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If his doctor has told him not to drive and he still drives, he is risking other lives as well as his own. Research stories whereby this has been the case and go over these situations with him, but have "back up" transportation set up. Get with a home health company that will drive him and escort him when he needs to go out. He may just find a new best friend. It will cost for these services, but the trauma of hurting himself or others is dreadfully profound and has lasting impacts on all who are affected by his negligence and denial.
Hey there Vele, in the short term, snag a spark plug wire and disable the car. sounds draconian but it can save his life or someone else's. Good luck and keep coming back to this great site! lovbob
My dad has forgotten that he hasnt driven for a year but tells people that he still drives. We just recently made a new set of car keys for him to keep in the cupboard for him. (they dont work) His car has a computer chip in the key but the ones we made did not have one. It opens the doors and that about it. We just tell him that there must be problems and we will get it fixed and then he forgets. It has worked good so far. Good luck!
I would talk to the local police they may be able to help-you might have to take his keys and move his car someplace that would be better then having him kill someone if you think he should not drive you have to stand up to him and do the right thing but offer him an alternative-hire someone once a week to take him to do his errands-if he has an accident or is stoped and is confused he will have to take a test which he will probably not pass. You may have to be the bad child.
If his doctor has told him he should not drive, have him/her write this on a prescription. Best if you can have a second doctor do this. Send both to the State Department of Motor Vehicles. They will demand that he take driving tests. Assuming that he will fail, he will be notified to return his license to the state. In the meantime, hide the keys. If he should find them as in mom's case, my brother yanked the battery cable and distributor cap. Speak to an attorney about POA over finances, so the car can be sold when your parent loses his license. My mom's car was in my name as I had bought it for her. An attorney told me to get the car out of my name. In case she had another accident, no one could sue me. I had POA over finances. I put the car in her name, and when she lost her license, I was able to sell the car. I notified her of that after it was done.
Excellent suggestions. I am including a link to an article here for more suggestions: www.AgingCare.com/112307 This article also contains links within it to other relevant information. Keep in mind that DMV laws do vary by state; however, you should contact yours to find out local laws. Best of luck, and thank you for being a concerned caregiver.
I wrote this post a minute ago for similar situation: Noone wants to be the bad guy or girl. I am the bad one to my Mother now and probably forever, but I live in peace knowing she is safe and out of harms way. I learned from experience "you gotta do what you gotta do" but there are ways to relieving yourself as the bad one. For example give her the keys back ... while she is unaware also disconect the battery so car does not start or..not the correct ones but on same key ring... so she thinks they are hers. Instead of you being the bad one when she thinks the car wont work you'll be the one helping with errands and she has to give you control, so it turns it all around. It worked for my Mom with the house keys, she was always asking me for them "its my house my keys" she was right. So I gave her a phoney set, she was happy. It is a mental thing if she has the keys she's won her independance but if the car doesn't work it solves the driving issue. I always said to myself "would I let a 2 year old do that?" Would you feel guilty if a 2 year old wanted to drive? No it would be for thier own protection!
We just went through this. My father-in-law caused an accident due to his poor response time. We contacted the officer doing the accident report and asked him to submit a Florida Medical Reporting Form. We also had his primary care physician do the same, this way you're not the "bad guy". It took a couple of months, but he received a letter requiring him to retake the driving test. He failed the written test miserably.
Unfortunately, that isn't the end of the story. Despite everyone telling him he shouldn't be driving and the fact that the assisted living facility takes him where he needs to go, he wants to retake the test. We could let him do that, but if he passes then we'll be back to the beginning, so it looks like we'll have to be the "bad guys" anyhow.
There may be some free transportation from your local Senior Citizen Center or Community Center. Some Senior Facilities also offer free transportation to doctor's appointments as well. You can contact you local Area On Aging and request information as well. Blessings Bridget
It is probably one of the hardest things we had to deal with, it was as if we were taking his identity. Not unless his doctor is willing to notify the state of the issues. You can try convincing your parent to volunterily take a driving test. My dad got 3 tries. first one he drove into o-comming trafic, second one the insturctor had to grab the wheel before he backed into a car. we took his truck and he threateded to have me arresested for steeling it. we got so desperate we disconnected the starter.
Interestingly, I tried taking my father-in-law to the DMV for a driving test. All they did was ask his name, social, DOB, and address. They said that was all they could do. It wasn't until later I found that you can report someone to the DMV as an unsafe driver yourself, so you might want to look at your state's DMV to see if that's possible.
The first time we took his car away he convinced the assisted living transportation driver to take him to our house while we were not at home and he tried to get his car. Thankfully I had taken it out that day.
Today he called us to see if we'd take him to the DMV to retake the test. We finally told him that all his children had met and decided he should no longer drive. Since he doesn't have the car or the keys we're hoping that'll be the end of it.
We are dealing with this now. My father's license is suspended. He absolutely loves his dog and will not go anywhere without him. We told him that if he drives and gets caught they will take his dog. He said ok and immediately handed us the keys. Then we took those keys and hid the car in a garage, "it has been in "the shop" an awfully long time now.".
Have the doctor to write a letter to the highway patrol in your state or the department of transportation and they will revoke his license until a doctor says that he can drive.
I had the same problem with my Dad. After driving with him I also decided to disable the car. I took them eveywhwere after that. It kept me from being the bad child.
Check with your State to see what services they may provide. My father was told not to drive, but lives alone and unfortunately has had to do it to get to the grocery and pharmacy. In Indiana, they have 3 services where you may call make an appt the previous day and a small buss will come and pick them up free of charge! Different services cost different amounts, however I found this to be a great way of dad being able to keep his freedom....without risking injury to himself or others. The VA also offers similar services :)
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
in the short term, snag a spark plug wire and disable the car.
sounds draconian but it can save his life or someone else's.
Good luck and keep coming back to this great site!
lovbob
Good luck!
I am including a link to an article here for more suggestions:
www.AgingCare.com/112307
This article also contains links within it to other relevant information.
Keep in mind that DMV laws do vary by state; however, you should contact yours to find out local laws.
Best of luck, and thank you for being a concerned caregiver.
Dani
AgingCare.com Editor
Unfortunately, that isn't the end of the story. Despite everyone telling him he shouldn't be driving and the fact that the assisted living facility takes him where he needs to go, he wants to retake the test. We could let him do that, but if he passes then we'll be back to the beginning, so it looks like we'll have to be the "bad guys" anyhow.
Suggestions would be welcome.
Blessings
Bridget
The first time we took his car away he convinced the assisted living transportation driver to take him to our house while we were not at home and he tried to get his car. Thankfully I had taken it out that day.
Today he called us to see if we'd take him to the DMV to retake the test. We finally told him that all his children had met and decided he should no longer drive. Since he doesn't have the car or the keys we're hoping that'll be the end of it.