Mom is on the cusp of Hospice eligibility. She's in Assisted Living, end stage, still has a good appetite (but must be spoon fed), wheelchair bound, can't speak but still enjoys our visits very much. She's not experiencing pain but we worry about use of pain meds making her less able to enjoy our visits. Trying to decide if now is the time to start at the insistence of one family member. Thanks for your time!
If your mother is not in pain, why do you think Hospice would give her pain meds? Were you told that by a Hospice provider? If that was the case, I would not use that Hospice organization!
You say your mom is "end stage". End stage dementia? If she still has a good appetite and can sit in a wheelchair, that's exactly where my mom is right now. Not end stage at all. When she can no longer swallow tells you something, I think.
I think the vast majority find their hospice providers to be a blessing, however, don't be afraid to question what they are doing, don't be shy about disagreeing with their methods/recommendations, and feel free to change providers or remove your loved one from hospice altogether if things seem to be not right or if your concerns are not being addressed.
When her doctor determines that there is 6 mos or less she is eligible for hospice.