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I am caring for a woman who has progressive Alzheimer’s as well as dementia. I have been here for about a month now & I know it’s important to try and keep them on a daily schedule but at this point I feel like it’s impossible. She has the ability to walk, and stand up but is very apprehensive about the getting up part..but that’s another issue. Right now my biggest issue is getting her showered. We try to do every other day (66yrs old) but yesterday as well as today she flat out refuses & she will fight you every step until (normally) she’s actually in the shower. She will Not wash herself AT ALL, I’ve tried multiple times & it just doesn’t register with her besides I’m sure she’s forgotten what that even means. So I wash her as best as I can. I feel like I can’t do my job like I should because I can’t force her to do anything but the constant pressure of her husband wanting her to stay on a schedule as much as possible (I’m aware that’s the best thing) but what do you do when they simply will not cooperate??? Since I’ve been working for this particular patient my anxiety & stress level are insane! I am literally emotionally/mentally exhausted every single day I leave work to the point that I’m so tired when I get home that I have to fight with everything in me to get anything done in my own home. Needless to say my home is a mess & I have read everything to try and understand what I can do but so far I haven’t been able to figure out how to get her showered or even coax her into using the bathroom @3 times a day bc she will not get up and go on her own. HELP!!!!

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First: you can't make an Alzheimer's patient cooperate. I've found that I can get my husband into the shower if there is an event for which he needs to feel clean: someone coming over, doctor visit, going out somewhere...maybe your patient cannot do these other things? So maybe trying on a new dress is a good reason to shower? Maybe date night with her husband is a good reason to shower?

I'm not sure showering every other day is necessary. When my mother grew up she showered once a week. I think the spa-like environment is a good idea. Maybe you know what kind of music she likes? Sometimes singing a silly song or a song from the patient's teen years can put someone in a good mood and make a tricky task more pleasant.

"The pressure of her husband wanting her to stay on schedule..." that statement makes me think he needs more understanding about the disease. Routine seems like a better word. But an every other day required shower that is a struggle for you and her is not good for anyone. A schedule should be a helpful tool to maintain comfort and serenity, not a source of frustration if you cannot "stay on schedule." And with Alzheimer's patient, every day can be different. Every day the patient can present new behaviors, or seem to have improved for no apparent reason. Remaining flexible and not trying to live up to anyone's expectations. I plan things, but sometimes plans don't work out or they change. And that has to be OK. There are so many things we cannot control as caretakers. We just have to be as creative as possible.

The last part of your paragraph sounds like getting up is a big part of daily frustration. Is she using a walker or cane? Is she sitting in a chair or a sofa that is too plush and hard to get out of? If so, there are many alternatives, mechanically rising chairs, hard back chairs. It's possible that if leg muscles are atrophying physical therapy would help. Medicare may pay for in home physical therapy. My husband likes to just sit around a lot all day, but if I find something that he wants to do, schedule it, then let him know that we have to do these other things in order to get ready for the thing he wants to do.... but your patient may be more advanced and not understand. It's a really hard disease to manage.

Do your best and know that your patient's old self would love that you are taking care of her new self.
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Great question that so many of us are afraid to ask. I was having the same problem with my mother when she was diagnosed also. What I did was ask God for strength each and every time mom would not act right; however, what you have to know is what is not acting right???? Do we know???
So what you have to do is get into a support group and talk with other caregivers about their issues and she how much their information can help you.
Also you need to read up more on the behaviors and effects that the disease has on people and see how it relates to what is happening in your home. For many years I tired to put the behavior in a catalog of what I was use to my mother doing but that does not work. We as caregivers have to remind ourselves that things will be different; ie different talk, different interaction, different foods, different care but we must recognize that they really don't understand their actions, so as the bigger person in God, we MUST understand the process of the disease and move on.

It's hard but you gotta do it! As Nike says: Just do it!
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When I cared for my dad I had a shower chair for him. The middle of the seat came off so to be like a toilet seat.I had a hand held shower so I could reach every place that needed rinsing. He did help with cleaning his privates but I had to help a lot since his mobility was so poor toward the end. When they have dementia things like losing their balance can be really scary for them. I would put a space heater on and warm the bathroom up a lot first. I got everything ready and laid out first that I would need. Having it nice and warm helped since he was so frail and the cold was hard for him to endure. I only did a shower once a week with him and we did sponge baths the rest of the week because he often soaked his bed since he insisted on trying to use a urinal at night and leaked everywhere. Since he lived with me it was a 24-7 job. Caring for someone with dementia takes a lot of patience and physical strength. Maybe it’s not the job for you if it’s stressing you out so much.
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KCaresTN22: Imho, unfortunately, the word 'cooperation' does not equate with an Alzheimer's patient. You may be exhausting yourself by trying to get your patient into a shower or tub enclosure. Perhaps you will have to go to a bed bath route.
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There is a lot of good advice here. My mom's dementia caused so many issues when she was in memory care facilities. Most people are not trained to understand dementia behaviors. I have her moved out into private care and things are so much easier. You have to tell yourself continually that she cannot change her behavior only you can change yours. It is approach, approach, approach. If it doesn't work one way, take a break, and re approach differently. There is no magic answer and no magic approach but the recommendation to look up Teepa Snow is priceless. She understands and teaches different approaches to common problems. My mom went through multiple stages and still continually changes. She went from showering herself, letting me get her in the shower, refusing to shower, thinking she did shower, aggressively refusing, and now gets bed baths. We have used many methods from showering her with her clothes on, spilling water on her accidentally, smearing Jelly on a visible spot (she doesn't like anything sticky on her), lure her into bathroom with lollipops, playing music she loves, keeping her warm, and actually posted pictures of handsome men on the shower wall! It's not a "mission", it's an ever changing journey.
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I would try to make this as spa-like as possible.

De clutter the bathroom so the room is as “low stress” as possible.

Try some gentle massage, use fragrant soaps (if she can tolerate the smell of them) and play relaxing music. Use lotion when she is done. (Try some different kinds of music to see if one type relaxes her more than another).

Talk to her as if she is normal (even though she might not respond accordingly).

I’m sure your client’s husband is stressed because he just wants his wife back. 66 is young for dementia and this must be very disappointing and scary for him. Listen to his demands patiently- he can’t help but feel frustrated.

Do your best to keep her on schedule. Surely, if you ever have a day off, he will realize your great contributions and will understand that staying on schedule is a goal that simply is not always attainable.
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KCares, I have read through this entire thread and get the impression you are knowledgeable and dedicated to doing your job well. You have tried lots of different tactics to bathe your client, bathroom her regularly and meet her other needs. There are two things working against you:
1. Her disease is progressive, so even if you find something that works today, it may not work next week.
2. Her husband is being unrealistic.
It sounds like your client may be ready for memory care or a different facility. Only her husband can decide that for her, and it seems he is unable to see the extent of her disability. My mother was so deeply frightened when my Dad developed Alzheimers that she just could not bring herself to learn more about it, despite understanding it would help her. Even seeing a book about it on the table made her shake with fear. Maybe this husband is experiencing something similar, and that's why "he is hiding his head in the sand."
Whatever the reason, this situation is affecting you and your life in a very negative way. It is NOT failure if you put forth your best effort (which you did) and thought things through (which you did) and tried lots of tactics (which you did). So maybe it's time to step away from this client. As caregivers we know there will always be another client needing help.
So raise your head high, pat yourself on the back for doing your best here, and resign the post.
Best of luck to you. And to the couple you have worked so hard to help.
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She needs to go into a care facility for those with serious dementia. You can try washing her with a rag or something like a sponge instead of doing a full shower. Maybe a shower scares her?
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Will your patient agree to sponge baths? A full shower is not necessary to stay clean. ....Warm water and towell to wipe down and then use products that will clean without rinsing. They have them at the hospital. I watched the nurse do it at the hospital....they use a small bucket with warm water and wash face, body, etc. For the smelly parts(bum and feet, etc), they use a foam product that you wipe on and does not require water rinse. I would not fight this patient if she does not wnt to step into shower. There are many ways to stay clean.
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I am horrified by what you are going through and commend you for caring and wanting to do your job well. Please recognize this woman is far, far beyond fixing and it will only get worse no matter what anyone does or says. So now the question is this - why are you allowing this to destroy the life you deserve? Not all people can or should be caretakers and when they have to deal with people like this, it is enough to push them over the edge - and that should never happen. Her husband does not seem to be helping the situation too much. My personal advice would be if this woman and her antics are pushing you over the edge, and they sure are doing that, then YOU MUST NOT ALLOW THIS even if it means you leave this job and seek another one with a more "cooperative" patient. She is gone....you are not, you are still here and deserve a peaceful life. I feel this woman should be placed into a facility where they would make her "cooperate" as they are trained for this. No one single person can make someone like this be reasonable. It will never happen. Place her, leave this job. Please don't let her destroy you - you do not deserve it.
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Its time for that husband to pull his head out of the sand and put her in memory care!
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There are medications that help with combative behaviors. A geriatric psychiatrist can help. A broken brain is not capable of reason.
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Forget the anxiety and tell husband that maybe his wife doesn't like the schedule and it causes more stress for her.
Just give bed baths for cleaning her.
As far as getting her to the bathroom, don't make her go, let her wear diapers.
Or when I want my Dad to do something he doesn't want to do, I promise him ice cream afterwards.
Do whatever works.

If husband doesn't go along, quit.
Prayers
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My mother dislikes showers so I try and make it as positive as possible.

I start talking about it in advance, how we’ll make her hair nice etc and how she’s got clean, beautifully smelling pj’s to look forward to.

I heat the room up half hour in advance with a portable heater fan as well as heating lamps. For me it’s actually too hot, it’s more like a steam room lol. But for her it’s the desired temperature, besides I’m not in the water so hence the experience is most likely different.

BUT key factor!! I play her favourite songs!! I make the shower time a concert she can look forward to.
This way she goes in there dancing! She may still hesitate at the undressing part but I distract with words from the song to get her singing.

In saying that,.. it still is tiring putting so much effort in for a shower,.. by the time I’m finished,.. I’m ready for a shower myself and bed!!

we don’t always do a full shower,.. sometimes it’s only a bottom wash. I do this if I sense she’s in a more difficult mood. I let her keep her top on and I hold the shower head for her while she quickly washes her bottom parts. I’ve been able to reason with her for this as she has realised how much better it feels after and it only takes a few minutes. I usually announce it as we are changing her depends - “time to do a rinse”. This way she’s already undressed at bottom and less likely to be against it.

But overall the music has been a winner for now!!
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answry Oct 2021
You are so correct. Regardless of all the heaters going from the ceiling and from the floor, it is hot enough to pass out but it's either just right or still not enough. I can't stay in the entire time, I have to step away and cool down.
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First of all no job is worth your health! Your skills are in demand and you can find another person to care for. If you decide to stay with this husband and wife than never ask her if she will take a shower. What I have found is asking usually will get a No answer. Tell her it is time for her shower! Point to your watch. ( pointing to my watch seems to really help Mom do things) When I do this she will ask is it time> I say yes YES right now it is time…And she will usually cooperate. If she refuses than tell her if she won’t shower for you, you will have to get the male orderly and he will pick her up and put her in the shower and you don’t want him to do that to her. So get in the shower NOW. I find firm tone of voice and command works better than coaxing. Than if you get her in the shower soap up a face cloth and tell her to wash her legs, her arms etc. I have found that handing individual face clothes for different body parts my Mom will follow what she is told. But never cooperate if she is asked. I think a lot of refusal has to do with confusion and fear. By giving directives she may feel safer and more willing to cooperate. Than I also keep saying good job, great job your doing great. And I also reinforce that taking a shower will make her feel better as she is washing. After a few times she now still gives me a hard time but will get in and when she is in the shower she now says showering makes her feel better. I hope this works for you.
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You need to drop this client for many reasons. She needs placement. Trying to cope with this client only prolongs the decision at your expense. There are some families that you just can’t help.
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Try playing music. (A friend used "I'm forever blowing bubbles" with her mother and it worked like a charm.) Make sure the bathroom is warm enough. Is there a chair for her to use in the shower or tub? Grab bars? She may fear falling. Don't scold or argue with the woman, this never works. Reasoning ("You need a bathe," "A bath is good for you" etc.) usually doesn't work. Try to 'nudge' the person when she's already in a good mood.

Check Teepa Snow's website. She is a fantastic trainer and coach for those caring for people with cognitive loss. Another source: "Bathing Without a Battle." This husband may also need to understand dementia better, to see that he may need to let go a little. Good luck.
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Cover99 Oct 2021
Dementia Careblazers Youtube channel is another choice for info.
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My mom is stubborn about showers and refuses help. So the caregiver “fixes” her hair. In the process, mom gets a bath. It is usually a washcloth bath but it works. Turns out my mom gets cold easily and sees the shower as uncomfortable. She also doesn’t wash, she just is in the water stream. So the caregiver, warms the bathroom up to hot, gets mom in her warm robe to fix her hair. AND this only happens 1 time a week. Every day or every other day is unreasonable. When I worked in a NHome, we showed the residents 2 times a week mostly and some only 1 time a week because they were getting daily clean ups. Our caregiver ensures that mom’s skin is clean and because her skin is dry, lotion keeps the skin from itching. Mom has stucco keratosis and her skin is so dry. The derm doc told us to get the Eucerin (red top) lotion for dry skin and it has helped tremendously. It has 10 percent urea to soften the dry skin.I don’t know how to handle the husband but prayers for everything is what keeps me calm and I pray with mom when she and I are having a hard time. I just ask her if I can pray because I don’t want to upset her. Her dementia waxes and wanes, but her demeanor after I pray is wonderful even if it means I am calm .
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Sounds like it’s time for some anxiety meds. Doc put my Dad, who has dementia, on a daily dose of sertrolin to help with his anxiety. I saw a huge drop in the defiant behavior and he’s sleeping better. Maintaining a routine is still critical. If the meds don’t help… it’s time for the family to consider a facility.

Try the product Calm, OTC powder found at local drug store until you get a doc to prescribe anti- anxiety meds.
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cherokeegrrl54 Oct 2021
Calm is wonderful to help. The pills are tiny and they will melt in her mouth. It is by Hylands Check out their line of homeopathic remedies. I use them myself especially for restless leg syndrome. They have helped me well. You are doing a wonderful job to help her. Perhaps try the calm tabs for yourself as well. Love and prayers for you and your patient. Liz
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I feel the stress in your post. You will find many tips on this forum but I believe it would need to be the husband that gives the okay to try this or that. I dislike reading that the husband is holding back a med that could potentially help. If you fall dead from all the stress, the client's husband is just going to say next. This may not be a good fit if you are a caregiver from an agency. Do you just have to stick with this client?
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Let me start off by saying, you are more important than your client or her care needs.
Your home and your life should not be suffering because of some client. You should not have such a level of stress and anxiety over her. She's a job and not worth it. Quit her.
If you insist on remaining with her and need to get her into the shower try this approach which has worked well for me for many clients with Alzheimer's/dementia.

When it's time for the shower both you and her husband have to approach her together. You do not ask her if she will go for a shower. You tell her it's time for your shower and you're going to do it now. When we're finished you can have (whatever her favorite treat or activity is). Try this approach. If it doesn't work then her husband should look into care facility placement for her.
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KCaresTN22 Oct 2021
Thank you
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Ask yourself (and the client’s husband), How would a Hospital or NH handle this situation? The answer is they would have a team of helpers who would sponge bathe the person in bed. The patient probably would be uncooperative, but the team would hold and turn the patient while another nurse bathes the person. Would the husband and yourself together be sufficient to accomplish the task?
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KCaresTN22 Oct 2021
I’m pretty certain the cost to bring in even one more person would put further stress on her as when her PT tried helping one day with the process of getting her up, to the bathroom..all of which was fine UNTIL the word shower was said…(I had asked the PT to help so that if there was anything I was doing wrong or if there were any other way to approach certain situations I would love her input) My client/patient was immediately more defiant than ever. I knew (felt) it was bc of the PT being in there and my client was not comfortable with the situation & immediately started pulling and tugging on her shirt (something she does when she feels aggravated/agitated bc she doesn’t understand why she’s being “forced” to her..to shower. Needless to say the shower did NOT happen that day.
Let me explain the home dynamic so maybe that will help you better understand..Her 92 yr old father lives with her & her husband. Her husband is a few years younger (60) and works from home right now for an automotive corp. their 2 sons are grown & live out of state. So her husband is working while also taking her & her father to any Dr appointments, he does EVERYTHING involved with running a household plus working a full time job. I couldn’t do what he does! I don’t know how he does it & I’m younger than him! How he stays grounded and sane is amazing to me.
That being said, since my initial question was posted she had also began to be combative when taking her to use the bathroom..I say everything as simplified as I can when telling her what we are doing & sometimes I feel like some of her bad behavior is on purpose..has anyone else ever felt like that? She will fight after I’ve told her we’re going to sit on the toilet (bc if you ask her if she has to use the bathroom it’s always “No”) but before she sits I will ask her to pull her pants down then pull her underwear down & she’ll say ok, but make no move to do either so that’s when I will tell her I’m going to help you & as soon as I go to pull down her pants she’ll try pulling them up, same w/underwear so I will rip the sides so she can’t fight that…then the act of getting her to sit down is another issue bc she’ll try walking off with her pant around her ankles so I’ve had to resort to almost forcing her to sit on the toilet which I don’t like to do but becomes necessary. Then she won’t adjust herself on the toilet correctly so I wind up with a mess to clean up & forgive me if this makes me sound harsh bc I’m not (I’m frustrated bc everything is a battle with her) I don’t mind (as much) having to clean her afterwards & I do the best I can always telling her what I’m doing but when she’s agitated she will try to walk off before she’s completely clean & I’m mentally tired at this point so I don’t even try anymore bc I have another battle ahead of me which is getting clean underwear on her. She has stood I front of the toilet, after I’ve tried getting her to sit down, and literally pissed herself standing, pants around her ankles..3 times so far & I expect it will continue. She was bent forward the other day after her shower & I knew she had to use to bathroom so I’m telling her we’re going to sit on the toilet bc she needs to try to use the bathroom (otherwise she pees herself) & she’ll keep saying WAIT! Then I look down and notice she’s began pooping so I proceeded to aggressively and quickly get her to the toilet & sit her down otherwise… and I’m not going to stand there and let her poop wherever! I’m the one who has to clean up those messes & honestly I don’t get paid no where near enough to deal with the constant combative behavior. I am a naturally caring person & I do my very best at trying to help my client bc I REALLY DO CARE & in this industry that’s rare bc most do the least possible for a paycheck. Im at my wits end at this point bc I feel like I can’t do my job without bothering her husband to get her up and where she needs to be & im there so that he can do his job?
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ALZ falls under the Dementia umbrella but it effects the brain differently than most Dementias. You can have ALZ and another form of Dementia that effects the brain in a different way. ALZ and Dementia were discribed to me this way.

Dementia...you know its a stove just forget how to use it

ALZ...you forgot its a stove.
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Please talk to your client's husband about her anxiety which is manifesting in fighting you. It would make your job a lot easier if she could get anti-anxiety medication before her showers so that she will relax and cooperate with your efforts. She should be given this medication about an hour before attempting to bathe her. I personally believe that everybody needs complete bath and shampoo to decrease body bacteria levels. However, most seniors are ok with an "airplane bath" - under the wings (armpits) and under the tail (bottom) - with the addition of face, hands and feet.

Consistency will be the best approach with your client. She will probably be more amenable to a bath in the earlier part of the day - make it the same time every day. If she doesn't allow a full bath, do that airplane bath and move on with the other activities of the day.

I would also suggest you need to find ways to minimize the anxiety and stress you are feeling when working with this client. Maybe keep a log of which activities are the most stress-filled and the time this occurs. Folks on this post may have ideas on how to make those moments less stress-filled for you.
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KCaresTN22 Oct 2021
Her husband has mentioned she has medication, what exactly I don’t know, but he said he really doesn’t want to give it to her (for whatever reasons he has) but I honestly think at this point he’s going to have to. I know he’s had a few caregivers in there before me & I can definitely understand why they left. I’ve stood 10 hours on my feet doing hair sometimes longer and never felt this exhausted! I have never experienced this level of mental exhaustion in MY LIFE. Exhausted to the point that when I get home I just want to sleep. I can’t function like this, nor will I continue to bc something is going to have to change if I’m going to continue there. I think there’s a reason the Dr prescribed the medication for her and for him to not give it to her as intended only makes my work insanely difficult, I don’t believe he realizes how much easier it would be on him too if she was given just enough to relax her not knock her out which is what he thinks it’s for I believe. So me and him will definitely have a talk Monday morning. Thanks for the input bc I was thinking the same but I know it has to be hard for him to realize the true progression of this cruel disease & come to grips with what’s happening and the fact that it’s only going to get worse unfortunately so he’s going to have to come to grips with giving her medication that will help her be more compliant hopefully but also help her to not feel so confused/crazy/why can’t I process a thought/why can’t I voice what I’m feeling madness that we cannot begin to imagine…my heart goes out to every family that has a loved one this disease has stolen from them. I know our minds have certain “survival skills” in situations to keep us from losing it and falling apart..but he’s going to have to think about her first which means he’s got to find a way to come to grips with the reality of her situation as difficult as it will be..
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It is hard with dementia patients because so often they cannot answer the questions we ask. But could her reluctance be to do with not feeling safe. Particularly with diabetic patients who lose feeling in lower limbs standing or walking feels very unsafe so they fight against doing it. Perhaps a commode chair near to where she sits and a shower chair so she can be seated would help. But also many elderly and dementia patients actually find the shower hurts - the water pressure is too great - could she sit and the shower head be taken down to just provide water for a wash cloth bath. Just a couple of possible ideas. Look after you too.
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I agree that hubby needs some help in re-evaluating what is actually appropriate expectations for his wife. If she is fighting everything he is trying to make you do, things have got to change. Or you will have to give your notice. Showering her every other day is not necessary. Maybe she'd be better with a sponge bath?

If her comprehension skills are so low, her care needs to shift to be at her level, instead of the fantasy land level her husband is asking for.

You need to find a way to deal with the stress you are feeling from this. While being a caregiver is very stressful, for you, it is a job you get to go home from and live your own life on your off hours. Take advantage of that - I think you could benefit from some exercise after work to blow off some steam, etc.
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KCaresTN22 Oct 2021
OMG! Thank you!!! You get where I’m coming from!!! I’ve bitten my tongue sooooo many times with him & his expectations & schedules I’m surprised I haven’t developed a lisp 😂! He doesn’t seem to grasp the situation..the fact that he wanted her to bathe daily when I first started made me almost walk out & I quickly let him know that that was not going to happen unless he did it himself! He’s not come to grips with the reality of this disease, how it works much less the fact that it’s going to continue to get worse & the fact that she has Alzheimer’s & Dementia only multiplies the problem’s! You do what you can but you cannot push and push and push bc she’ll fight you (she literally hocked a luggy at him one day because he was man handling her to try to get her up from sliding off the bed onto the floor & it happened in her fathers room bc she got up while I was using the bathroom & wandered into his bedroom so his voice told me he was pissed at me (I’m sorry for peeing!) like I’d purposely let her go wandering off! Then when she spit at him (I wanted to laugh honestly simply bc he’d irritated me from the first day with his unrealistic expectations!) he looked hurt & then it turned to frustrated anger so he walked off & so I’m calmly talking to her meanwhile her father’s room is right behind her & the noise from his tv and the tv in the living room made me want to scream SHUT THAT !%^€ OFF!!!! Bc as WE know that only further adds to their agitation! Then her husband comes back a few minutes later & I looked at him & waved him away bc he was only making it worse. How some of these families fail to educate themselves on this disease is freakin mind blowing to me!!! Then when you try telling them that you’re aware “John” has always drank his coffee black with a spoon of sugar but he no longer likes it that way anymore (the fact that you continue to make it for him & he doesn’t take maybe 2 sips if any didn’t register with you after months) but when I made it and added cream and sugar and he drank every bit every time but you’re dead set on how he’s always liked it & you don’t want to hear what I’m saying…I know that has to be difficult, Lord knows I can’t imagine..,but I’m only trying to help & if you would actually educate yourself about the disease and the changes that come with it then it would sure be helpful…not just for your loved one & their happiness but for the caregiver who’s only coming from a caring place when they enlighten you on how this or that has changed instead of coming back with excuses…that is the most frustrating part of the job most of the time, the uneducated family NOT the patient!
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It sounds to me like the husband needs the education to learn how to cooperate. Is he putting this pressure on you to do everything on a schedule?

I suggest the two of you work as a team on learning everything you can about how to handle an Alzheimer's patient. The videos mentioned are a good resource, as is the Alzheimer's Association. (Alz.org)
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Here is a listing of videos on bathing.

Teepa Snow is an expert on helping people living with a dementia. You may want to start with her videos, then try out the others.

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=teepa+snow+bathing+without+a+battle
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KCaresTN22 Oct 2021
Thank you
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Try to be a person that she would relate to, (family, friend, neighbor, etc).
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First, you say, “her Alzheimer's as well as dementia”. You say you've been reading “everything”. I don't know what you're reading, but you don't understand that Alzheimer's IS dementia. They are not two different diseases, in fact, dementia is not even a disease. Dementia covers many different conditions and diseases, Alzheimer's is the most prevalent of the dementias.

“Since I’ve been working for this particular patient my anxiety & stress level are insane! I am literally emotionally/mentally exhausted every single day”. This is obviously not the job for you. Are you a paid caregiver or are you volunteering to do this? In either case, it appears you do not have the skills to continue with this particular patient, you are in over your head. I don't mean to embarrass you or make you feel your efforts are not praise worthy, they certainly are, but you don't need to do this. Showering is only one problem, there are many more to come.

If I were you I would excuse myself from this job after looking for an agency or individual who has experience in dementia care to replace you. I appreciate that you are a caring person, and I applaud you for wanting to serve others, but you cannot do this at the expense of your own health.
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MJ1929 Oct 2021
You could have multiple types of dementia. There are more than 70 variations, and yes, Alzheimer's is one.
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