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I am very active and try to stay healthy. I have volunteered as a dog walker at our shelter for 12 years. Everyone knows me well and it is like a real job. In Jan, a young woman began working there. We were friendly as I am with everyone. I heard that she had a minor injury with a dog. I asked another staff how she was. A male staff member loudly approached (verbally attacked) me in the lobby and yelled that the injured person is a he (transgender) and I am insensitive ( after caring for injured and lost dogs for 12 years). I am also a healthcare professional.
I got upset and said I didn’t know anything about a person’s sexual business and pronouns and I would not be discussing it in the main lobby, and left crying. I have been removed from volunteer dept and put under the HR guy. I had to meet with HR, a board member (nonprofit), and the shelter director. I was to return in May. Now I got an email that they want another mtg before I can return.
I feel destroyed. Apparently they have informed staff about pronouns (not volunteers). Whoops! They screwed up. I’m really not very accepting of the trans stuff, but could have gotten by. This has been 4 mos. I’m very sick to my stomach and can’t eat. I loved working there and did important work. I was able to get through to fearful dogs and am proud of that. It’s all ruined and I am supposed to have another meeting where they can further humiliate me. If I have a chance to return, how can I work with the people again. To reiterate, I have 12 years, 450 hrs, and have done enough work to be equivalent to $65,000.
I mostly sent this as a warning to other older volunteers as to how they can really get in trouble with this woke stuff. Thanks for listening. I don’t know if they did anything to the guy who yelled at me.

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Thanks for all your kind answers. I feel that I’ve known some of you for several years. I just want to clear up a few things. I don’t need any man “straightening me out” about a woman’s sexuality no matter how nice he is about it. I gave my personal opinion on trans stuff here only, not at the shelter. My response was crying in shock at the info and situation. I am a physical therapist and am pretty good at telling a man from a woman. The person in question was not even there that day. All I wanted to know was if she was ok after a dog incident.
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bundleofjoy Apr 2023
that man who verbally attacked you is totally silly.

there are many silly people in the world. it -- won't -- be the last time you (or i) bump into silly people. by the way, they exist online too. people who have a chip on their shoulder, and who want to throw their bitterness at you.

the guy in your lobby was in a bad mood. he took it out on you. he made it look like it was about you (typical strategy), but it has nothing to do with you.

if he had been in a good mood, how would he have spoken to you? probably something like this:
"he'll be OK, the injury is healing. so sweet of you to be concerned. by the way, he's actually a he."

and you probably would have said:
"oh, he's a he. thanks for letting me know. so glad he'll be OK."
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Volunteers have a lot of power, since what they provide is so important to organizations. I would not take this level of disrespect from this shelter. You have a lot to offer; go elsewhere.

Paid workers often have to put up with a lot, but that is something volunteers do NOT have to do.
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This male staff member was out of line. It is so hard to tell who is who now a days. At 73 I refuse to play the game. If your born a male your a he, if your born a female your a she. Identify with any sex you want, but don't expect me to know which one you are. If your dressed as a woman, I will consider u a woman. If you want to be called a he or she then express that. Don't expect others to know that.

I would just hand in my resignation with a nice letter saying how much you have been humiliated for something you were not aware of or told about. That your a volunteer not an employee. That you feel your "slip up" was taken way too far. The staff member could have handled it much different by saying "were u aware that she is a he?" Not barrating you like a child.

There are other shelters.

P.S. Just want to say that I feel everyone should be who they want to be. I just think things have been taken too far. Teachers reprimanded because they called a student a he when he identifies as a she. A girl identifying as a cat so the teacher has to treat her like a cat. Its just too much.
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Catskie62 Apr 2023
I agree with you 200%!!
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So sorry this happened to you. To be verbally attacked, yelled at by a staff member in the lobby over anything is not acceptable.

If anything I would say you have a legitimate complaint to HR. Not that they would necessarily see it that way, but they might.

On the other hand, who wants to volunteer at a place who treats their volunteers like you have been treated?

Kudos to you for all the time and effort you have put in. You don't have to go to another meeting if you don't want to, but you can volunteer somewhere else.
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The guy who yelled at you is a jerk and the Human Resources department is made up of cowards. Really is that simple. Personally I would go to the meeting and ask what are the consequences of an employee yelling at a volunteer? I would tell them that due to the emotional distress caused by their employee you can no longer volunteer and are struggling with mental issues. I would just be curious as to their response as they are so concerned about the mental issues of the person that was not even there. Volunteer somewhere else.
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I'd volunteer my services elsewhere, if I were you. Devote your time and effort towards people who respect and appreciate you instead of those who want to virtue signal about something inappropriate to begin with! Since when is a person's sexuality up for discussion in the workplace? If this individual has pronouns they like, then let others know those preferences honestly and w/o creating a ridiculous scene or throwing a hissy fit.
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Thanks for all your understanding. I have a decision to make in a few weeks. I probably won’t return.
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I get where you are coming from and I would be devastated too, that kind of conflict is one of the reasons I chose early retirement. But take a deep breath before you decide to let one a$$hole chase you away from something you love and are good at, in the end it doesn't matter who was wrong or right as long as you are able to put it behind you. I'd go to that meeting curious not furious (as Dr Joy Browne used to advise), you really do have nothing to lose 🤗
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PeggySue2020 Apr 2023
The whole hr dept is involved now over this volunteer. This is a no win situation for her. Just leave and go to a shelter elsewhere.

Id also suggest to op that she not have social relations with staff. It really complicates things.

Nothing to do with trans, but my shelter used to have a big prime rib feast for Christmas and only for staff. A volunteer took it upon herself to complain to her, and now we had some cold noodle thing. This volunteer was like shunned for life.

Interactions between u and line staff, anywhere, should just be about the dogs and your specific role.
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As dedicated as you have been I am surprised this went as far as it did.
That said when you return for the second meeting express yourself as eloquently (and from another post I replied to) as succinctly as possible.
If they still have their "tighty whities" in a knot your Volunteer services will be welcomed by any number of organizations.
* and if you want to get "nitpicky" if the staff member did inform you as to the medical status/health status of the other Volunteer the staff person may have been in violation of HIPAA rules.*
AND..if the Volunteer that you were friendly with never informed you as to the pronouns that were preferred you have no way of knowing. I don't know about you but I do not ask anyone about their sexual preference or their gender. The only time it would concern me is if I intended to have a sexual relationship with that person only then would it matter.
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I am so sorry this happened. It seems like an innocent mistake has become the occasion for a witch hunt. There is a real problem right now with some non-profits and this kind of behavior, apparently. An educational non-profit in my area that has a summer camp wound up having to cancel camp last year at the last minute disappointing a whole bunch of kids because of something similarly ridiculous that a few younger staff people whipped themselves up into a frenzy about:

https://www.paloaltoonline.com/news/2022/06/13/hate-symbol-or-buddhist-emblem-hidden-villa-cancels-summer-camps-for-1000-kids-after-staffers-resign-over-swastika-tiles

I would politely decline more HR meetings and advise this organization that you are sorry for the initial mistake and are moving on. I would then find another place to volunteer.
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PeggySue2020 Apr 2023
These woke people would destroy temples in Seoul. Historical relics. It’s not their fault the swastika was appropriated.
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