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I get very confused. Is it possible for someone with dementia to be very astute and very confused at the same time? Does dementia take away ability to empathize with other people?
Becky, we need some more detail about what is happening, if we are going to help. Dementia can vary. And some people are very good at faking dementia when they want to (my dreadful father could have got an Oscar for it). It can be a control method.
As in not being able to see your side of things? Or other people's point of view? Or how unrealistic their wants & wishes may be? How impractical to demand only one caregiver or only family caregivers? Or never wash/ clean clothes, & how odours are unpleasant for others?
Everything you do as part of being alive, from swallowing to calculus, is done in your brain. Millions of complex functions going on in there, every second of the day. Even if you accomplish nothing but twiddling your thumbs.
There are dozens of different types of dementia. At various stages of disease, these dozens of different types may affect any part of the brain and the functions that that particular part controls.
And the brain also controls itself, and remains "plastic" (i.e. capable of making new pathways) for the whole of life (although it becomes increasingly less so from adulthood onwards).
Specialists with many years' experience in researching and treating patients have studied the disease(s) in many thousands of people, and they can make generalisations about progression and approximate timelines and probable effects - valid generalisations, too: out of (say) three hundred people, 212 experienced x or y or z, it is therefore reasonable to anticipate that x or y or z will happen within such and such a length of time.
But I wouldn't ever be surprised if a person with dementia surprises you. One example: a gentleman with advancing vascular dementia, needed prompting to get out of his armchair, directions to his bathroom and bedroom in the house he'd lived in for twenty years, help with squeezing toothpaste. The OTs installed a stairlift for him, and gave us instructions to prompt him through using it because he'd never had one before (oh-oh!). Within one week, this gentleman was walking up to the stairlift using his rollator, turning, reversing up to it, seating himself, putting the arms and footrest in place, operating it correctly to the top of the stairs and leaving it ready for next use - not only with no prompts at all, but talking all the while about his childhood and his father's strictness.
It turned out that this gentleman had been a crane driver. He'd travelled the world and operated countless different machines in some amazing situations - he told me that lowering twenty men in a cage down a 600 foot shaft had been an experience he'd never forget.
So he couldn't figure out his way to the bathroom. But whichever part of his brain had developed the ability to get into any cab and operate a multi-million dollar machine under stress with zero margin of error - that bit was in fine fettle.
The saying is: "when you've met one person with dementia, you've met one person with dementia." There is no hard and fast rule about how an individual will be affected by the disease.
Country, I really value your insight as a professional caregiver on this forum. Thanks for sharing about the gentleman and the chair lift. It makes sense given his profession, and vascular dementia seems especially varied.
My narcissistic mother with vascular dementia was a great con artist til very near the end ( roughly a month) . She still was sweet as sugar to those she wanted to impress( aides, my siblings) but literally hissed at me lol. Her last words to me were cruel and definitely directed to me personally yet she thought my husband was the maintenance man( we have been married 45 years lol) and saw her long deceased mother and siblings. ( hallucinations) As others have said it depends on where the damage is, according to her neurologist , but I think the acting better around some is pretty common. With her is was always if she wanted something from you so she never really had empathy . That narcissistic part never went away. My stepfather on the other hand never became mean with Alzheimer’s so I think it could be part of what your basically personality was pre illness.
I would say that executive reasoning is often VERY affected. And yes, definitely it is difficult to empathize. Think of it rather as the way an autistic mind works, easily overloaded, unable to sort. I will say if you are speaking of YOURSELF, and you seem to be, you just wrote us a quite organized good note. I would encourage you in getting yourself tested and believe it might relieve your mind. Do explore anxiety disorder, as well, because anxiety can make one so very very disorganized, unable to think, and forgetful especially about where things are, that it can mimic early Alzheimer's.
She is not narcissistic just doesn’t seem to understand anyone else’s point point of view. She says I do so much for her but then she won’t eat her food and says I am horrible and don’t understand. I try buy what she likes but those likes change daily. Eg If she liked avocados today and I buy them for her tomorrow she may decide she doesn’t like them and doesn’t care that I went specially to buy them for her. She will say I wish you would stop buying things for me and refuse to eat them. This happens with different things regularly. Another rethink she will say things like, make sure you are warm or go and rest you need your sleep or that she worries about us BUT she doesn’t show her affection for us through any words or action. If I didn’t know her I would think she is indifferent to us.
Yes, they lose the ability to reason. So you need to not argue and just go along with it. Yes, they lose the ability to empathize. They really don't understand what you are giving up to care for them. They become like small children becoming self-centered and wanting it their way. Its weird, they can'can't remember things from day to day, minute to minute but they get something in their mind and won't let it go. Some imaginary slight they say u did. We had a longtime Church member that got something in his head the Church had done and refused to go back.
There is no rhyme or reason to Dementia. The brain is dying little by little. You just need to go with the flow which is something I had a hard time doing. Just when I think I got everything straightened out how things are going to go...Dementia through me a curve ball.
Yes, dementia does take away one's ability to empathize and to appreciate the person who is caring for them. At times it can even cause a caregiver to wonder if their LO is ill at all because of how they can go from lucid to unintelligible, from helpful to needy, from pleasant to disagreeable. Maybe it's just normal aging. After all, people have the right to be cantankerous. But it's not normal aging! Eventually, dementia takes away the ability to reason, to socialize, to understand, even to speak. Your memory is who you are. Many caregivers will say “she's not my mom anymore”, or “it's not the dad I knew”. And they're right. Physically these patients are still the mom or dad they knew, they look the same, but psychologically they've changed.
You don't say if you are the primary caregiver or not, but in any case, it is the opportune time for you, and other family members if they are involved, to learn about dementia and its causes. There are many resources to help you. Books like “The 36 Hour Day” and “Surviving Alzheimer's” are specifically written for caregivers. Search for “dementia” on YouTube to get a lot of videos. Websites like alz.org , mayoclinic.org or webmd.com are good resources.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
As in not being able to see your side of things? Or other people's point of view? Or how unrealistic their wants & wishes may be? How impractical to demand only one caregiver or only family caregivers? Or never wash/ clean clothes, & how odours are unpleasant for others?
IMHO, yes.
There are dozens of different types of dementia. At various stages of disease, these dozens of different types may affect any part of the brain and the functions that that particular part controls.
And the brain also controls itself, and remains "plastic" (i.e. capable of making new pathways) for the whole of life (although it becomes increasingly less so from adulthood onwards).
Specialists with many years' experience in researching and treating patients have studied the disease(s) in many thousands of people, and they can make generalisations about progression and approximate timelines and probable effects - valid generalisations, too: out of (say) three hundred people, 212 experienced x or y or z, it is therefore reasonable to anticipate that x or y or z will happen within such and such a length of time.
But I wouldn't ever be surprised if a person with dementia surprises you. One example: a gentleman with advancing vascular dementia, needed prompting to get out of his armchair, directions to his bathroom and bedroom in the house he'd lived in for twenty years, help with squeezing toothpaste. The OTs installed a stairlift for him, and gave us instructions to prompt him through using it because he'd never had one before (oh-oh!). Within one week, this gentleman was walking up to the stairlift using his rollator, turning, reversing up to it, seating himself, putting the arms and footrest in place, operating it correctly to the top of the stairs and leaving it ready for next use - not only with no prompts at all, but talking all the while about his childhood and his father's strictness.
It turned out that this gentleman had been a crane driver. He'd travelled the world and operated countless different machines in some amazing situations - he told me that lowering twenty men in a cage down a 600 foot shaft had been an experience he'd never forget.
So he couldn't figure out his way to the bathroom. But whichever part of his brain had developed the ability to get into any cab and operate a multi-million dollar machine under stress with zero margin of error - that bit was in fine fettle.
The saying is: "when you've met one person with dementia, you've met one person with dementia." There is no hard and fast rule about how an individual will be affected by the disease.
It really is a mixed bag!
I will say if you are speaking of YOURSELF, and you seem to be, you just wrote us a quite organized good note. I would encourage you in getting yourself tested and believe it might relieve your mind. Do explore anxiety disorder, as well, because anxiety can make one so very very disorganized, unable to think, and forgetful especially about where things are, that it can mimic early Alzheimer's.
Another rethink she will say things like, make sure you are warm or go and rest you need your sleep or that she worries about us BUT she doesn’t show her affection for us through any words or action. If I didn’t know her I would think she is indifferent to us.
There is no rhyme or reason to Dementia. The brain is dying little by little. You just need to go with the flow which is something I had a hard time doing. Just when I think I got everything straightened out how things are going to go...Dementia through me a curve ball.
You don't say if you are the primary caregiver or not, but in any case, it is the opportune time for you, and other family members if they are involved, to learn about dementia and its causes. There are many resources to help you. Books like “The 36 Hour Day” and “Surviving Alzheimer's” are specifically written for caregivers. Search for “dementia” on YouTube to get a lot of videos. Websites like alz.org , mayoclinic.org or webmd.com are good resources.