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I find it very hard to set boundaries with her...bc I guess as a child she relied on me like I was an adult...her partner even..not sexuslly ...but she put me in a position no child should be put in.. she wants me to rescue her. I can only tolerate her for an hour or less a week.I ask God to take her a lot recently..have a lot of unresolved stuff still with my Mom...she's in rehab right now, and it feels good to be away.She did find out a way to call me though..and has called me twice today.Turning phone off ..Self care HAS to be priority!

You're on top of this! A lot of people who come here for advice aren't as far along as you are in Reality. They think they must take care of an intolerable person and sacrifice themselves on the altar of a demanding narcissist's illness.

On the other hand, you already understand that you need to take care of yourself and that mom is a narc. You know you can't rescue her, and that is Truth.

I hope we will see more of your posts.
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Reply to Fawnby
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'in rehab right now"

What's the plan after rehab?
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Reply to Beatty
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I hear ya it is hard to set boundaries, and they hate it but you have to.

I think if you work on yourself, get therapy, if you are not in therapy already. Read the book OUT of the Fog, fog meaning fear, obligation and guilt. Work on your mental health it will get easier the stronger and more confident you will feel. Work on your self esteem, you are worthy to have a good life,!

Also inside you might be feeling misplaced guilt, work on that also . You have nothing to feel guilty about, you didn't make mom old , you did make her dependent on you, you were a child and that's emotional abuse.

It takes time , and even if your mom passes soon, the work will be well worth it in your life
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Reply to Anxietynacy
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Anxietynacy Aug 12, 2024
Also it sounds like you have years of being groomed to take care of her, that takes a lot of work to deprogram those thoughts
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Are you referring to the "Is it normal she's so negative thread?" It's been around since 2014 so A LOT of people have found it helpful! 🤣

I was an only child with a very negative, self absorbed mother who had dementia also. It was an incredibly challenging 10.5 year period, I'll tell you that. Praying for God to take her was something I did regularly.....dementia is no "life" and mom wound up living to 95.

Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.
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