Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Oh sweetheart you have been grieving her anticipatory passing for all the years you cared for her. I I understand this type of grief because i also lived that process with my mom who had alzheimer's. You watched her go through her transition to heaven and it's okay if you cant grieve the way you thought you would. I am sure there is a sense of relief and a new normal for you now. The darkness and heaviness has lifted now. It's okay to focus on yourself and what joy and fun you want to create for your life now. You gave enough of yourself and now you can give to your own life. Give yourself time to go through the steps of grief. Find your new purpose. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
I gave myself time, then realized that it wasn't enough, so I backed off on everything that had to be done except the basics. Part of the grief arose from dealing with post-death issues; for several months it was hard just going to my father's house to begin asset disposition. With contractors, it wasn't as bad b/c then it was a project and we worked together. But alone...that was just too much.
I think there are also a lot of "what ifs" and "should I have?" in terms of how we handle the last months and years of our involvement in someone's life. I set higher standards for myself after my father's death, so there was a need to balance when was done vs. what could have done, and stop the self recrimination.
Don't set time limits, don't set tasks other than absolutely mandatory ones, and create plenty of time to review, remember, and then remember in positive terms by segueing back over the years to better times.
Now I try to remember all the things I learned from him, as well as from my mother and sister, and how my life has been enriched through them. Then I think how I want to apply those benefits to the rest of my life and share them with others.
Thank you. Realized while reading this that due to time of year, I’ve been pushing hard to get everything done ... funeral, estate, Christmas. In other words, I’ve kept myself super busy and not allowed myself time to just be. Appreciate your response.
My mom passed on 12/15/19. I looked after her for 6 years and provided the best care that I could including the angels of Hospice who were there when she passed. She wanted to die and had wanted to for 20 yrs. Unfortunately she was not into the grandkids, not into my life as I thought a mother should, and was narcissistic to no end.
I was out of town when she passed. I had pre-arranged all the arrangements so that she'd be well cared for and taken care of when she passed.
Do I feel sad? No. Why? Because she received what she wanted, to die in peace. Do I miss her? No. Why? Because she was not involved in my life or interested in my kids or anything but the news or whether Trump would be impeached or not. Will I miss her? I'm not sure. My Dad passed 6 years ago, and I don't miss him. Is that wrong? I don't know. Did I look up and talked to him and ask him what I should do when Mom had one of her rages at the ER? Yep. Did it help? I don't know.
Everyone is different and in different situations and everyone says that. I guess I feel weird in that I should feel bad and grieve as society tells you that's what needs to happen, but I don't. And then some will say that that is ok too.
In short, you will feel what you will. No one should tell you how to feel, how long it will take, or whether you'll feel anything at all. It's up to you as it's up to me right now.
I love your honesty. Hugs! Did you see the Elton John interview about his mom? Very similar to you. She never met his two children. She was selfish and everything was about her.
My dad just died a few weeks ago after I had cared for him in my home for 9 months as his dementia progressed. It was a relief but also a sad struggle to watch him die. It was only a short time until Christmas and I hadn’t done a thing so I went about doing my shopping etc. suddenly feeling so free not needing respite care for him. I’ve found that I sort of put my grief “up on a shelf“ to do Christmas. Now that it’s over it’s creeping out in little ways. Not an over the top boo hoo fest as it was when my husband died, but more of a melancholy feeling as I think back over my memories of caring for him and the fact that a human life that was important to me is now gone from this plane of existence. Having experienced a lot of grief this one is really different for me but I’ve also learned that grief is full of surprises and no 2 situations are alike.
We all grieve differently, and sometimes that grief is a sense of relief instead of the pain that we usually associate with losing someone. When my grandpa died there was a sense of joy in his passing because he was so very ill and in so much pain. He was one of the most important people in my life, and I loved him dearly with all my heart. It has been more than 40 years and I still think of him often. But I have never felt the expected feelings of painfulness. Instead, I skip over the bad and remember the wonderful things he did to show me love. When my grandma passed there were a few days of extreme pain at losing her, but overall it was a feeling that she was no longer struggling and in physical distress. She was a vital part of my life and losing her was devastating, but I knew it was coming and perhaps I had been in grieving throughout the time she was passing instead of at the actual passing. Like my grandpa, I still think of her often. Both of them had a major role in raising me.
Give yourself permission to grieve in the way that fits for you. I truly believe that when people are ill for a long time, the grief is very different from what we expect it should be. As caregivers, we see a different side to things, and that is okay. Fill the emptiness with wonderful memories of times before your mom got sick and you became the caregiver. Do NOT compare yourself to others who are feeling the pain of your mom's passing right now - as her caregiver your experience with her was very different from theirs - it just seems normal to me that grieving would be different, too.
Don't beat yourself up. You probably shed lots of tears as their lives dwindled away, and as you were losing the very capable person who cared for you. There may well have been no tears left to shed when they finally left this world. Be kind to yourself.
It's ok, Look up Kubler Ross stages of grief. Most folks follow that progression of grief. When my Gram died I felt relief: relief that she no longer had pain or disability, relief that mom (primary caregiver) was free of this responsibility, and relief for myself (secondary caregiver) that I was free for new opportunities. If you are concerned after reading Kubler Ross stages of grief, find a grief group... like GriefShare which usually meets in churches.
I didnt grieve for either one of my parents, my Dad who I was very close to was in a Nursing Home and was very ill, it truly was a blessing when he passed! Grieving just didnt feel right because it was a relief! I reminisced about his life and celebrated the Love he had for his wife and his family! My Mother had Alzheimers and I lost her long before her body passed, so it was hard to grieve the loss of someone who didnt even know me in the end! I took care of my parents for 10 years before they had to leave their home! I felt such saddness when that happened! Sometimes the memories bring a tear but they both had a good life together for almost 60 years!
I'm so sorry for your loss. Caregiving is such an immersive experience...we often slip into the role and it ever increases with the person's needs and our providing assistance, often in so many ways and for so much of our daily lives...and then, in a blink...it is over. So my guess is you are grieving in your own way, but maybe you just think not compared to the image you have in your mind of what it looks like. I don't think it is a straight or cookie-cutter kind of path and is as variable as the individuals involved. Also caregiving for such a long time it is as if you have been grieving and anticipating the loss all along...if you feel up to doing anything, help others...if not...maybe a nap? Cut yourself some slack. And if you want to talk about it, find someone...
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I think there are also a lot of "what ifs" and "should I have?" in terms of how we handle the last months and years of our involvement in someone's life. I set higher standards for myself after my father's death, so there was a need to balance when was done vs. what could have done, and stop the self recrimination.
Don't set time limits, don't set tasks other than absolutely mandatory ones, and create plenty of time to review, remember, and then remember in positive terms by segueing back over the years to better times.
Now I try to remember all the things I learned from him, as well as from my mother and sister, and how my life has been enriched through them. Then I think how I want to apply those benefits to the rest of my life and share them with others.
I was out of town when she passed. I had pre-arranged all the arrangements so that she'd be well cared for and taken care of when she passed.
Do I feel sad? No. Why? Because she received what she wanted, to die in peace. Do I miss her? No. Why? Because she was not involved in my life or interested in my kids or anything but the news or whether Trump would be impeached or not.
Will I miss her? I'm not sure. My Dad passed 6 years ago, and I don't miss him. Is that wrong? I don't know. Did I look up and talked to him and ask him what I should do when Mom had one of her rages at the ER? Yep. Did it help? I don't know.
Everyone is different and in different situations and everyone says that. I guess I feel weird in that I should feel bad and grieve as society tells you that's what needs to happen, but I don't. And then some will say that that is ok too.
In short, you will feel what you will. No one should tell you how to feel, how long it will take, or whether you'll feel anything at all. It's up to you as it's up to me right now.
Give yourself permission to grieve in the way that fits for you. I truly believe that when people are ill for a long time, the grief is very different from what we expect it should be. As caregivers, we see a different side to things, and that is okay. Fill the emptiness with wonderful memories of times before your mom got sick and you became the caregiver. Do NOT compare yourself to others who are feeling the pain of your mom's passing right now - as her caregiver your experience with her was very different from theirs - it just seems normal to me that grieving would be different, too.
Many churches offer grief consoling you may want to check into this.
Part of it might be...now...what do I do with my life? This may turn out to be a pivotal moment in your life.
I wish you the best, be gentle with yourself!