Mom is in LTC and about to requalify for Medicaid and enter the spend-down process. On April 1, her benefits will go to the nursing home, except $50. She has stage 4 lung and liver cancer and they have recently started her on morphine to ease her breathing. Hospice thinks she has maximum 3 months left. LTC will be $11k per month, which we will have to pay back through Medicaid after she dies. Mom has some assets and a 2nd loan we could use to try to get her back into her house for a short-time on private pay before she passes. She would need 24 hour care. For the few thousand $$ extra per month for a short while, I would love to get my mother home. I know that’s what she wants. Has anyone else done/tried this? Is it realistic? Would welcome thoughts and experience.
i dont know what we will do but hope to get a plan B if we get to tired. the social worker would help us but she is not going back to the NH she was in as we filled a complaint with the state- she also had bed sure stage 2 from the nh that was not there before.
Hospice had been set up for her at her house. There was plenty of help and she lived in a major city with lots of medical resources. Within a short period she switched to hospice within a hospital. Her pain with accompanying symptoms became too difficult to manage at home. While it was not a total reversal at the hospital it became much more manageable there. She passed in her sleep within a few weeks with her daughter at her side.
I understand your wishes and they are admirable and perhaps possible. I would just advise you to have a plan B in the event they are not. If you decide on home then research the alternative and how easily that could be done as the pain towards the end could be very difficult. My cousin became much more comfortable in the hospital even though that had not been her wish. She was 69 when she died.
Try to make sure, the best you can that it might be a longer time period.
I had a friend in California. The doctor gave her less than a month to live. Hospice was called in as she was still in their home. Three years and seven months later she passed away.
at first my son could walk to the living room then gradually stayed longer bed till he died. I slept on a mat on the floor. I slept when he did except for some times i spent with my husband who worked a regular job.
he lived 3 months from the time he entered in the hospital till he died.
i was 52. He was 32.
it was virtually exhausting, i think
due to stress more than anything else. I slept on a mat on the floor. I slept when he did except for some times i spent with my husband who worked a regular job so wasnt home all the time.
yes i would do it again but i dont know how many times i could do it since im older now.
i think it all goes to health, age, and determination of the caregiver.
You took care of your lovely son until he stepped across to the spirit world where the Angels took him and cared for him. Im sure he will be there to greet you when you too, return home.
Wishing you peace during this difficult time.
I did this for 4 weeks for my mother at her apartment, alone. In-home Hospice wasn’t an option locally. I slept on a trundle bed just outside her bedroom door, and woke when she did. The last week that was every 4 hours round the clock, and she was always double incontinent. I’m glad I did it, but I couldn’t have done it for much longer. Not 3 months.
My sister did it for my BIL. She is disabled, and they have deep pockets and a large house. They had 24 hour in-home agency care, with an RN on the night shift to give the medications. The worst lasted just over 3 months. BIL fell and broke a leg, which was not appropriate to treat, so he was totally bed-bound. She too is glad she did it, but it took a lot out of her. Their home was a lot like a nursing home, carers always there almost like family, and one particularly nasty bit was finding that one carer was stealing big-time.
Perhaps the practicalities depend on why your mother is dying, how reliable the time frame is for the end, the physical arrangements of the house, and the finances. Best wishes at a difficult time.
I was running a business at the time that had to be put on hold, I didn't have a lot of money saved so that part was hard.
Hospice was something I resented at first because I didn't like the idea that they said my parents were dying, and didn't have much time left.
Ultimately, my parents got to stay in their home with family around until the end, and the people from hospice by that time actually felt like family.
They are very unique individuals, that truly care, and know how to help people through this phase of someone's life. I couldn't have kept my parents at home without them, and will never forget them for their efforts, care, and graciousness.
If you have a way to stay home with your mom, do it. It's not going to be easy, but you'll feel better knowing you did all you could to help her stay at home through the end.
If you can't do it, at least you know you tried your best to bring her home.....Best of luck
IF you hire someone a sitter (one who does NO hands-on care) is about $20 an hour. A CNA (does hands-on care) is about $30 an hour. If you hire off the street you do not know who you are bringing in the house AND they can claim to hurt their back in your estate and sue. At least an agency they have Workman's Compensation insurance so they can't sue your estate.
You need a lot of support systems if you opt for home care including other family members willing to help. Hospice will provide you all the home needs like oxygen, hospital bed, bedside table, wheelchairs, Hoyer lifts, diapers, ointments, dressings, and so on. But you are mostly responsible for her care.
I do encourage you to bring your mom home! Be sure and have the help you’ll need though. Next to impossible to do it all yourself for any length of time. Good luck and God bless/
It was tough, but what he wanted and I'm glad we did it. He was much happier there than he had been at a nursing home. He died at home with me holding his hand and an aide at our side. After he died, hospice came in and helped me make the necessary phone calls to have his death legally pronounced and his body moved to the funeral home for the cremation we had pre-arranged. And a chaplain from hospice came to pray with me. I don't have enough good things to say about hospice support.
Talk it over with mom and if that is what she wants too then do it.
My 96 yr old Dad with dementia never wanted to go to a Senior Place and I promised he would be able to live in his own home.
So I hired 24 7 Care and he continues to live in his own home.
You should deffiently bring your mom home.
I installed cameras so I could keep an eye on dad and the Caregivers.
I had my son install Nest Cameras which work well and easy to install.
I feel more comfortable that I can check how he is doing 24 7 from my cell phone or computer.
Do what you would want done.
She should be able to do exactly what she wants with the short time she has left.
You can hire 24 7 care for less money than you are paying now and she'll be on Hospice Care which tge Insurance will pay for Nurses to come see her and Aides to bathe/Clean her 2-3 times a week.
In her own home, she'll be able to be free to listen to her favorite music, have visitors, eat or drink what and when she wants and not have to wait for someone to help her since most places are understaffed.
You will not be sorry you let her die in the comforts of her own home.
Bless her and bless you, best wishes.
You would have to provide the extra caregiver(s) that would be needed if you need help. (and you probably do not need caregivers 24/7)
Hospice would also have a Nurse that would come at least 1 time a week to check on her.
You would have a CNA from Hospice that would come at least 2 times a week to bathe mom, change bedding if necessary and order supplies.
I kept my Husband home and did quite well (he was at home the entire time and on Hospice for almost 3 years) He was easy to care for (Alzheimer's/Vascular dementia) but my house was built accessible so it was easy for me in that respect.
Caring for him was the most rewarding act, sometimes the most difficult (watching the man I love disappear) but I do not regret my decision to keep him at home.
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