I brought my parents to live with my family and I after they ran out of their retirement savings and after mom started to lose her memory. This was a terrible decision and my parents feel like my home is theirs and that I am their child and they can impose their will on me and my family. This is not going well and the strain on my marriage is significant. I cannot find a place for them with less than a 2 year wait in the Fort Myers, Florida area. I need help!
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Have you called Area Agency on Aging for a needs assessment?
Have you looked outside the Ft Myers area?
Where did they live before? Is there a possibility they can return?
Mom has dementia based on your profile. What are your dad’s health challenges?
How old are your parents?
How long have your parents lived with you?
Do they have adequate funds to pay their way if you did find a home for them?
It’s so much harder than we can ever imagine. Hang in there and hopefully we can help you create a plan.
Don’t they have Social Security? Surely, there’s a small ‘regular’ apartment they can afford. Look for places where there are lots of older people. There will be more neighborly involvement and social engagement. Move them and then they’ll be eligible for home care to help with Mom. Don’t sacrifice your family’s wellbeing.
Have a talk with them 1st and set boundaries, not easy to do with parents but, it is you and your spouses home and they have been allowed to stay by you spouses Grace and your love, let them know that their behaviour is not going to be tolerated and basically shape up or ship out. The lack of respect for others seems epic in the USA, through all generations.
How did your parents spend their retirement savings?
If they gifted money to anyone, in the last five years, there will be a "lookback" period that will make them ineligible for medicaid.
Whenever agreeing to take care of parents, it is always best to get an elder care attorney involved to advise them on how to handle their money in case they need to go into a facility.
Unfortunately there are waiting lists and to my knowledge there is no way to bump to the top of the list. I am looking to move my senior brother from NJ to MD to live closer to me and have been working towards this goal for a long time. He hasn’t been able to move due to the waiting list.
Group home seem to open up vacancies sooner.
If they have money, they can get their own apartment but there won’t be a subsidy.
My brother has a voucher from HUD/now his voucher is regulated by the Dept of Agriculture. It is federal so transferable across states. He is required to do recertification yearly with financial review. He keeps all his receipts for annual recert. To meet the criteria he must prove poverty.
Otherwise don’t count on immediate placement- it won’t happen.
I even contacted Catholic Charities and the waiting list is longer there (3-4 yrs). Luckily he has a subsidized apartment already but I want him closer to me. He will be 70 this year.
I called A Place for Mom several years ago when my mom was still alive. They only place seniors with financial assets to pay and will provide you with lists of such places. More like Assisted Living, etc. They did not handle subsidized housing applications and told me right off the bat they don’t have Section 8 info.
Be prepared if you call A Place for Mom as you will get inundated with phone calls from them as they must have contacts with local senior communities, but not for indigents.
Good luck!
But also, know that this move and life-change is probably hard on your parents as well, especially with your mom's loss of memory. Kudos to you and your husband for helping them. It's a difficult time for all of you -- just keep saying to yourself, "I will get through this," while looking for a good, long-term solution.
Meanwhile, don't both of your parents get social security monthly payments? Does either of them have a pension - albeit a small one? Two SS payments per month should be enough to set them up in a basic one-bedroom apartment. Surely they also have Medicare - which will pay for some in-home care for medications, etc.
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