Aunt is 99, is hearing impaired and sight impaired. Only plays bingo 1x a week. Participates if an animal is brought into facility.
I provide 99% of her activities as she is highly functioning, holds a great conversation about many subjects.
Also, I provide visitors 6 days a week to play cards, do puzzles, take a walk or other things. I visit in the mornings.
She receives her meals and her little one room apartment.
Hospice does all bathing etc - visits 3x a week - I thank God for these wonderful angels.
There is no oversight for private facilities.
I have offered to volunteer and bring in some activities to include my Aunt but they said “NO”!
They have their own version of Dementia, nothing like th ALZ version.
Aunt has Dementia (short term memory loss) which is why she is there. They never explained the differences between their version of Dementia and the ALZ version!
Best I can do but should be much better for the high price of >$10,000
A lot of people lump all dementias under the heading of "Alzheimer's" which is so very wrong, as they all require their own way of dealing with.
As I always suggest on this forum, educating yourself on whatever type of dementia your loved one has been diagnosed with is key, as knowledge is power.
I'm not clear as to what your complaint is here, other than you're having to supply the majority of your aunts activities instead of the facility she's in. Is that right?
Do you think that perhaps your aunt was prematurely placed in memory care and should instead still be in assisted living, since she is high functioning, as I'm guessing they offer more activities on the assisted living side then they do in memory care?
My MIL is in an excellent faith-based LTC facility that's been in existence since 1955. She's on Medicaid yet still has a private room. It's on a beautiful large lake, has raised gardening beds for the residents, paved walkpaths, and has scads of activities and events the staff encourages her to go to.
Just saying to maybe research a different facility, one that is non-profit. My MIL's facility sees the cares as part of its Christian mission for the elderly. It makes a big difference.
Your MIL is lucky to be in such a place and one that accepts Medicaid at that. Places like this are rare though.
If you think there's no oversight for private facilities, there's even less for state Medicaid ones. Those places are a thousand times worse than a private establishment. You would be shocked at how low the bar is set on state regulations of care. In fact, it would probably make you sick. It makes me sick.
Your aunt is very lucky to have someone like you who actually cares and who is willing to volunteer to do activities with the residents for free. That speaks to your credit as a kind and generous human being.
The reason why the memory care is not allowing you to volunteer is because they don't want an outsider spending time with the other residents and possibly get to know them and their families because that could lead to things like investigations for things like abuse and neglect which then lead to things like class-action lawsuits.
ALZ falls under the Dementia umbrella but effects the brain differently. But all dementias have pretty much the same symptoms because the brain is dying. There is short-term memory loss. Loss of reason and empathy. No filter.
You've got independent living - which is essentially off campus living - you are close to school, close to help if you need it, but you are pretty much on your own for everything. There are tons of activities, if you choose to get involved, but little intervention - it's not where you really want your more needy "students".
You've got assisted living - on campus apartments - you still cook your own meals, clean your own apartment, manage your own life - but you've got security - you've got an RA, you've got help if you need it.
And then you've got the dorms - that's your SNF or Memory Care. This where the analogy falls apart a little - but stay with me. For those that WANT activities - they are always there. At my FIL's SNF - there were movies, and games, and outings, and church, and Bible Studies, and art classes, and Donut Delivery day, and music classes, and of course PT and OT, and then free gym days. There was ALWAYS something going on in the activities room, gym, and cafeterias. The calendar that was on his wall had something going on every day, at multiple times from around 9am until about 6pm. If you were wheelchair bound - all you had to do was let someone know you wanted to attend and they would make it happen.
BUT, you chose - and much like the dorms - you had the option - to participate in the parties, games, activities. Or stay in your room and play on your phone or stare at your tv. (if you were cognitively able)
Beyond that - of course you have people who are 100% bedbound - but even then they would bring activities to them and try to engage them. They would bring music to even the bedbound that were barely aware of their surroundings.
Now, my FIL - was one of the sourpusses that thought everyone was out to get him and stayed in his room and sulked and was mad that people didn't come to his room and socialize with him (but when they did he yelled at them, go figure)
He had dementia - early stages. They diagnosed ALZ.
My mother lived in a great Memory Care that provided plenty of activities, but no bingo, drives in the mountains, crafts, etc, and I had to bring in nothing but snacks mom liked. There are plenty of managed care facilities out there, why does auntie have to stay in one you hate so much???
I moved my folks out of Brookdale and into a terrific non-corporate owned AL and MC because I wasn't at all happy with what Brookdale was offering them. Done and done.
You can hold your head up high knowing that you did your absolute best in the most trying of times.
It’s no wonder that you see dimes in various places that are sent by your dad!
I don't know that a nursing home would be a good deal better, but you sure could visit what's available in your area.
I am thrilled you found a great Hospice because many of them now are the darlings of the hedge funds, for profit and making huge amounts of money off of Medicare by cutting costs and visits and etc. They once were wonderful, providing what was needed. Now it is a rote formula of three baths, one RN visit, a call from clergy and a call from social worker along with "the good meds". I am thrilled you found a good one.
I think the well-meaning OP is subconsciously doing it for herself and not for her Aunt, because she's projecting what she thinks her Aunt's life *should* be like at 99.
If it's such a sub-par place the OP should look for other facilities for both of their sakes.
When I'm 99, I hope no one is bothering me to participate in activities. I want to do what I want to do. After working hard all my life, I deserve to sit and stare into space if I want to. My brain is tired already with all I have to do, so when the time comes to rest from my labors, I'm ready.
I suggest giving aunt a break while YOU go and do cards, puzzles and walk. She may be weary of your hovering ways.
OP has visitors come 6 days a week, for puzzles and games.
OP herself visits daily.
Meals are brought in 3 times a day, every day.
Hospice comes 3 times a week for bathing.
She goes to Bingo (typically 3 hours) once a week.
All these assorted visitors coming in and out all day, every day, would drive me crazy.
She probably goes to Bingo to get away from the Grand Central Station activity and hear herself think!? Give this poor lady a BREAK!
It sounds like you have scheduled enough activities for her.
Has your aunt complained to you that she is bored? Why does she need to have entertainment every single day?
If your aunt hasn’t complained about anything, my motto is, ‘If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.’
Keep up your work helping your family with your care & love.
But also if you want, keep up reading & advocating for better care in the aged care sector.
Dementia is a growing concern around the world. The more people who can have empathy & learn care practices that help the better! ❤️