I just found out that my elderly mother's caregiver will be spending Thanksgiving with lots of family. I'm concerned. Any advice for me?

its so sad when we grow old were at the mercy of whomever is taking care of us. we must pray at all times. its ok to ask the agency. you or your mom worked her life to get assistance. its ok to be nice and friendly to the nurse to keep mom happy. Also, giving little gifts here and there. keeping cleaning products around to help clean and wipe down everything. you can keep masks handy and anything else you have to help mom. keep a travel bag with everything in the bag. give mom purr ell, alcohol pads etc. its ok, she's your mom she's worth speaking up for. if there's someone else that can sit in while others are away. if she must go keep her a distance from others she needs to see ppl as well but 6ft. if someone serves her let it be one person. if she needs water by bottle wipe the bottle with alcohol pad, purrell and or the clorox wipes. don't just throw her in a room and forget about her.

They s/b concerned as well as you are because where you go effects her as well.
I would have asked the quaranteeing rules of the agency.. To not have her for two three days is better than bringing it home.
My kids and grandkids are in Florida and Ohio, I can't take the chance on all counts, catch it bring it to them, bring it home to mom or aides nor can I quaranteen from job. So I cannot go, and face time is just not cutting it anymore, can't make cookies do playdo with them on face time.. I have thought about paying to have an aide stay to get mom dinner and to bed, for the three or so days I can come and go from outside of my room, but would they want to take that chance. I do work everyday. but at job with elderly so I am already trying to be careful as possible so are my aides and thats not the agency thats them

Personally, I wouldn't let her back in until she has a covid test 72 hours after Thanksgiving. I would hope she would understand your concern and appreciate it.

Stay safe everyone throughout the holiday season. Our numbers are rising here.

its kind of hard to believe the nurses/caregivers are NOT following CDC guidelines especially for the type of service they are providing.  I am sure the nurse MUST follow it when working in the hospital or wherever she works, so why doesn't she do it elsewhere?  I would definitely ask the agency are they aware of certain workers that are not following guidelines (you don't need to mention names yet).  I know people are tired of keeping distances, wearing masks, etc (me included)............HOWEVER I DO keep my distance, I DO wear my mask, etc only because I had a daughter that got the virus from a worker/owner that coughed/sneezed all over the place and apparently he had it and it spread to my daughter.  Thankfully she recovered after being really sick for a week/and a half.  I personally don't want to get sick and IF I had a nurse come in and care for my parent that had just been with tons of people (hugging/kissing) and then come spread something to her it would be terrible.  I do have someone that baths my mother 2 times a week, she wears gloves and that is the only time she is closest to her.  she takes precautions.  So........I would maybe IF you could.......take care of your mother for 2 weeks before letting the normal person come back and care for her.  that way its at least 14 days after being around other people.  And let the agency know why you are doing that.  wishing you luck.

Lealonnie,

Thank you for sharing your friend’s experience with COVID-19.

I will certainly say a prayer for your friend. What a horrible experience! She is absolutely entitled to her feelings.

I have no idea how anyone could not take COVID-19 seriously. If they went through what your friend did, they would be singing a different tune!

Covid19 is real. Is it hyped up by the media, sure. But the crux of the matter is, the virus can be a deadly thing for many people. I have a friend who's in her early 30's with 2 young children. No preexisting conditions, no co-morbidities. She's a medically trained EMT, in fact, who caught the virus from her boss who came to work in spite of the fact that his wife was sick with the virus. He wore a cloth mask; she wore a medical grade mask; they sat together in a smallish office for a 30 minute meeting. She got sick 3 days later; masks are approximately 70% effective; 3 out of 10 people caught the virus with BOTH parties wearing masks in that office.

She was hospitalized for 5 days, not on a ventilator.........she narrowly avoided it, fortunately. She was released about 12 days ago; here is what she updated me with today, for those who would like a first hand glimpse into the life of a Covid survivor:

"Recovery is slow. I’m feeling impatient with how long it’s taking. I started getting insurance paperwork in the mail and it’s hard to read. “Acute Respiratory Failure with hypoxia” was my diagnosis. I read my EMS report, and it was similarly stark.

I’m not sure if it’s because I’m finally rehydrated or if it’s a part of the natural healing process but I have been crying on and off all day. When I think about how I was infected .... it feels like a violation, a betrayal.

In my brain, I know he didn’t do it on purpose, but it was such a blindingly terrible and unsafe decision.... that I can’t reconcile it in my heart.

He almost orphaned my children.

When the ambulance was on the way, I got out my big emergency book. The one with all the documents/phone numbers/guardianship papers/will, because I wasn’t sure when/if I would be coming back. I pulled out the emergency cash and one of my high limit credit cards, and went over with my 15 year old what I thought she needed to know in case things went bad. I showed her the insurance accounts and described who to hand the papers to.

I know in my brain, things are on the mend. And I know I’m just going through an acute stress reaction, but knowing it doesn’t make it feel any better. I’ve had to take Ativan almost every night since I came home because I wake up short of breath... and my body remembers.

When I was 15, I was intubated following a medical crisis. I remember waking up a week later on a ventilator and that first heavy breath.... where your diaphragm wants more air but your lung tissue says no. It’s like breathing through concrete. That feeling has woken me every night since I’ve been home, and I need a sedative to slow my racing heart down.

I want to be back to normal. My body is still so weak and achy. I’m still having fevers a couple times a day and need my inhaler 4-5 times per day. I’ve lost about 1/4-1/3 of my hair. I am making progress, it’s just painfully slow. I can finally brush my teeth without sitting in a chair. And I made dinner for the kids tonight, without having to sit down.

The thing that gets me through is the resilience of the kids and the gratefulness for my friends and family.

The girls seem to be recovering well, lots of snuggling, all day every day. They were both presumed positive, but only had mild cold symptoms.

My friends have been bringing food and texting me every day. I’m overwhelmed by their kindness and generosity. One of the girls even collected money and paid for the boarding we did with the dog.

I’m just ready to be back to normal. I’m going to need to see a counselor before I go back to work, or I’m going to have a meltdown. "

For those who are calling us 'sheeple' and have other derogatory things to say about how we choose to handle ourselves during this pandemic, you might glean a bit of knowledge yourselves from this post.

Whatever you do, stay safe & keep others safe.

Caregiver to caregiver:
"If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men."

Taking hostility out on people you do not know; people who have sat with their loved one and cared throughout, even through blindness, and for many faithful years.

a troll and sockpuppet comes along to divide the community.....this breaks my heart.

Not okay! Start your own caregiver burnout threads.

Imho, you have a valid right to be concerned about your vulnerable disabled mother and the caregiver celebrating with her family. Prayers sent.

I can't believe - after reading all of the comments - what a bunch of misinformed and NASTY commentors most of you are! First and foremost - are ANY of you Doctors? Are any of you degreed Virologists (Doctors who study Viruses) or have any family member who is a Doctor or Nurse Practitioner? I'm sure the answer is no - so I'm going to give you a quick education. My DIL is a Doctor in Chicago and co-partners with a Virologist at Northwestern University. My DIL Supervises Influenza Flu Clinics for a Pharmaceutical Company and is preparing her Techs for the SARS COVID19 Vaccine - so she KNOWS what she is talking about ! Read and learn and I will keep this in LAYMANS' language = #1 If you think the Vaccine is going to keep you from getting the SARS COVID 19 Virus, you are in for a BIG disappointment. It may lessen the severity, but it is NOT a cure. 2# Snowcat60 is spot on. This virus is not as lethal as the media has portrayed it to be. How do I know that? Because more rational medical scientists have told us so. #3 You posters have vilified the caregiver and are offering conjectures. You are SO wrong! Check out the Great Barrington Declaration and Petition. #4 Yes, I have had the Virus and so have several family members (oh gosh, and we wore masks and social distanced). We all survived and are doing nicely - JUST LIKE THE INFLUENZA A and B. #5 I understand your concern, but you attempting to "report to the Administrator" is just trying to shut down free speech you have no reason to do so. Just because you disagree with someone "calling you out for the MISINFORMATION" you post is no reason to call for the Administrator to shut someone down. 6# This forum has become so ubiquitous with falsehoods, I question the rational of having a forum like this, with people posting who CLEARLY and SADLY are so misinformed.

I’m a caregiver for a 77 yr old lady with Alzheimer’s and heart failure. I’m not ready to live with myself if I contracted covid from a large gathering and gave it to her. I’ve been telling my family for the last month or so that i cannot attend Thanksgiving this year. What I’ve done over the last week is to visit my kids individually with precautions in place, we had a wonderful time, had turkey and all that but it was just me and one of my children at a time. We are secure enough in our love for each other that sacrificing a thanksgiving, without my presence, is not going to do any harm to our family and it could very well save a life. My client’s daughter asked me about my thanksgiving plans. I wasn’t offended at all. She asked me to let her know if I changed my mind and attended my family’s thanksgiving and asked if I’d be willing to wait 2 weeks before returning following a negative test. Again I was not offended, I told her that I had no intention of attending but that yes I would let her know if that changed and I would isolate two weeks and test. I can’t think of a more irresponsible action than a caregiver who knowingly puts herself at high risk of contracting covid and possibly carrying it unaware to an already vulnerable individual. Imagine if that person we promised to take care of died because we weren’t willing to sacrifice one thanksgiving day. Wow.
Talk to her. I think she will understand your concern but if not, you might need to look for a more responsible caregiver.

I don't know if others have already responded and said the same, but I will say that regardless of what any agency or employer's guidelines are to follow re COVID it doesn't mean a particular employee has or will follow them. IF they have half a brain, of course they will take precautions, from a moral and ethical perspective alone if not for their own well being....but will they? You have every right to be concerned. It is obviously not only your caregiver who will be coming back in your environment, it will be everyone she spent time with...and wondering if THOSE people were following precautions. What does the agency say THEY are doing to safeguard clients? Are you there daily? Can you do a temp check prior to their entry? I think if it were me, I would not want the caregiver back for 2 weeks and to have a negative COVID test done at that point.

The caregiver is at best ignorant. The reality is that this is a harmful action in the context of a pandemic. Just because many others are traveling and gathering does not make it less so. Make sure your mom gets the vaccine asap. Talk to her facility or provider now, to clinch it. Meanwhile, before you speak to the caregiver from your heart and mind, speak to the agency (if she is an agency employee), then you must speak out to the caregiver. If she hears your truthful perspective and what it means to you -- and look at the worry it is already engendering -- she may actually think deeper about her life. The simple act of staying home will translate into more thanksgivings in the coming years for those that are still alive. Maybe your mom loves this caregiver, but think of the consequences! The carer must understand that there are other caregivers that could be hired. Before she is allowed to return to care for your mom, that caregiver must have two documented negative tests AND self-quarantine for 14 days, meaning NO contact with others and stress that to her before I'd let her anywhere near. See if your mom can understand that and try to get on by herself for that amount of time.

One thing that might be - is that this caregiver is very conscientious and has had her family following careful protocol so that they can enjoy a holiday together . Nevertheless I don’t blame OP for taking precautions of substituting herself to care for mom for two weeks in order to be as sure as possible .
my husband and I have been very careful - order takeout if we want restaurant food and mostly have groceries delivered, wear masks in public which is just occasional store visits , we do see neighbors outside but maintain distances . We had our daughter her husband and child with us from March to July when she returned home to deliver a baby boy . We came to watch gd during that but wore masks when they brought him home. I am now watching this adorable baby while they work from home . We do plan on hosting them for Thanksgiving since I am with them all week and with my hub on weekends - seems like we are a family group anyway . We sadly won’t spend it with my siblings and parent — nor our son and his wife ..saw our son just once since started and that was outdoors socially distanced and masked . I think if everyone was as careful this would have been over long ago

Ignore the trolls and sock puppets, that's what they tell me.

Filed under movielines.....

"Attention, there is a riot, I repeat, there is a riot". "All guards report to the prison yard immediately!"

What movie is this from?

Snowcat60,

Please take a moment to read what you wrote just now.

Not only was it rude but it’s not accurate.

Of course it is the original poster’s business to be concerned about her mom. She is taking her responsibility of caregiving seriously.

If you feel what you wrote is true, then how do you explain all of the deaths that have occurred so far?

Supplements do not prevent deaths from COVID-19.

Being smart by taking precautions and following all of the recommendations from the medical professionals is the best way to go.

FamilyNeeded,

Read my message to Snowcat. You don’t seem to realize how serious COVID-19 is either.

Please be sensitive to the original poster’s concerns. People have died and continue to die from COVID-19.

This is not about the media. We are living during a pandemic.

A vaccine is almost ready to be distributed throughout the nation.

We must do whatever we can to protect ourselves and prevent spreading COVID-19.

It is wonderful that she will be spending this time with her family as should you! Covid is not as deadly as they are telling you. The recovery rate is over 99%. There is a lot of misinformation in the main stream news. Unfortunately they are spreading propaganda to promote fear. Do not fall for it. There are wonderful things out there now to help those who do get sick. HCQ is one you can take right at home. Also Regeneron is AMAZING. Do not be afraid! Spend time this thanksgiving with family. May God Bless You and your family!

Oh for crying out loud, seriously? How about boosting your Moms immune system?
You know vitamin C, D3, Zinc, Elderberry, good nutrition?
Its none of your business what the caregiver does on her own time! Zero, zip, nada!
FYI, this virus is no different than any other virus. It has a 99.99 survival rate.
‘Would you be thinking this way durning regular cold and flu season, which by the way is upon us?
How about being proactive in your Moms health and stop trying to run other people’s lives?
Im sure the caregiver is smart enough to stay away if she’s sick. A positive test doesn’t mean chit and has been scientifically proven.
All you sheeple, Covidians are making me sick! Just hearing your ridiculous concerns.
Sheeh! Give the caregiver a break!
Oh and Happy Thanksgiving!

Some good answers below. It will be safest if she quarantines for 14 days before seeing any clients. Some states allow people to test out of quarantine, but tests have to be taken at the right time to be reliable (it takes a few days after a gathering for the virus to build up in someone's body if they were infected). Perhaps the agency can send someone else while she quarantines.

Tell her she can come back in two weeks to make sure, “We’re all safe.” She’ll know that you take it seriously. This is hard, so many of us are sacrificing time with people we can’t be close to, while others are like, “Oh I can’t wait to see my 25 cousins who are flying in from all over oops I dropped my mask again silly me.” If she possibly has to lose pay for a couple of weeks maybe she’ll rethink Christmas, or at least realize some of us aren’t taking chances and sorry, you can’t come in til you’re cleared. Ugh this is the worst year ever.

My wife, with mult-imorbidites was recently in the hospital for 10 days. I asked the staff how often they were tested and the response was only when exposed without PPEs in place.

If you require the caregiver to wear an approved mask, gloves and follow all other precautions, your mother may be as safe as she would be in the hospital.

You are absolutely right to be concerned. Anyone who is travelling as well as celebrating in two different households would appear not to take the threat seriously.
Definitely ask the agency what their policy is. I would suggest asking that this caregiver stay away from your mother for at least 4 days upon her return and that she then be tested for COVID - if she has been exposed and is asymptomatic, it can show up on a test then. Another thing you could do is ask the caregiver to leave a set of clothes she will change into when she arrives at your house; you can launder it between visits. You may also wish to have the caregiver wear not only a mask but a face shield as well. This disease is real and it is a serious health threat not only to frail elderly but to healthy younger people. With over a quarter million of dead in the USA, this is not a joke or something to be taken lightly.

Let the Cafegiver and the agency know of your concerns and tell her once she gets back you would like her not to come around for 14 days and during the 14 days, use a different Caregiver.

I don't blame you for being concerned.  I am guessing she is already exposing herself to extended friends and family and Thanksgiving is not going to be a change for her.

I would express your concerns to the Agency and ask what their plan is when their employees are not following recommendations from the CDC.  With that being said, I don't think you're going to be able to do anything about it because it's not a mandate...it's a recommendation.

There is no point in testing her if she isn't going to quarantine for two weeks.  The caregiver could have Thanksgiving with 50 people on Thursday, get tested on Monday and test negative.  It can take up to 2 weeks before symptoms appear and or a test comes up positive.

Just make sure that she keeps her mask on, sanitizes her hands and wipes down everything before she leaves your moms house. That is really all you can do outside of firing the agency you've hired and taking care of mom yourself.

just tell her for the sake of your mother's health she will need to quarantine per CDC guidelines - which I believe is 14 days.

what makes you think another caregiver will not be equally exposed to people--your current one should have kept their mouth shut about their holiday plans. Everytime you go shopping makes you equally exposed.

If you are so concerned about COVID you need to totally 100% isolate her and allow no caregivers to come over. You do the care 100% and do not ever go out and wipe everything down you buy including groceries before bringing them into the house. I mean NO visitors at all.

In case you have not noticed, about 50% to 75% of the people I seen wearing masks in stores do it incorrectly with their noses exposed which is the same as having no mask at all.

Good luck!

I'd fire anyone that uncaring about her health and everyone she she comes in contact with. There are going to be a lot of deaths just before Christmas.

Check with the agency over your concerns. I don't blame you for being concerned.

You have some excellent advice here. My all means be concerned.
Contact the agency. Check with the caregiver if she is taking precautions. Try to get her to cancel the trip. As the Governor of New York says: "Don't be the turkey this Thanksgiving. Tell your loved ones that you love them so much you are NOT coming to see them." PERSONALLY, WITH MY WIFE IN BED AT HOME 10 YEARS INTO ALZHEIMER'S I WOULD REQUIRE ANY CAREGIVER WHO DOES WHAT YOUR CAREGIVER IS DOING TO BE TESTED ON RETURN AND TO SELF-ISOLATE IN THEIR OWN HOME FOR 10 DAYS BEFORE RETURNING TO YOUR HOME. YOU CAN LOOK AFTER YOUR MUM OR GET HELP FROM ONE OR TWO OTHER CAREGIVERS WHO HAVE NOT TRAVELED.

The reality is that if visitors gather, they are just as likely to give covid19 to those they meet as to receive it from them. One USA Governor estimated that if 10 people gathered inside for a long meal there was a 50% chance that someone had covid and was transmitting it to others. With 50 million people already booked on airlines within the USA, that is probably an underestimate.

All the best in these challenging times