Incontinence; how to "persuade" a senior to make changes in daily living habits without being too heavy handed?
My step mother, Opal, refuses to wear diapers. She has stage 6 kidney failure and has trouble controlling her bladder. She has beginning onset of dementia too and can become very obstinate. On several occasions when out running errands, we ask her to use the bathroom and she says she doesn't have to go, and then when we get back home, we find that she has wet her pants. She can get all the way to the bathroom, but can't hold it long enough to pull down her pants.
We also found urine in a wastebasket next to her bed. From her caregiver.
"Look what I just found in xxxx's side of the bed, a trash can filled with urine.🤮 She must have decided to empty her urinal out in the trash can instead of the toilet. 🤦♀️"
Questions for the community:
1. Should we get a commode to sit next to the bed that she can use in the middle of the night?
2. Should we "persuade" her to start wearing diapers?
3. How to "persuade" a senior to make changes in daily living habits without being too heavy handed? I'm concerned about their quality of life and perceived independence.
Remove her cloth underwear from her dresser and replace it with disposable pull up type. Call them briefs, underwear, pull up.
A commode might help it most certainly be easier for a woman to use a commode than a urinal.
She may also need more supervision than she is getting from her caregiver. Rather than asking if she has to go to the bathroom bring her into the bathroom and help her. And setting a schedule of every 2 hours would be good.
Is the bathroom easy for her to use?
Higher toilet seat?
Grab bars or arms on the seat riser that she can use to help herself get up and down?
No barriers near the toilet?
No carpet or rugs in the bathroom?
Minimal toilet paper so she does not flush so much it clogs the toilet.
Keeping wipes out of reach so they do not get flushed.
Is she properly cleaning herself after toileting?
As you can see supervision is necessary. I hate to say it but just like a child needs supervision in the bathroom so does someone with dementia.
Obviously a commode near will be beneficial, but only if it is being tended daily. It will quickly become a health hazard if not.
As others have said, stop calling them diapers. That is degrading to a grown woman and everyone wants to be treated with respect and dignity, no matter how the body is failing. They are continence garments and should be called underwear or disposable panties.
You sound very frustrated and that is understandable, caring for the increasing needs of a senior is a full time job and sometimes we just are not up to all their needs or we desperately need a break. Please make sure that you get educated on what caring looks like and the work involved. If it is beyond you, it was more than I could deal with, then please check in to the facility that would provide the best, appropriate care. It is okay to call uncle.