Hi! I take care of family friend, 88 years old. I am only 30 and my grandparents are younger and still really healthy. This is uncharted territory in my family.
My friend is in constant pain, which is “controlled” (not really) by hydrocodone. She spends a lot of time in bed, isolating herself. She will ignore my calls and not allow me over until it is an emergency. I am a stay at home mom to 3 babes and it is difficult to drop everything especially when she does not want my kids around.
She gets dizzy, which is likely caused by the pain medication, but stops taking random medicines like blood pressure or cholesterol pills, thinking that is causing the dizziness. She will not acknowledge that the pain medication is making her dizzy.
She thinks her blood in her legs is circulating the wrong way and that the hospital gave her medication she is allergic to (they didn't) and she is still itchy from it (7 months ago).
Is this normal? Am I just not used to it? She blames me for everything and gets angry at me often for not doing things, but I do what I am asked. I just feel like this is abnormal but I am fairly certain it is not.
You are busy with three children and they need you. Of course, you consider them your first priority and you should.
Your elderly friend needs help. She is obviously in pain and takes meds. She needs to have all of her meds monitored. She deserves someone who can be there more often or she may need placement in a facility where she will receive around the clock care.
I would notify her that it would be in her best interest and yours for her to find another caregiver or to possibly look into long term care in a facility. She’s getting up there, at 88 years of age. Is she living alone? She needs more than a part time caregiver.
I am sure that this isn’t pleasant for you if she isn’t satisfied with your help. I’m sure it’s frustrating for her if she doesn’t have the care that she requires.
Best wishes to you and your family.
Expecting you to rush to her emergencies and not bring your children is really unreasonable. She is making her problems yours and your children come 1st.
Her blood pressure meds could be what are making her dizzy. If they are dropping her pressure to low then she would experience dizziness.
Does she have any family members that can help her find help, as in a facility?
You are lovely to want to help, but she sounds like she has some mental decline and she needs 24/7 care because it will only get worse.
Your patient obviously suffers from dementia in addition to dependency on opioid medication which is likely causing, or exacerbating, her issues greatly. Dementia alone is very difficult to deal with, but combined with opioid dependency, is a real ugly mess, in my opinion. You are probably in way over your head, unless you're a trained nurse or a care giver with lots of dementia experience under your belt.
Whether this is normal or abnormal behavior for a (probable) addict with dementia isn't the real question here. This is HER normal, and your new normal, should you agree to contuining to care for this woman. I believe you need to give her 2 weeks notice and let her family know that future care giving is out of your comfort zone and experience. Her family needs to consider placing her in residential care, memory care, rehab, or hiring nurses to care for this woman in her home moving forward.
Best of luck!