My whole life revolves around her every want and need. I have no life besides taking care of mom. Family either doesn't live nearby or aren't available to offer help. I manage to get away to work by having a caretaker stay with her Monday-Friday. What can I do to get some time for me?
She gets mad at me and tells me to get out her house. I can't afford to move out because I can't afford to hire the caretakers she needs if I were to move out. She treats me like hired help. She never sees or understands that I have sacrificed my entire life to care for her.
I get very depressed because I know the situation will only get worse as her disease progresses. I know I have days ahead that will be like yours. I tried going to a counselor and all she can tell me is that I have to treat her as an irrational 3 year old. She may be childlike in her behavior but you can't respond to her like you would a child.
Thanks again for your info.
In our own situations with what is realistically available within the context of our lives, and how comfortable we are with not or stopping walking on eggshells, we need to take some steps to get freedom from the overwhelming sense of Fear Obligation Guilt that has either come from how our parent's programed us, or some relative in our lives or from somewhere else that keeps us from finding ways to take better care of ourselves and set some healthy boundaries instead of thinking we are bad or selfish for doing so.
I love the support that I get here and I enjoy offering support. The more I read of other's stories, the more I find that it seems that one of my purposes for being here is being a F.O.G. buster.
Bottom line of what I want to offer: Yes they are our parents; yes, we feel stressed by the extra burden placed on us and they appear to be ungrateful, and yes the stress we feel turns us into people we do not recognize....BUT in the end, you still need to decide how much energy will you put forth fighting something you cannot control (your parent's health and their behavior) and how much energy can you re-channel to keeping the qualities you like most about yourself with yourself. I have been up and down with mom, but I am getting better at just moving forward...which is what we all have to do. Take care everyone.
Is your mom ill enough to seek Hospice Care, if so you get 5 days of Respite Care at least once a month and a volunteer to sit with her 4 hours per week or sometimes more..
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