Sorry it has taken years for me to mention. They are now 95. My mother is more intrusive than ever. Seems to think she can bust into our room to yell and comment on any private heated discussions we may have as if she is going to enact some punishment. She doesn’t respect any personal boundaries. Shes a narcissist and all that that implies.
She threatens to leave whenever she doesn’t like to hear the truth about herself.
Last night, she busted into my room while I was changing clothes to yell at us about a disagreement my BF and I were having. I had to tell her to mind her own business and leave my room, and close the the door in behind her.
She proceeded to berate me calling me stupid and inept to handle my personal business. No response from me was left uncriticized.
She threatened that they were leaving in a couple of days anyway. I said feel free.
I know that no response to her is probably the best response, but she is infuriating.
Appreciate all your comments. Polly
At this point in her life she can’t change, but you can
Why wouldn't she think that. She CAN. Every day proves that she CAN.
It's almost impossible to stay all Gray Rock with someone like this on a daily basis when that person is right there, in your own space, 24/7. You WILL be broken eventually. And by the time you react your reaction will be so over the top it will be scary.
I can only wonder if you might consider a few sessions with a good licensed social worker in private practice as a counselor, primarily not to learn to live with this--you HAVE been for a long time--but to learn to come to some decisions for your own life moving forward.
Only you can decide how long you will sacrifice your own life on this pyre.
I’m a part time caregiver to my 94 y/o parents. I live in the basement of my parents home every other month. My mother is not easy either. I visit with her when the caregivers are on duty because she puts on her social facade and it can be pleasant. .I take care of what needs to be done so all the caregiving doesn’t fall in solely on my siblings that live in the neighborhood . I live on the West Coast and fly back to the East Coast. I love my mom because she is my mom but truth be told she can be an abusive bully and I could not live with her full time. I doubt my siblings could either. We carry a lot of baggage from our childhoods.
We just placed dad in a nursing home because I and my siblings simply could not handle the stress of my dads mobility and toilet issues. I’m sure my mom hates us (me more specifically because I pushed for this)!for not wanting to do more but none of us want to do it. And my mother doesn’t get to weigh on this decision because she has enough on her plate to just get through her day. If I knew my dad had less than a year, I might have been there full time. But it’s clear that death is not imminent for either of them. I think we are looking at years of this.
Save yourself. Get some professional advice and do research on what needs to be done to place them in AL.
I read your previous posts and answers. Your profile says your parents moved in with you. This is your home your rules. BF must love u to put up with this. Your mistake was allowing your parents to take over your home and you confining yourself to one room. If Dad is still with you too, maybe its time to place them. If they have money, a nice Memory care. If not a nice Long-term care with Medicaid paying their share.