was suspicious why she was borrowing money. I thought it was to fix-up her house and I told her that she needed to move out if she couldn't afford to keep it up (which she hasn't really been able to). It turns out that she'd lent siblings money now tried to borrow money from me to fix the house. I just plain said "no."
This all might sound harsh but: 1) Her mental health hasn't been good-enough for her to remain on her own but good-enough that she couldn't be forced to move. 2) She really couldn't afford to keep her house. It's old, needed a lot of work, it's sad, but I can't afford it, either, AND, since the money would be split, me struggling to give her money to fix it doesn't mean I'd get a larger split of the final house sale proceeds because we're not that generous in my family.
Realistically, it's hard. And, if my Mom had been really desperate and living in desperate conditions, I have to wonder if I might have eventually caved-in, who knows.
For my husband and I when he moves out here. She loved the apartment and signed up the monday of the third week. You have to be sneaky, and go online and find an apartment for you and your mom.Belive me it will work. When you show her tha apartment, say its for you. Tell her avacation would be good for her, then plan the vacation. She will accept it happily. Pami
You desperately need to get POA to even have a chance of rescuing her finances, so tread carefully and lightly. Depending upon her level of respect for professionals, it may be well worth taking her to see a lawyer or her doctor (who you should brief ahead of time).
KEEP IN MIND - when you're dealing with someone who has dementia, you'll always get further by entering their reality (even if it means fibbing and no matter how frustrating it is to you). In your mom's case, she KNOWS that she has the money to be the great benefactor to her relatives and no dose of reality from you will change that, so take a different approach. Be creative!
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