I can't keep up with the demands of my job, trying to get my own health under control, and care for my 87 year old mother with dementia/Alzheimers. My relationship with my fiance' has also recently ended causing additional stress. I feel some days as though I'm not going to make it. I have said to my siblings that I've had enough. They don't want Mom going to a nursing home and yet they have excuses for why she can't live with them. Help!
I hear you! How to get help ,ask for it: I get very little but once I hired someone live in now, relations got a bit better. They realized I was neither shipping him out nor asking for a total here take your Dad...
At one point I went to visit a Doctor who said " I can't help you out until you know what you want" . So I spent some valuable time figuring out for the first time in a few years what I wanted and needed. And I began to formulate some very specific demands and how I would ask.
Once I no longer looked like a crazy person and asked for very specific help things went better. I also tried several new forms of communication. When trying to prepare for a needed surgery I explained how I might lose him trying to drop him off and park far away and I needed another person to hear what the Dr. said as this was not my native language. We got dropped off and she even spent a few mornings at the Dr. with us. This was far more than I had dared hope for.
My grandkids and sons were on Face Book so I started to communicate with them asking they inform their parents.I answered specific questions by phone and computer.
There was also a family visit so I could explain what was happening-Demencia is hard to catch on to. And gently explain how they could make him happy or comfortable.
But the best was the day I said "well,Sweetheart, I'm doing what I can but if I should just drop dead with the next high blood pressure thing, well, he's all yours"
You better believe there is a true preoccupation form my health now....
By the way, I have a helper- a housekeeper because I could no longer leave for work and leave him alone-but we need the money.
We are still not out of the woods but each day gets a little better and everyother month or so I ask the daughter to come and stay with him so I can go out and see a friend or once so that I could stay in bed a day that I was real sick.
We are now trying to form a monthly luncheon or snack with all invited or one family. I want to do this on a once a month basis but again the burden falls on me.
It was a real shock to hear one or two friends say they would like to come to the house and meet him.
I better not think that over too much and just say yes cause that kind of offer has been long in coming.Has maybe my attitude changed? Am I perhaps less scared and worn ? Whatever the reason I better just go for it and bring bits of the world ( and lovely people ) in if I can't get him out.
Hope some of my thoughts here are of help.
When I became unemployed I moved in with my moms to take care of her. I realized getting back to work meant a big change for her and I just didn't have it in me to hand her off to a stranger. My siblings were either to far or to busy. After a year and a half I start work next week and after a few weeks I work from home. Don't give up hope. God will open the right doors for you... have faith.
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