I have a full-time job & the aide is with my mother during my work hours & I have to handle the rest by myself. I am so tired daily I cannot stand it & my work is suffering. Any suggestions (other than hiring another aide) we have to use the Medicaid # of hours per day & until July I have ZERO respite hours available.
We are fortunate, b/c I work full time too, but mom is in Assisted Living. Even there, she will just stay in her room all day long and do nothing, so now I'm looking into hiring someone (paid or volunteer) to come visit her 2-3 times a week and just talk to her, go on a short walk w/ her, encourage her to join the activities.
You can also check your local churches. Sometimes they have volunteers or sociial ministry programs that are affordable.
Lastly, I'm taking care of myself now to prevent burnout and found a caregivers support group for adult children taking care of their parents with Alzheimer's or dementia. This may not change the number of hours you put into taking care of mom, but it will hopefull help you deal better and prevent burnout. I start my group in 3 weeks, so I am very hopeful.
Plus I have her dog, two birds and three cats to take care of, plus my own two dogs, two horses and two geese. It is just too much for me to handle. I will do anything for my mom but I am SO burned out! I have a vacation planned for the beginning of July but I am worried about her being at home. She was going to go to my brother's but now I don't know if she is going to be okay to fly. My oldest daughter will come home to care for the animals, but my mom refuses to get along with my two girls anymore, so I am also worried about fights while I am gone! Can anyone give advice on caregivers? We really don't have the money to pay someone to come in daily so I just don't know what to do. I need a break, I fall asleep at my desk and sometimes while driving...
My job had also suffered and I was just my parents *driver* as they are still very much independent living in their own home. But all those doctors appointments, and other appointments that were only available during the day, took it's toll on my career and because I was out of the office so much, my work eventually was distributed to other employees.... one day I found out my job had been eliminated.
I wish I had advice for you but I don’t. But this is a very important issue since more and more baby boomers will need care and so many of us need to work to keep up with our own aging and financial needs.
I finally burned out and we found a way for Mom to move to a low-income unit at an Independent Living place 3 hours away from me. I am still recovering emotionally from the experience.
I don’t work at a place with EAP (Employee Assistance Program) but if your workplace offers that, it might help to contact them for some support.
My Dad keeps asking me why don't I quit work, even though I went to college, women of my age group usually wound up getting secretarial or clerical jobs, because back then, employers were assuming that women would get married and leave employment.... thus, I don't have a wonderful pension to fall back upon like my Dad does, I need to keep working. Even though I am quite fugal, I still worry I would wind up living under a bridge in my old age.
My Dad kept pressuring me to quit work until I asked him if he resigned from his long term professional career to take care of his parents..... ah, no.
My husband and I own a large garden center/landscaping company which we started and then successfully operated together. Four years ago, my wonderful husband died. My son and I now run the business.
Think - extremely seasonal business.
In spring, we are ridiculously busy, busy, busy.
My husband and I built our house right at the garden center so I am "always at work" and as the owner, I can assure you that my work is never done.
My business office, phone, time clock etc is in the basement and I work there all day. This time of year the phone is non stop. Payables/receivables also non stop.
My MIL is bedbound upstairs and I run up and down the steps a hundred times a day to take care of her, check on her, etc. At days end, I am exhausted.
I am lucky that she is now at the sleeping/staring stage and has very few words but the caregiving still wears me out.
So...............I understand how it is to work full time and be caretaker.
Also, my own mom (88) lives alone and has no car so I briefly run over to her house delivering groceries etc.
Take as much respite as you can. Get help where you can, example pre-made meals, clean around mom as needed, less often in other rooms. Opt for a little free time over aspiring for a good housekeeping award for yourself. Best of luck to you.
Here are some things to think about if one is trying to decide whether to quit work to care for an aging parent.... on average if a working person quits work he/she will lose, over the years, between $285,000 and $325,000 which includes not only loss of salary, it also includes the net worth loss of the health insurance; loss of money being put into social security/ Medicare; loss of other benefits such as matching 401(k); profit sharing; etc. [source: in part Reuters 5/30/12]
The daycare told me about the grants on my First phone call to them. Call some adult day cares and see what they have to offer you.
Hang in there.