I have hit another breaking point with my mother. She has become so dependant on me and constantly nags me. She expects me to fix her meals and will bombard me with things that need to be done in the house for the day when she gets home from work. I understand that she had surgery on her shoulder in November and is now having pain in her right hip (which needs to redone) but the dependency is to much. My dad and I have been doing so much for the past few months. For developmental context my mom is 67 and I am 30. I have just finished graduate school for my social work degree. I am currently looking for school social work jobs which has proven to be difficult. Everyday she always asking me have I heard anything or have I applied to more jobs. I just told her to stop nagging me and constantly being on me. She then says she won't say anything about it to anymore.
1) Work out which jobs she can do, and agree with your father that neither of you will do them. She needs the exercise, among other things.
2) Think about what can be skipped. Get frozen meals, or cook in bulk and freeze portions. Pick something that Dad likes if you can. Get your mother to get them ready for the plate. If she doesn’t like them much, it will give her an incentive to start cooking again rather than being waited on.
3) Remember that compulsive cleanliness is not necessarily a good thing. Don’t do the jobs on demand – when you get home from work, or when she gets home from work? It’s a bit confusing.
4) If she keeps asking difficult questions about your job search, walk out of the room.
You need to push hard, so that slavery doesn’t become permanent. Good luck!
Boundries...seems Mom has been spoiled by dear Dad. You need to be firm and tell Mom you need to be in bed by a certain time. You have internship, school and work. That in itself is enough for anyone person. Is there someone you can stay with, an Aunt or grandmom for a while. Till u get school and internship out of the way?
Sorry, I would want you to be out of my house at 30 if you weren't working and being testy because you are expected to contribute to the household while I work and pay the bills. Time to get out!
Mum is 67.
Mum has chronic pain.
Mum is still working fulltime.
OP is 30
OP is not working
OP has not found SW jobs to apply for. Is OP applying for any jobs at all?
Mum expects that dinner will be made by OP or her husband when she gets home from working all day.
Mum expects unemployed 30 year old to be doing house hold chores while Mum is at work.
Mum also expects Dad, (is he employed), to help out too.
OP and Dad do not feel they should have to prepare meals or do household chores as requested by Mum.
If I were Mum I would be kicking you both to the curb.
If you are not dad's caregiver, I'd try to be more thoughtful of her. Maybe, put some flowers in a vase and have dinner ready a couple of nights when she gets home. Do the laundry, after asking. Or ask her, if she'l write down some thing you can do to help her out. Showing compassion and eagerness, goes a long way.
She may be worried that you can't get work. Maybe, she's anxious for you to get more independent. I get it. If you're not happy there, I'd consider taking a job that is not in your field. Many people do it, to make ends meet. It would enable you to contribute to the household expenses. THAT might really help her relax more. I'd just consider that when you go out and work all day, come home and still have to do chores, when others are there not working.....it can cause resentment. I'd be sure to tell her how much you appreciate her sacrifice.
I am 63 and have had 1 hip replacement so far. Bone on bone pain is like nothing else. Throw in a shoulder surgery AND working full time and asking for help around the house & dinner to be prepared when she gets home from work doesn't sound like much to me.
You are 30 years old, living at home with your folks and complaining about it? Move out, that's my suggestion. If my kids were living with me and giving me grief about helping out & then accusing me of nagging them at the same time, I'd ask them to please move out ASAP. That's the way it should be when one enters adulthood.........they move out and do everything for themselves. Sounds like your mom is hoping you do move out by asking you about what jobs you have lined up.
Good luck!
I wish you strength and a reminder to self care, self care, self care.