My elderly aunt is a widow and living in a low-income senior apartment due to the fact that she was compelled to leave her home and it was eventually occupied by one of her sons & wife. My cousin (her son) is paying the mortgage now & pulled out equity which he is paying for to improve the home and other needs but did not even provide my aunt the opportunity to receive some of the equity (which she will pay every month) to possibly get a used car. Instead, my cousin passed his old car to my aunt and he bought a new one for himself. As of now, my aunt is expressing difficulty in maneuvering my cousin's old car and would like to get a car of her choice. Her son would not allow her to access her pension for this purpose. Is this a form of financial manipulation? I don't think he nor his wife does have a power of attorney over her finances nor her medical needs, she is still competent, can drive and is current on her medications and appointments.
If he does have POA, if Aunt is competent, he is not in charge. If he does have POA and Aunt is competent, she can revoke the POA and assign someone else. That someone can then look into why the son now has the house.
So hard to judge on this one.
You should really stay out of it.
This is between a COMPETENT woman and her SON.
You will have a no-win (for you, anyway) situation if you interfere in this.
If Aunt is coming to you and complaining tell her "You are still a competent woman who can drive and these decisions are up to you. I am here to listen but I can do nothing about this".
I am certain your are frustrated with hearing this. So stay out of it. Not your circus; not your monkeys. You will be so much happier when you remove yourself from the equation and tell yourself "not everything can be fixed by me".
I am caring for my mother MARIETTA, living at home with alzheimer's / dementia, anxiety, arthritis, and hearing loss.
About Me
I am a full-time worker with a sole responsibility of caring for my mother who is diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment and chronic kidney disease (stable).
But inform her she has the power to hire an attorney to take back control of her finances, if she's afraid of her son.
On the other hand...
Even in the early days of impairment a person can seem "competent". If you suspect she is starting to be impaired, then this is a trickier situation since she may still be able to assign a PoA (if it is not already her son). I would ask her to confirm if she has an assigned PoA or not. Then ask if she would like to assign someone (and what happens if she doesn't). She would need to make an appointment with a certified elder law attorney and go there with the person she wishes to assign. The lawyer will interview her privately for "capacity" (and the bar for this is low) and to make sure she is not being coerced. After she completes the process for assigning a PoA then she should go get her free annual Medicare wellness check-up where they will be willing to administer the cognitive and memory exam to her.
Or, you don't do anything and let the chips fall where they may.
Why was she compelled to leave her home? Who compelled it?
Who actually owns the home at this point? If it's not your aunt, how did the owner acquire it?
Did cousin give his car to your aunt and she actually owns it? Or does he?
Very cloudy information. You may not know the true story.
There are too many unknowns here to be able to have an accurate picture of what is going on.
I don’t know if you wish to be involved in your aunt’s business or not. Are you just collecting feedback from the forum to relay to your aunt?
Either way, your hands are tied. What can you do to possibly help your aunt, other than lend a shoulder for her to lean on?
Wishing you and your aunt all the best.
Have you observed interactions between the two or is all this hearsay? Long before my aunt was officially diagnosed I would hear her telling some tall tales on the phone. I asked her about it once and she said it made a better story.
If it appears the mom is being emotionally or physically abused there is always APS to investigate. No guarantee anything would be done and you might run the risk of an angry cousin who could figure out it was you who stirred the pot. So consider that. Things usually have to be pretty severe before action is taken.
‘As others mentioned, mom is in control. She has the ability to fire him as her poa if he even has her poa. She can assign you or anyone she wants. If what she has told you seems accurate I probably would dig deeper.
Perhaps a trip to an attorney to discuss her rights might be helpful. If she has no money for an attorney see what services are available at her area agency on aging. There is one for every county.
I am huge believer there is still in 21st century many women being controlled by men, and financial control, withholding/ hiding financial info, denying access to money is financial abuse.
Yea, there is a lot wrong with the scenario you presented to us.
I would encourage you to contact APS and report financial issues and let them sort it out. They don't deal well with vulnerable people being financially ripped, they don't want the competition:-)