No matter what I do it will NEVER be enough to please my Sister. She was furious that I questioned her "right" to reimburse herself with my Mother's money. Ripped into me saying how dare I question her as she does so much for my Mother. I don't disagree that she does a lot for my Mother. My Mother lives down the street from her in an assisted living facility. I live out of state. I do as much as I can to help. It will never be enough. She screams, "JUMP!" and if I don't say, "How High!" the sh!t hits the fan!
We have never gotten along. Estranged for years at a time. She will keep medical information from me about my Mom when we aren't speaking. Purposefully keep me out of the loop in regards to my Mother's health and welfare. My Sister has Medical POA and my Brother has Financial POA. So I am out of the loop.
I don't know how I am going to get through this with my Mom. My Sister is going to make this as difficult as possible.
I know that you know how hard that truly is, and No, she should be being transparent about Moms funds for her own good, if only to keep herself in check. If things are obviously out of sorts, report her to APS. Sister relationships can be complicated!
I honestly feel like I should just cut off all communication with her. But I know she will purposefully keep me out of the loop in regards to my Mothers health and care.
She and I have never gotten along. I shouldn't be surprised that we still don't now. I knew when my Mom moved near her years ago that this would be difficult... I knew my Sister wasn't cut out to be a caretaker. She doesn't even like my Mom.
He, too, will completely blow up at any hint of "neglect" of her care, of which he has CHOSEN to be 100% responsible. A recent family meeting he was screaming at the top of his lungs at me, primarily, and the other 3 sibs, by connection.
I don't think he's taking money under guise of anything--my other brother keeps a semi-interested look at mother's financials, but he could be skimming from her and we'd never know. She primarily deals in cash.
Since there is no possibility Mother will ever go into care, and Medicaid won't be involved, I never think about that end of things.
If your mom is still competent, the POA means nothing! Too many people take the term "POA" to mean they have a final say over everything. Not true. You have every right to know what sister knows. Good luck and try to get to talk to your mother...this spending of hers can result in disaster. Your mother is NOT an ATM for sister's wants.
Medicaid does this in every state.
Your sister is putting ya'lls mother at risk.
I should look for official guidelines relevant to your state and forward them to your brother. Your sister can have as many hissy fits as she likes about them but rules is rules.
Are you able to visit your mother independently of your sister?
How is your mother funding the ALF? Will she run out of money at some point, and have to go on Medicaid?
Keep in touch with mom. If mom is not yet "too far gone" she can sign a HIPAA release allowing you access to her medical info from her regular docs etc.
All I did was ask if it was a good idea and she flipped out on me.
I tell her CONSTANTLY that I am thankful she is there for my Mother. But does that mean I lose all right to ask questions and have an opinion. She is a martyr who uses it as a weapon. It isn't right.
Additionally my Mom isn't do far gone that my Sister shouldn't be telling her about the money she is taking. She doesn't though. She takes the money and hasn't said one word about it to my Mom.