After 5 years of independent living in a senior community, my mom moved to the memory care wing of the community 3 weeks ago. This move was made based on the strong recommendation from the senior living nursing staff. Mom was very unhappy with this move, and she is struggling with the adjustment.
A big part of the problem is that mom's unit is at the end of a long hall, and the resident across the hall from her ("Betty") wanders into mom's apartment. She wandered in several times on moving day; my siblings and I tried to walk her back across the hall to her own apartment, and finally had to have staff help her. We advised the staff and management that day, verbally and in writing, that we were concerned about this situation and that mom would find it very upsetting. Staff advised mom to push her pendant if Betty wandered in, and they would come to help. Management has advised us that "they are diligently working with Betty's family and other support resources...as we continue to implement a plan".
In the past few weeks, Betty continues to wander in every few days. She rifles through mom's make-up, opens her cupboard doors and sits down in the living room. We remind mom to push her pendant for staff assistance when this happens, but she has moderate dementia and doesn't remember what to do. I was on a phone call this morning with mom when Betty wandered in again, I could hear mom trying to direct back to her own place. Both women are elderly and use walkers. I am terribly afraid that one or both may fall during one of these encounters.
We have told mom to keep her door locked while she is in her apartment, but to me this is not fair for mom to have to hide out in her apartment. This move has been hard enough and now she feels like a prisoner.
I live 50 miles away, so I can't help mom in person when this happens.
I am at a loss as to what to do here. Any suggestions are welcome. Thank you.
This is a self-limiting thing as the staff is aware and eventually, Betty will be confined ore in a chair or she will be medicated more, or both. They are working on it. You can just keep reporting that it is a problem, request room change. But do know that memory care is what it is. Usually a place where the dementia is so severe that it is not really easily controlled, especially in terms of wandering, which is what has usually dictated the need for such a move.
I could say you could move, but this problem will occur and recur in most memory care units.
So even if you solve the "Betty" problem, trust me there will be another Jane or perhaps even a Joe that may wander in.
So for now I would just try to remind your mom to keep her door locked if it bothers her that much. But because your moms brain is broken chances are she's not going to remember to lock it anyway.