My 94-year-old mom was hospitalized on Memorial Day after a fall. Her 3rd fall in 3weeks. She spent the month of June in short term rehab, where they insisted she was strong enough to be released to her home on 6-30-2023, even though I told them she lives alone and still can’t go to the bathroom without help, not to mention dress herself, feed herself, etc. They set her up with home healthcare a couple hours a week. I did not think this was enough but they insisted she could be alone in the house. She fell again on 7-1-2023. She is completely incontinent, refuses to even try to get up without my being there to help her in her walker or wheelchair. After spending most of the day that she fell in the ER with her, we set up a plan to put her into a nursing home. She agreed she would go there. I felt good about it at the time. Of course, because of the holiday, she is still in my care until 7-5-2023. She is virtually helpless. I am stressed out of my mind. Today I am beginning to feel remorse that I am taking away her independence and betraying her. What is wrong with me? I know she has no choice given her current condition and this is best for her safety, but I am so upset by all of it.
My sisters and I grew up and spent our teenage years into adulthood helping my dad with caring for our mom but we all moved out to go to school or work, marriage.
In February of 2021 my dad had a stroke and was going to be needing help as well. My sisters and I all stepped up to care for both of them with the help of a live in caregiver which ate away all our savings. Not complaining about that. That’s just what happened.
Everything was going ok. My dad got well enough to the point where we didn’t need the live in help so we got some help from IHSS about 124 hrs a month.
then my mom had a bad fall in the early morning and broke her hip. This happened in October of 2021. She has been in the nursing home ever since.
I always thought we could take care of her at home but after that fall, we knew that she would require more help than what we could give at home. We visit her all the time. She really is being well taken care of. I just wish We had unlimited funds to get someone to be with her at home but we don’t.
The tears are rolling down my face as I’m typing this.
I’m going to see her today.
I love her with all my heart as you love your mama❤️
I visit her weekly( I live over 100 miles away)
I bring her yummy food and take her out every time I visit.
You have done what you can for her and it is hard to let go but there comes a time when it is unsafe to keep them home.
This fall that broke my mother’s hip happened on our watch at 4 am.
Please give yourself a break. It is the right thing to place her in 24 hr care. The staff will be there for her at all hours of day and night. They will keep her safe. Visit her as much as you can. I unfortunately live far but if I lived closer I would be visiting much more often than 2x a week.
The best to you and your mama.💖
At a point your very best and all your time and energy is not enough for their care. My dad passed in 2020 at his home with caregivers and hospice. Many hospitalizations, surgery & rehab proceeded his death. Mom followed him in 2022 but passed on day 2 in a very nice nursing home. She had become bedridden and had dementia. At present I am helping take care of husband's 94 year old aunt. She has 24/7 care and now hospice.
All this has taken a terrible toll on my health, stroke & heart surgery in 2022.
My sister has long haul covid after effects and many health issues she will have her entire life. Two other siblings are estranged and never even called.
Thankfully my husband has his only brother & wife very actively helping with Aunt.
One day at a time and just do what you can. Please take care of yourself.
Sending hugs your way!
You are a good caring daughter! You are giving her love, comfort, and safety just as she did for you when you were young!
We visit often, we take her home for the weekends and holidays. When we go on vacations we take her. Now we know things will not always work like this but we make do with the time we have. We come by regularly to give her a bath, sing songs we brought her guitar and we play together. We made her room as close as we could to her apartments old room.
How I get through it, no matter how bad things may get my mom never gave up on us, and we will not do the same. Find the good moments when you can, and understand you are doing what is best for her , but at the sametime she does not have to be alone through it.