Mom receives little ‘gifts’ from the well-known charity she donates to monthly. Ever hear of this?

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Mom receives little ‘gifts’ from the well-known charity she donates to monthly. Ever hear of this?

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My late husband and i stopped at St. Josephs Mission out in the mid west and boy once they had our name it was a constant flow of "gifts" with a request for money. When I did some research, I found out they were nothing but scam artists who had several million in assets, and were sending dream catchers and other gifts. I also found out that the children they used as models for "Orphans, etc." were being used to help obtain donations under false pretenses. I called and sent many messages asking to be removed from their mailing lists. No such luck. It took months to be taken off their mailing lists. Because we were being send unsolicited gifts, etc., I kept the items and cut all contact with them.

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Kat; In your shoes, I think the wise thing to do would be to alert mom's lawyer to the fact that this is going on. Let the firm deal with this.

Because mom (apparently) has a "springing" POA and you have to standing to act until she is declared incompetent, you are best served by having other, more intimidating folks do the heavy lifting for you.

I have been down the dementia road with both my mom (very cooperative) and my MIL (totally NON cooperative). Neither is easy, but cooperative folks have better outcomes.

Since your mom is choosing, just let her be. You have NO responsibility here.

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I would call the charity and tell them to stop visiting.
If they want to keep sending her stuff, whatever. But, it would make me wonder if she's giving them more than you think she's giving them?

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Def calling again tomorrow to let them know Mom doesn’t have stocks or an IRA and inform them she DOES have a reverse mortgage. I’ll be happy to tell Gift Planning they will not get in her Will, lawyer knows there are questions about her judgement and safety that PCP will address this month.

Mom may very well be giving cash at time of rep visits. Wouldn’t doubt that for a minute.

Sad.

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My mom told me that she thought she was being scammed about a year from when I became her POA and would NOT allow me to try to find out anything about it, so when I became her POA and the "gifts" would not stop, I began a year long campaign of "returning gifts" to this particular and well-known scam business that advertises regularly on T.V., magazines, newspapers, radio, etc., and when they demanded the rest of a payment for one that I could not locate ( $7 owed), I wrote a heated letter to them inviting them to come to the storage units in 115 degree heat and look for it themselves if they wanted it that badly. I finally had to get the Guardianship attorney to write them a letter before they quit harassing me. Yes, it happens, and people are suckered in to it all of the time, and you don't have to be old and sick to become one of their victims either.

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Why go to all that trouble? Just don't send money. They will eventually stop sending to return address labels, nickels, postage stamps, calendars, etc. All these 'gifts' cost a pittance to produce and engender lots of guilt money in return, so they may not cease sending for some time. Just trash what they send or give it to someone who will use it.

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Another interesting aspect of charities is their bloodhound section. I learned about it when I changed my father's mailing address to mine, and the charities followed.

Apparently the USPO has a list of forwarding addresses, available to charitable entities, as well as jerks and scammers. I still get charitable solicitations and cards from those pretend real estate jerks, the so-called flippers.

If someone wants to play games with the solicitors, tell them you have your accountant evaluate their tax returns (and/or financial statements), so you need to have copies of them for the last 5 years... or more.

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Bearing in mind how fierce data protection law is getting these days, if the USPO has such a list I would be astonished if you can't opt out of it; in fact I would be surprised if before long you won't have to opt IN to it.

It's like all those cookie notices you get on websites - unless I'm in a tearing hurry I do have a glance at what they're up to with my data, and most (though still not all) "manage cookies" pages now show the optional ones Off unless you click them On.

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jacobsonbob, I like your method of response!

What we eventually did whenever my father got a solicitation from someone other than the few to which he eventually narrowed the selection, was to let me know and I'd research the exec's salaries.    Any CEO making over $100K either was told the next time they called that they were making more than we did, or he or I marked it on any solicitation with a SASE and returned it.

Sometimes I sweetly called the organization and told them that I never made anywhere near the amount of money these so-called charity execs made and I therefore never made a policy of donating to people richer than me.   I did that a lot.

It's amazing how many of these so-called charities pay CEOs $400K and upward.

I haven't seen any updates on the background research on the charity mentioned earlier, so I'll share a very insightful link:

https://paddockpost.com/2019/02/08/executive-compensation-at-st-judes-2017/

Note that one of the 2 entities, the fundraising one, has 1639 employees whose work focuses solely on fundraising.

Highest paid execs from the fundraising entity and the hospital entity both were paid over $1M for FY2017.     Note the ratio of men to women of the highly compensated people.

And the hospital entity paid for "tax indemnification". Look it up. Would you want your donation to be in part allocated for something like this?

Before anyone gives to any charity, do this kind of background research. Although it's different for each charity, you learn a lot from articles like the one I cited.

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Your state Attorney General should have pamphlets and reports regarding charities that are real or bogus. They do presentations at senior groups and retirement homes to educate the elderly about phone scams, mail frauds, solicitors, etc. My mother used to give to so many charities, I'm surprised she has any money left! Anyone with a sad story to tell got a donation, then they passed her name and address to others with sad stories. I throw out 3-5 requests for money every day and she hasn't lived with me in 3 years. I haven't had anyone actually visit though. The only people that tend to prowl our neighborhood are those fake energy companies. My mother nearly switched us to one when I was at work one day. My son called me and I spoke to the gentleman over the phone, firmly asking him to leave. I then called the town and asked whether his company had a permit to solicit. They did not. Haven't seen them in the last 3 years. The elderly are so trusting and people are so dishonest these days. We need to protect them.

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I live in the suburbs of DC, in a "small town." Facebook has a page called "Town of (my town)" for our area, as well as many other neighboring towns. Anytime there is a shady person going door to door, someone will post about it to warn others. Many others chime in about when and where the solicitor was last seen.
Same goes for the good guys. We have a man from the electric company who comes around and helps replace light bulbs with long lasting ones, etc, while giving you tips on how to save on electricity. THAT sounded shady to me, but people have called the electric company many times and he's legit.

My point is, get on the town page for you area and do a search for solicitors and charities that have been in your area. Or post the question yourself. I'm sure you'll get plenty of answers! Best of luck with your mother.

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A "charity" coming to the house is not acceptable.

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YES, I get a lot of items in the mail, but never a rep stopping by
I'd look into who these people are coming to your mom.

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My dad gets stuff in the mail. They dont come to the house.

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I have scads of little notepads from St Judes and other charities my mother used to donate to. Her mail was forwarded here at the end of her life and I continued to receive such things for a long time after she died. Finally they have stopped coming in the mail. She had calculators, blankets, tote bags, calendars and all sorts of stuff like that.

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AH, there might be some hope at the end of the tunnel???? I also have notepads, cards, etc that she gave to me AND now get them at my PO Box after forwarding her remaining mail to me, to ensure I caught all necessary stuff (had previously redirected her bills to me.) JUNK JUNK AND MORE JUNK! Charities (even some she didn't donate to in the past and hasn't donated to in years!), hearing aid places, investments, car warranties (sold the car YEARS AGO!), medicare plans.... I wasn't getting enough of my own junk mail, now hers too???? Mom is still alive, but living in MC. I can only hope it stops at some point, but given that I graduated college MANY years ago, I STILL get pleas for donations from them and have NEVER given them a dime! Personally I gave them enough in tuition, etc for myself (twice, going back to get a second degree more appropriate to my work) AND my son.

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It isn't just the "sketchy" charities that do this.
Elder family members had endowed scholarships at a college. They did this with full mind and intension. The college would invite them to annual donor luncheons and a representative would come by every year with a poinsettia at Christmas.
However, as they aged and finances changed, the visits seemed to be misconstrued by the older people, that in order to continue getting these visits they needed to donate more. I am not so sure that wasn't the undercurrent of these visits.
I called the college and said they were welcome to continue to invite them to the luncheon and to bring flowers, but they had to stop asking for more money.

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Probably the safest thing is to default to "no" when approached by these charities, marketing plans, etc. My father was good at this although he gave small amounts to a couple legitimate charities. After his death, one of them called and when I mentioned that he was deceased, I was asked if I wanted to "continue the tradition" to which I said there IS NO "tradition", I'm not interested, so good bye (and added that it's about time they became self-supporting).

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They left out some words.... "continue the tradition" to exploitation.....

I might also add I have my own "tradition" - being a cheapskate and using my limited funds to take care of myself!

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Yes! They do it all the time. My Mom got a tote from USO and a local charity for children. The charities have been doing it for a long time, and I don’t see them stopping anytime soon!

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I get them constantly. Even from charities I haven't donated to in years.. Calendars, tote bags, Christmas and greeting cards, dream catchers, return address labels, even tee shirts, gloves and blankets. I do not make donations in return unless I would have use for these things. Most I just gift to a charity , or to our local Senior Center. I do not view it as having any obligation on my part.

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I haven't heard of reps stopping by; that is truly frightening and I would be checking out those charities by name. Many charities now mail cheap goods made "overseas" such as small blankets, ornaments, plastic bags and etc. I know one quite famous Southwestern animal charity, given to in large amounts by a friend, that uses "Golden Circle" certificates and other such junk, then threatening you that you are "in danger of falling out of the Golden Circle" (using not their words to avoid problems). I am afraid that Elders are very prone to enjoy the little gifts and the accolades that they are excellent people, and so on. The more one gives the more the little stuff keeps coming.
But a Rep at the door? That is truly frightening and not something I have heard of. Will be following this one.

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Not only a rep, but Gift Planner. Scoping her out for IRA, stocks and her Will.

I don’t like that this charity has a separate entity to target people including the vulnerable elderly. Apparently it’s not enough that she donates monthly, I guess.

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Sixty years ago I recall my mother receiving "free gifts" from charities through the mail, hoping for a donation. The postman told her then that she had no obligation to donate to the charities or to return the gifts. Charities have changed in many ways since then and so have scams. However, door-to-door solicitations have pretty much stopped as many people will not open their doors to strangers.

My biggest concern is your mother (or anyone) opening the door to uninvited callers. We no longer live in a society where it is "safe" to trust that others are who they purport to be; there is no such thing anymore as a "safe neighborhood". They may operate under the guise of a charity, handyman, etc., but the real motive may be to "innocently" gather information about you, your family, your living circumstances, schedules, etc., in order to obtain data that could be used later to break into your home or for other nefarious purposes. It is risky for anyone, not just the elderly, to open the door to anyone they aren't familiar with. If the visitor has ill intent, opening the door makes their plan so much easier--and a locked screen door may not be enough to stop them. It is no longer unusual for crimes to be committed in broad daylight, and with the devices available nowadays, taser/stun guns, etc., many can effectively breach things like screens, glass, etc., and can disable you, rendering you helpless to protect yourself. Sadly, the drugs and meth plaguing our society are creating desperate and psychotic individuals who have mental disabilities, making it even more dangerous to have contact with those you don't know or haven't vetted. it may sound like I'm being overly cautious, but many others like myself no longer pass out candy to trick-or-treaters on Halloween because of this danger. It's doubly dangerous because it's no longer just little children participating in this ritual, and you have no idea who is under the costumes. This is also why many communities have begun sponsoring communal Halloween parties that the children and their parents can safely attend. "When in doubt, keep them out."

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Totally agree but she doesn’t see it that way. Her perception of safety just isn’t there much of the time. Combine it with bad decision making, stubbornness and willfulness to ‘do things the way she wants to’ = her being her own worst enemy. Husb has said this for years...

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Yes. I grew up with my grandparents. I remember seeing a small necklace as a little girl. When I asked her about it she said she had received from children's (I believe) charity she gave monthly to & showed me other items as well that she had gotten through the years. These were by mail, not in person because that is the only way she was in contact with them. Evidently this is STILL practiced as reflected in this article. https://www.jotform.com/help/479-Chapter-6-Giving-Back-to-Your-Donors-With-Thank-You-Gifts
HOWEVER legit they may/may not be, I would check out any people who personally come around bearing gifts. The best cons/scams/lies are based in truth. I want to ADD she had given, to thischarity over a period of years, felt much satisfaction & was pleased with her little "gifts"... she got a lot of pleasure out of this & her donation she chose to give helped others

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Mom won't allow installation of a camera? Or allow replacement of a light? Sometimes we just have to do what we know will help keep them safe. Take mom out for the day, lunch and movie and have that handy hubby of yours take care of the light and install a camera. Mom probably won't even notice.

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Great comment! Oh how I wish I had done this with my own parents... "just do it", it's not disrespecting them, it's absolutely the opposite. It's taking steps to ensure that these predators' disrespect of our elders is prevented!

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However she is getting these items, they are not gifts. These charities expect donations, every month and they will not leave her alone. Plus her info will most likely be given to other organizations. And it never ends. Find out who these charities are and call them. Tell them to leave your mother alone. And she is probably getting these "gifts" through the mail.

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Mom gives monthly.

The Gift Planning rep is looking for a larger donation for sure. The charity has confirmed Gift Planner’s visit to Mom.

I have no doubt rep came bearing said gifts.

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I like the ideas of putting up a camera and also no solicitation. You might want to notify the police of a possible elder scam in the area. Sorry you’re going through this.

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Great idea, but she won’t let my husband fix her outdoor light. There is no way she’ll agree to an outside camera installation.

10/30 PCP appointment, if Mom goes, hoping visit begins the path to a diagnosis.

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Diamond, I’d like to ‘balance’ Mom’s checkbook, too, but can’t just take it from her. 10/30 appt. with PCP, if she goes, and hoping for a diagnosis at that time.

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Is there anyway you can start monitoring her account on - line? I do this with Hubby. He is not computer literate. I can't remember how I did this, you will need her account number, I can't remember what else. If it is done on-line who knows?

In my case Hubby gives to two "charities" which are on the up and up. A third one is bogus and if I can get the mail before he does, I shred the letter. He is adamant, that he is going to give to them because they are doing good work. Since he is not giving too much money, I let it slide. Sort of picking my battles and right now, this is not the hill I want to die on.

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Katsimihur, uh oh. This does not sound good. "Gift Planning Rep" sounds to me like another name for someone soliciting a Legacy donation.   And "visit to sign paperwork"?    Right in line with someone seeking a Legacy donation.    These people are after your mother's money.

And a "regional office" that doesn't answer its phone or have voice mail?   Another bad sign.

This makes my blood boil!

I assume you searched on the number to back trace it? And got no hits?

It might be time to file a complaint with the BBB as well as the charity monitor I mentioned. If I can remember the names of the others, I'll post them for you.

The IRS has a list of fake charities, or those who aren't legitimate 501(c)(3)s, or who/which have been subject to disciplinary action.    Several hits are similar, but there are a few different ones to check out.   If this so-called charity is on the list, and is still soliciting, the IRS would probably like to know about it.

https://duckduckgo.com/?q=IRS+list+of+fake+charities&t=h_&ia=web

ETA: so they acknowledged she gave them money but wouldn't tell you the details?   A good charity would not EVEN acknowledge that someone gave money.    Another red flag.

What are your next plans?

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Great idea! And she should call the local television NEWS to come do a report about ELDER ABUSE under the guise of CHARITIES!!!

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Katsmihur, I start with the entities that monitor the charities. Charity Navigator is one; BBB is another. But in a search last year or so I found information that there really are 2 entities operating under the St. Jude umbrella. I can't locate the insightful data I found, through checking the charity monitors and online articles on the related organizations.

Give me some time and I'll see if I can find my old research. I found a few very good articles on allocation between the "sister" organizations.

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Thank you for offering to look up your research - but no need to trouble you! I’ll try the two you mentioned.

I did get through on the 800 number this morning and they located Mom’s record of giving. Although they wouldn’t give details, the rep said that Mom had been visited by their Gift Planning rep. I said she DOES NOT have an IRA, stocks, or willed money. It could have been a visit to sign paperwork, the rep said.

With that, I asked for the regional office number and location - a bit over an hour drive from Mom. Called numerous times and there’s no answer or the ability to leave a message - and no identification of the number.

How about that?

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It’s amazing to me what gets sold these days. I wonder if the elderly ever call any of those psychics that are advertised on television. My friend’s elderly mom went to see the Long Island Medium in person more than once. Those tickets aren’t cheap. She swears by that woman. She insists on seeing her every time she comes to town.

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Another one is a company enrolling them in a discount club where supposedly coupons for discounts can be used for future purchases if they order from their catalog. This was Blair Catalog several years back. They charged a certain amount per month on the credit card as a fee for this service. Watch out for that one too. They do it without consent. My mom had ordered a couple of blouses. Good thing she showed me the bill because it’s a recurring fee automatically added onto the credit card each month.

I had to call and cancel a discount club service that she had not ordered. I demanded a refund for the amount and threatened to contact BBB if I didn’t see the reimbursement. I got it. Looked up to see if they had complaints on them. There were tons of complaints. Guess who they scammed the most? Yep, the elderly. So sad. I suppose they are hoping it won’t be noticed on the credit card bill.

These scams are horrible.

The ‘gifts’ sound really strange. I wouldn’t trust that. That’s just too weird.

Yes, things sent in the mail such as calendars or return address labels after donating but not in person.

All these things are rackets. Ever notice if you sign up to win for something like winning a prize when attending a craft fair or the mall, then all of a sudden you get a ton of telephone solicitations. That’s why I don’t enter these ‘contest’ anymore.

But my friend entered a contest at Macy’s for a Mother’s Day prize to win a trip for four at Disney World and she won! She called it a miracle! She has two kids with autism and hadn’t been on a vacation in years. She’s a single mom. I was absolutely thrilled for her and her kids!

Many years ago I had an elderly neighbor woman open the door to anyone. She lived with her daughter and I told the daughter about it. Her daughter was at work all day. Once a guy asked if he could clean stains in the driveway. He rang my bell. I sent him away. He spoke to me through the door. He went next door to her house and yep, she flung open the door. It’s scary. I don’t trust people like that. He said he had chemicals in the backpack he was wearing and he would clean stains on the pavement. Who does that? That’s nuts! I kept thinking he could have a damn gun in his backpack.

It upset me when I looked out my window and saw my neighbor open her door and chat with him. She did send him away but there are odd people in this world.

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Thanks NHWM. Agreed. There are MANY odd people in this world, willing to take advantage of easy targets and the elderly.

A couple years after Dad died, Mom chose a garage-door repair company from the yellow pages because it offered a senior discount. Not only was the installation done improperly (door doesn’t open all the way as motor bangs into another object), we’re sure some of Dad’s tools were lifted. Of course, Husb and I learned about this from Mom AFTER the ‘installation’. He’s in the trades and could have completed the work himself for $ZERO. I feel ‘senior discounts’ could be an entree for elderly scams, too.

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Pam, have you ever had the chance to do a background check on St. Jude's? I did, and it was quite interesting.

I also find it interesting that there are now more charities advertising and soliciting participants for the $19/monthly plan. If I had the time, I'd check to see if they all have the same Beltway Bandit fundraising company. It's just TOO coincidental that they are all asking for a $19/month contribution.

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How is a background check performed??

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My mom likes to give to St Judes and I sent a small donation for her a few month ago. Since then she has been getting "gifts" from them every week. This does make me sort of angry,, these gifts and the postage are now more than I sent! I also sent a small amount to the Shriners.., so far no useless gifts from them! I know who we will donate to next year! But no person has ever shown up in person to get money.. this makes me nervous.. You say it is a well known charity.. give them a call

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I will definitely give them a call tomorrow. She has given monthly for 2-3 years but hasn’t mentioned giving $ to rep showing up at the door. And she does not have $, but does have reverse mortgage. Ugh.

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This is very odd. I have come across a lot of scams, and I wonder if the caller has some way to get the little ‘gifts’ from the charity, its warehouse, employees etc. Then uses them to go and collect donations for the pocket. I think that’s more likely than checking out the house for burglary. Definitely check with the charity.

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Your suggestion is scary and one I thought of right away upon learning of rep visits. Calling charity tomorrow. Thanks for your confirmation.

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Any chance your mother is not reporting this correctly? In other words, are people REALLY coming by her apartment to drop off gifts or is her mind playing games with her, perhaps? At the quarterly care meeting I had today at mom's memory care, I mentioned how hard it is for me to sort through the bull and the $hit she tells me these days.

Just a thought.

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Absolutely could be a chance! Along with changes in her perception of reality, lack of self-awareness in social situations - yes, this definitely could be a possibility, from what I see. Scary situation as she’s in her home, by herself. Happy that your Mom is in MC and can be monitored.

Thanks for your answer - appreciate being validated and heard.

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Mom receives little ‘gifts’ from the well-known charity she donates to monthly. Ever hear of this?

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