My husband has been diagnosed with dementia. I do have a caregiver who is here 4 hrs a day Mon-Fri. My husband is pretty much house bound except for doctor appointments. He has episodes of incontinence so he doesn't really like to leave the house. But I feel bad when I leave the house without him, even though he has a wonderful care-giver. But I need to be able to have a conversation with people who make sense when you talk to them.
All the best
You love him. He loves you. He would want the best for you. You want to be your best. Everybody wins.
If the caregiver is wonderful then you do not have to feel guilty. I know that you are grateful that you are blessed with a terrific caregiver.
Contact with other adults refreshes the spirit, relieves anxiety, and allows you to be your best self.
Don’t leave for yourself, leave for your husband, and come back for him too.
Please find a way to get rid of that guilt!
You need to get out when you can. Just say, "I love you. I'll be back soon." and off you go for shopping or book group or exercise class.
How great you have a care giver/helper you like. Treasure that.
you can not help that he has a disease, whether it be dementia, cancer or something else, it happened and you have no control over it. You will be a much better wife and caregiver if you take time for your needs. You can not subjugate yourself to the caregiver role 100%.
learn how to love yourself. Tell yourself, I am a good wife, my husband has care while I’m gone, I need to do self care so I don’t burnout. I applaud you for doing this! Now go and don’t look back as though you've committed a crime. Perhaps get yourself into an Alzheimer’s support group. They will support your decision!
As one with IBSD and BAM, double causes of severe bouts of diarrhea, there are times it is impossible for me to leave home. When it is severe, it is difficult at times to even stop cooking, wash hands, and make it to the bathroom in time. I wouldn’t care if the spouse went somewhere without me, want him to carry on life as normally as possible. We have enough adapting to do, with these horrific bowel diseases, despite the medications that sometimes work, and sometimes do not.
We just took turns (hard to believe that we all got along in those days!!) giving her time away. He never had 'not family' care so he was 'alone' when she left, but there was someone with him, always.
I know it was hard for her, as he would often call her and ask when she was coming home and that made her anxious.
Funny thing--I just got through with chemo for lymphoma. My Dh went on two separate business trips both lasting 3 weeks each. He called me once during one trip and texted me during the other. It's lucky for me that I have great neighbors. He could not bear to see me bald and sick, so he simply put me on the back burner and ignored me.
Everyone is different and their wants and needs are different. I could not do enough for my DH and he couldn't have done less.
Finding a happy medium (which we never did) would be optimal, so I would suggest talking it out and coming to a place where he doesn't feel abandoned and you don't feel like an unpaid CG.
The MANY times my DH has been 'laid up' with something, he wants me right there 24/7. It's exhausting and I know I would get angry with him and that didn't help. He never figured out that I needed to get away from him from time to time.
Lunch out with a friend or just a long walk would refresh me enough that I could go back into the trenches and be OK.