Thoughts on why someone would want to marry a man in the later stages of Alzheimer's? Father was taken to another state by a woman where we later found out married him. By this point in dad's life he was in Stage 5-6 of Alzheimer's. The word Alzheimer's was never spoken. She always had an answer for why things started to happen the way they did. New homes, new cars, trust changes, POD on all of his checking accounts. New POA papers, rewritten trust, trust funds being placed in her name as beneficiary, life estate placed on properties that were to go to my brother and I. Then the big one, she had dad sell our family farmland. The actions of a loving new wife? I have no excuse to offer for my own inactions. Dad deserved better. I had moved away and was unaware of his changes until I went to see him and he had no idea who I was in relation to me being his daughter. I was told the disease had nothing to do with his actions. I feel betrayed.
If you have documentation that he's in late-stage Alzheimer's, I think you could convince a judge that he was not competent to marry (a contractual agreement), assign power of attorney, nor agree to the expenditures and selling his farmland.
The money is probably gone, but you should try to save your dad now. Consult an elder attorney immediately.
When you went to see Dad was he being well cared for?
To me, when his children were apparently not terribly active in his life, and in his care, while all of this water went flowing under the bridge, that is the crucial question.
You seem not so much concerned about Dad's well being as you are about his assets.
If your father is receiving kind, gentle, loving care, this may be the best investment he has ever made. If he is receiving kind and gentle care, you might just feel relieved to go on with your life as you were, knowing he is being loved, and knowing he doesn't remember you any longer.
If your father is being abused in your opinion, do contact APS at once.
The question you should be asking this forum (and yourself) is: if your Dad, who is now cognitively incapacitated, is being scammed can you/should you do anything about it?
If you think financial scamming is involved you will need to talk to an attorney (criminal or elder law, not sure) to see what kind of evidence you'd need to produce. Late-in-life marriages are always fraught with complicated emotions, mostly within the adult children, and suspicions can run very high: sometimes warranted, sometimes not.
If your father had a medical diagnosis of incapacity prior to him being married, this is a legal problem for her because of changes in the PoA, trust, beneficiaries, etc. which cannot legally happen at that point. To me it smells suspicious but you need to decide to pursue it legally or not, and whether your dad will be left with any assets for his ongoing care?
Alva asked what his care is like right now? Is she sticking with him? Has she disappeared (yet)? Who will care for him if you gain guardianship? This is a distressing quandary to be in and I wish you success in getting clear answers.
A person in the late stages of Alzheimer's has no idea WHAT is going on! Which is why he didn't know who you were, and why the scammer he married was able to take such horrible advantage of him! I think you know the answers to your own questions.
If anyone 'betrayed' you, it certainly wasn't your father suffering from Alzheimer's, but the scammer her married.
Contact the police first, then an attorney.
Best of luck.
I went to an attorney when my husband of 38 years was in early stages of dementia to find out right way to handle our assets and be sure he was taken care of in case something happened to me.
make sure you’re going to look after him before you go after the money
Without knowing the value of the farm and the trusts, I don't know if it's worth paying a lawyer to investigate and fight your dads wife over this or not. If you were away for years, it's going to be hard to prove that he didn't marry her and make these changes to his assets when he was in his right mind.
I know this is a shock to you. If you feel your Dad has been taken advantage of in any way, please consult with an attorney or two to see if your family has any legal claim to your father's care and his assets. Perhaps ultimately you all can come to a compromise. I wholeheartedly wish you the best in this daunting situation.
I'd be a wealthy woman today if I had no conscience.
Even if the new wife took the greatest and tenderest care of the father, she doesn't deserve to take the entire estate and his family gets nothing.
The father had already planned his estate and did not cut his family out. The new wife took blatant advantage of a person with Alzheimer's so she could get her greedy hands on everything. Someone who would do such a thing usually doesn't care if the cash-cow gets good care or not because the money and assets are guaranteed to them either way.
I hope the OP can get some legal help and go after this woman for the despicable fraud committed on her father.
For the money and the assets. That is why someone would marry a person with Alzheimer's or dementia.
When my father was in his 80's he took up with a woman in her early 60's. She was an indigent, mentally ill alcoholic with a long police record in several states. My father didn't have dementia and was in unbelievably good health. He wasn't rich, but he'd done well enough for himself. My whole family knew exactly what the relationship was for and saw right through it. Nothing anyone could do and we all lived nearby.
Then very suddenly he had a stroke. That's when POA kicks in and he kept these things in my name.
I put her in the street but she'd already done plenty of damage.
There was nothing you could have done. I would suggest that you see an elder law attorney and tell him what happened. You may be able to recover some of your father's estate at least, and possibly break the will if there is any documentation of Alzheimer's. Even if there isn't, it's worth a try and you should talk to a lawyer.
If you weren't aware of his condition, you might have a tough time proving he was not in his right mind when signing over POA and legal docs. Which by law states by sound mind, otherwise it's fraud.
Speak with a estate attorney and see if there's recourse you can take as this is not as uncommon as you might think.
Good luck.
if he is in another state, that complicates any efforts to undo what was done. different states have different laws.
Whatever did or didn't happen that left his door wide open for her to enter into his life and set up home with him, is in the past.
If you and/or your brother are concerned about your father's well being and what may happen to him in the future, then I would recommend contacting Adult Protective Services in the state where he is living. They may be able to help. Similarly, the Council on Aging that serves his town may help you connect with a local police officer or county caseworker who can 'tag' him in the residential data base as a vulnerable elder...maybe not. Worth asking.