My mother is in assisted living. She has been feeding stray cats out in the parking lot for months (over the objections of some of the staff and some of the other residents). She decided she wanted to catch a mother cat and her kittens a while back and get them over to a spay/neuter clinic. Well, somehow she was successful yesterday (with the help of two staff members) and now has the mother and one kitten closed up in her bathroom. With the long holiday weekend I am thinking she's going to have to contain them there for upwards of a week or longer. It's a pet friendly facility but I am sure they require proof of vaccines, worming, flea meds and such.
I was going to visit her today and take her out for a while but now she's stuck there taking care of the cats. Plus, I can't go there because I cannot get sucked into being responsible for this situation she has created.
I am somewhat dazed and confused. She's entered a new realm of kookiness. I would love thoughts or comments from the members of the forum. She's a major fall risk. This isn't going to end well and, as usual, her poor decision-making is going to fall on me when the sh*t hits the fan!
I would not involve myself at all.
Your mother needs to live with the consequences of her actions. This is simply not your problem to solve. I'm curious to know why you think it is.
There's a technique used in parenting called "natural consequences". I don't recall your saying that your mom has dementia, so if she can still learn, this is the way to go.
Stop swooping in and saving her.
It does sound, larger picture, that your Mom is moving out of the timeframe in which she can be ALF patient and may need to move up to memory care or to Nursing Home.
There may be light holiday staffing soon, but the staff will have access to other staff on call. Put this in the hands of whomever is working. Our own Animal Care and Control does the same work weekends and holidays it does all year round in an emergency situation, which is what this is.
Hello toxoplasmosis risk, not just to her but any caregiver. Cat scratch fever, which I’ve seen in two elders. Like send intimated, how bout some flea or tick diseases?
Contact admin and tell them mom isn’t liable. They are because if not for staff mom couldn’t be in the imperiled position she now is.
If your mother gets kicked out of the AL, SHE is up a creek.
Not you.
She is not your child and you are not her Guardian. You don't intervene. Tell the AL to send her to the ER and let the state take control.
I only run myself ragged for folks who are cooperative. I take a hands off approach to those who are self-destructive, mentally ill and or "stubbornly independent".
They need more help than I or any mere mortal is capable of giving.
Prayers
Written letter to the Facility Admin, stressing how dare your staff exploit
the tender heart towards animals that your mother has, and actually help her to quarantine feral animals in her living space.
To support your mother in this "not well thought out" behavior of a vulnerable adult, the staff involved puts her at risk of falls, disease from fleas and ticks, and liability, at a time when her needs are too great to be caring for feral animals. The facility should be made responsible to treat for fleas and clean the carpet and bathroom.
Their actions involving helping your mother should result in staff taking the responsibility for their own lack of judgment, responsibility to rectify this situation should not fall on my mother or myself to rectify this impending disaster. end...
Do you think that might protect your Mom from being evicted, and from this situation becoming yours to fix? (Whether or not you agree, you can present this false bravado for liability reasons, or to fight an eviction.) imo. Poor cats, she thought that she was "saving" them. Sad.
Just thinking on it, and wondering what we will ever do when (not if) our elderly 'cat lover' ends up in AL. A scenario such as this did not even enter our minds, until now.
I hope that you cannot be drawn in, but totally understand your worry, on so many levels.
The cats should be let loose, returned to their natural habitat. imo. The mother cat may have other kittens to attend to.
See All Answers