I am so sick of only hearing about elderly topics! Anyone else feel this way?

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I am so sick of only hearing about elderly topics! Anyone else feel this way?

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So tired of hearing about bowel movements, having to pee constantly, thinning hair, not being able hear well, on and on and on, not being able to walk well, etc. I care but my God, it is so hard to only hear about these things.

Nothing interesting. If I try to redirect to a different topic somehow the conversation ends up being about poo again! Geeeeez, there is only so much poo I want to hear about! Enough already.

I try to read or watch tv to relax and she will sit by me and do this over and over. If I walk off and go to my room she will complain later. You'd think she would take the hint if I walk off. I'm not going to tell her that I don't want to talk about her bowel situation because it won't do any good and she will just ignore me or insult me. I think she likes if I object to something. She considers it a goal that she has achieved so I don't react as much but inside I am screaming silently. Anyone else feel this way?

Burnout Family Caregiver

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Ever since puberty we have paid attention to the butt. How it was shaped. How it reacted when walking. did it swing right with the hips? Is it too big, too small, too soft? Did it clap while walking? Are the panty lines visiable?

Now we are older and peope talk about its function with disgust or its lack of function with worry. Or maybe the type of discharge it produces.
Should we talk more about the other side? Or get more medical attention for the butt? Maybe we should look into having a discharge valve installed for it.
Perhaps the game of catch me, catch me should be changed to catch it, catch it, now clean it.

I don't have the answer to these questions.

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Also, old people constantly talk of their kids and families - over and over again. This is very hurtful to me. I have NO living family and it hurts me terribly to be constantly reminded. This is one reason I refuse to get too involved with older people unless they are in that very tiny minority who can carry on an interesting stimulating conversation about all kinds of topics in the world. But in eleven years in assisted living, I only found about six people among the residents with that ability and now they have all passed. I'd rather be lonely and spend time with my kitty and my own interests than waste time talking crap. There is too much I still want to learn and achieve. Time is growing short.

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Because I became disabled and can't walk, I live in an assisted living facility. The staff is great, and the surrounding area and building are beautiful. But it is impossible for me, a very high achiever to converse with the people here. They have almost nothing to say or they repeat, and repeat and repeat the same issues. I simply do not have the tolerance for this gibberish. I will be 86, still work at two jobs (50 years and l4 years); finished six years of online college courses a few months ago; am involved in all kinds of challenging hobbies; drive and go out to eat alone; handle all of my own affairs. Every day I challenge myself to keep current with everything going on in my life and most important learn something new. And the list goes on. I can't stand talking to older people because most that I see eat, sleep, shit and watch t.v. - I'd rather be dead than live that way. So I am polite and friendly but I stay by myself and read two books at lunch and supper (love doing that) and do my own things. If I do talk and they start in repeating or "old" talk, I very politely tell them I already heard it and either change the subject or leave at once. You can have the old people.

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I often say, if it weren't for bowel movements, urination, discussions about bowel movements and urination, the need to take a bowel movement or urinate, or the urgency to do so in the middle of the night, there would be NO problems and NOTHING to talk about with our folks! Hey, the good news is, the hospital came out with a new device.....it's a sponge like thing that is placed between the woman's labia while lying down on the bed; the sponge has a hose that connects directly to a jar on the wall that collects the urine! Yay! So, the elderly patient does not have to be pressing the call button every 15 minutes to notify the poor nurse that she again is WET and needs to be changed IMMEDIATELY. Ain't life grand? Oh wait........this qualifies as a urination discussion, doesn't it? :)

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Ok here goes. I will try to keep it as brief as possible. We have a house on the market in a suburb of NYC. We have lived there for 31 years. It is a bad market for sellers. We have made improvements over the years. The only weak area is the kitchen which we did 22 years ago but is dated and a wall to the dining room should be taken down to create a more open feeling which is what is desired now. I completely understand this. I just thought that maybe a buyer could do something. We had to do everything but we loved the lot and area so much. We were happy to get our 3 kids out of NYC

We have been on the market for 2 months. We have reduced the price several times as we saw how bad this season was. Last week we had a low offer. We came back with a large drop. They came up slightly. We went down more. They sent a letter stating how much they love the house and want their children to grow up there. At this point although we were still apart price wise any reasonable party could have made it work. Then they came back and dropped the price to their original offer. Our agent asked theirs if it was really worth losing the house over a fairly small amount in terms of real estate. They said they will just renew their lease on their 2 bedroom apartment. Their children are around 8 and 10. The husband has a very good job. I said to my agent then fine let them keep living in an apartment with their children. I am not criticizing apartment living but in this case it seems pointless. I have had real estate deals since the early 1980's. I have sold in down markets but I never heard of someone lowering their price after raising it. There is no problem with the inspection. We paid to have one done before listing so we could take care of any issue. I know people want to feel they got a bargain but this behavior is beyond rude. Our agent said there is another agent in the office who is having a similar situation. There simply can be no respect in certain situations. It is beyond sad that people behave this way. We were really trying to be reasonable and had come way down. Anyway there is my saga. Hope it provided some entertainment that doesn't revolve around bowels,dementia, and all else the world of aging entails. I have a mother in AL, a husband who has just had knee surgery and has a slow moving cancer that will have to be dealt with in a few months. Maybe we will catch a break but it doesn't look promising. Thanks to those who heard me out.

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Riverdale,

I’m sorry and I hope the house sells soon. Just seems odd to me too. He would rather rent? I’m not opposed to renting either at different stages in life but with young children he should be interested in building investments which he will not receive with renting.

Did the agent say if there are any other possible prospects in the works? Someone is going to come along and it will be the right price and fit for them. Transitioning times are stressful. After the sale, relax and celebrate.

I hope the next potential buyer isn’t like the last one! Hugs!

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Think Riverdale wanted to discuss something about real estate. Was letting her know that was fine to do so.

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What other topics are available to discuss? It sounds like the elderly person has minimal contact with the outside world. You mention something about an "open jam" that sounds like a generational thing, since in 2k19 it means, "Harmony Central user forum mostly concerned with bowel movements, female body parts, and non-traditional sex."

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I was reaching out to Riverdale. I would not mind hearing her thoughts on what’s on her mind. I am the OP and I am not a rigid person. I would be happy to change the thread if she needed to speak about something else. I like Riverdale.

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OldSailer wasn’t crazy about my thread. Luz had just died and he wanted to speak about nice things. I changed it for him. I am a pretty chill person regarding my threads. So please River, jump in with any topic you’d like if you want to get something off of your chest. Hugs!

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Yes I would like to talk about my real estate woes but I don't imagine this is the right site.

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River,

I am the OP. Talk about whatever you damn well please! Haha. Like an ‘open jam’ for musicians or ‘open lines’ on a radio show where the caller can call and discuss any topic. So vent away about whatever you like. I will call it, ‘open posting’ just for you!

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My husband obsesses about his meals. What I am serving, when, what’s on the menu tomorrow...what I bought at the grocery, (I’ve actually shown him the receipt). He’s bed bound and has nothing else but his 50 year old television reruns. If I don’t serve him within ten minutes after he asks for something, he will keep asking every 5 minutes. Sometimes I feel like just throwing it at him.

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Joy,

Yes, my mom thinks I am a short order cook! Everything done her way! It’s annoying. I started cooking however I choose to and if she eats it fine, if not she can eat a sandwich or scrambled eggs, whatever. I’ve sacrificed my life for her, she shouldn’t want everything her way.

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So true, I'm disgusted by the inappropriate sharing mother does, & the way she takes her clothes off without warning. I'm actually angry about it, cuz I'm reduced to being a dumpster: (for her hateful criticisms of the nurses, the food, ect). Also the defecating stories are unbelievable. I feel like crying each time I have to ask her to stop giving me the details of her diahrea. If only I had someone to accompany me to the visits, cuz she NEVER behaves that way in front of others, just me. (So she can control it, but she simply has no regard for my feelings). Now that I've said all this, I feel that she is actually being abusive to me, ...but that fits in with my childhood. Not sure what to do, I would love to have no contact with her, but won't happen, cuz I'm her only relative.

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Exactly, Tiger.

It all gets so tiring.

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Lawzy, and here I thought I was the only one...

Caveat: I'm gonna get really graphic here, so the squeamish should ignore at will.

Mom gives me detailed descriptions of how her poo felt coming out, size, consistency, and smell, even unto audibly gagging and choking and yelling about how horrible it smells (like I don't know that already): "Ick! Ock! Ook! and Puke! God, that's HORRIBLE!"

If it's not the poo, it's the pee (she leaks uncontrollably when she stands up from the wheelchair): "Here comes the deluge! It's Niagara Falls! Now it's running down my leeeeggggggg! Aughhhhhh!"

And lately, it's what she raises when she coughs: "Boy, that was something that a MAN would have hacked up and spit on the sidewalk!"

Not to mention the belches: "BrrrrrraaaaaaaAAAAAP! Can you believe it, I regurgitated what I ate yesterday?"

It's enough to make a saint swear. If I ask her to put a lid on it, she gets worse.

Rant over. Apologies to anyone I may have completely grossed out, but you were warned.

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PeeWee,

No it gets old! We get it. Why I started the thread so we get to vent on frustrating topics. Vent away! Thanks for your honesty.

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Every day my mom asks every 5 minutes when all the trees died. Me: It's turning spring, Mom, the trees will bud out soon and be green again. Mom: No, they are dead. There was some sort of a storm that killed them all. When was that storm? They've been this way for years.....

In between each dead tree conversation she asks how my day is going. Over and over and over I tell her about my day, and make up a bunch of stuff. Even with the dead trees I can entertain myself and her with imaginary stories about when and how they died so it doesn't get so repetitive that my brain explodes.

I think I will be happy when summer arrives, but then I wonder what the new topic will be.

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Oh, *brother*. Goodness I do feel for you.

You've reminded her about the Agent Orange tests, have you? 😈

My mother turned into a kind of Marvin the Paranoid Android about flowers. She especially took against daffodils. Very "loud." Never did like daffodils, apparently. Poor old daffodils, I have no idea what they'd done to offend her.

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pargirl,

mumshelper did tell a precious story, right? I enjoyed it too. Really made me giggle.

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I got my posts mixed up (gee, probably has something to do with my sanity!) I was thinking it was your husband instead it was tired sue's. Big Hugs to all.

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Some of these really crack me up 😂 Funny not funny I know. Well, no, not really. Mother is too hoytie toytie to talk about bodily functions, fluids, solids, gasses.... If my kids (adult and kidult), get into a conversation about such, Mother will cover her mouth with one hand and her chest with the other as though she is on the verge of becoming ill. Puhhleezzz.... This coming from the one who doesn't wash her hands or brush her teeth😕 and says she already did when she is reminded.
So, just recently the grandkids were over. Mother was walking across the room -- steptoot, steptoot, steptoot... The nine year old giggled quietly.
Three year old: "Grama? You have to go potty?"
Mother (offended) "NO!!"
Three year old (concerned): "You farted, Grama. You better go potty."
Mother (gasped, got in three year olds face and hollered): "NO, I DIDN'T!!! I DID NOT!!!
Three year old (looked over her shoulder at us spectators, unmoved by Mother's rant, but deviously understanding she struck a nerve): "Grama farted! Grama farted! Grama farted!"
THEN... Mother stomped her walker at Three year old!!! And they both began to bicker back and forth. YOU'RE MEAN!! NO YOU'RE MEAN!! Blah, blah, blah...

So, yeah... Mother is too ladylike to partake in such unmannerly discussions.
Burrrrpppp. (Teehee)

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Mum’s helper,

So funny! Loved your reply. This is why I started this thread. So many funny responses. Thanks for making me giggle.

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Oh my gosh can I relate! I am the daughter and only caregiver to my father. He doesn’t live with me but after his heart attack and after my mom went to alz/dementia facility ecause i couldn’t handle her anymore, I lived with dad for 6 mos to get him back on his feet. My husband traveled but when in town he would come by for dinner and to give me a break entertaining my dad with sports or tv. I would hold up in the back bedroom in a corner. Fast forward 9 yrs to now.....he was in ind living, al, and now in a group home. Even in IL, I would drive in 45 min one way to take him to drs, grocery, etc. and that’s when poop, peeing or anything else with the human body function started! 9 YEARS THATS ALL WE TALK ABOUT. I go over almost every day to check on him. I don’t even feel like a daughter anymore. Just a nurse/fixer. Aids are ok but I need to be his advocate due to falls and his late stage dementia. So yeah....I get that screaming thing. I would love to go on vacation but that’s not in the cards right now. Maybe one day I can. I love my dad. He was an excellent father who loved his girls. (My sister passed a few years ago but she wasn’t much help due to her job and health). Oh, did I mention my husband’s new pacemaker needs to be replaced. Feels awful due to needing a new lead. Procedure has been postponed several times due to different things. Hopefully next week. But here is one thing we can always laugh about....we were over at dad’s place, just walked in and he had just come out of the bathroom. I kept smelling something so I looked in and there on the floor was .....yep, poop. The aid was with another patient and couldn’t come right then. I guess it had fallen out of his pull-up diaper and he didn’t know it. Now, I’m not sure what set me off but I was hysterical with laughter and was bent over. Bless his heart but my husband went in to pick it up and flush it. He came out laughing and said it wAs just like picking up after our dog. I’ve done my share of cleaning up stuff but this time was a great laugh instead of screaming. It might be time to look into moving her somewhere if she can afford it. Sounds like she has dementia too. If her husband was in the military and saw combat she gets benefits. Anyway....don’t discount your sanity. And now with your husband.....well you will need a lot of mental strength as well. Good luck and God Bless You.

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pargirl,

Yep! Gets to be a major deal with the elderly and sometimes we have to vent. It’s why I started this thread! Vent away! Thanks for being able to relate. Most people got it, some didn’t. You did. 😊.

Hugs!!!

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I like meeting and chatting with new ppl too🤗 Its just it seems like every time I'm on the bus, I'm the only one who isn't staring into a phone

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Yes, what did people do before cell phones? Hahaha

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Could we taalk about the really nice strangers we might meet in public?
Perhaps the time that Luz spat on the floor while in line at the bank . I had ask a young lady to watch her while I got something to clean up the mess. the young lady said she would do and she did. She got the paper towels and wiped the floor, threw it into the trash and sanitized her hands. I was soooo apreciative for her help.
Or the time that her protective underwear was full of urine and overflowed onto the floor in the hardware store. I ask the employee to let me take care of Luz and I would clean up the mess. He said he would clean it for me and to take care of my wife. He mopped the floor for me. I thanked him profusely.
I had strangers come up to in public and tell me they thought that I was doing a great job of taking care of her. That felt good from a total stranger.
I never had anyone say anything negative. Luz did get a few strange looks for saying HI to strangers. I just said she had dementia and went on our way.

It all felt really good and made me proud.
what is your good story?

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Strangers can be very nice. Not what this thread was about and it was never meant to be hurtful, just facts of life. There is sadness and humor in life. Laughter is good for the soul.

There are tons of responsibilities in life that I have always lived up to. I take excellent care of my mom, the only one in my family to do so, I might add. I have no reason to feel guilty.

But I have a very nice story of strangers. After evacuating New Orleans for Hurricane Katrina my mother was getting very tired.

We stopped at a church that had a shelter set up for weary travelers. The church members welcomed us and were lovely. Mom was only using a cane at that point. She didn’t want to get a walker because she was embarrassed by having to use a walker. She kept refusing to use a walker even though I asked her a million times. I finally got her to get a walker later on.

The pastor at the church noticed how hard it was for her to move about. She has Parkinson’s. He came over to me and asked if I wanted to use a wheelchair with my mom. Mom was so tired that she agreed to use it.

When morning came I went to thank the pastor for his kindness and return the wheelchair to him and he told me to please keep the chair. It’s a very nice wheelchair and we still have it today.

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I can certainly relate to the need to vent!! My Mom was obsessed with her poop too. My sweet husband would make her breakfast every morning, to give me a break, and get the daily "organ recital". LOL Later in the day she would come storming out of her room, accusing us of telling everyone about her poop......even though we had talked to no one. One evening, she said they were talking about her poop on TV..........she was convinced that they were talking about her on Gilligan's Island! What can you do? I never found a way to redirect her but I could eventually calm her down. She also had ALL of the other issues that you are dealing with and was no better when we moved her into a memory care facility. Sadly, she passed away in November and I am now dealing with alot of the same things with my husband.........just when I thought my caregiving days were over! Please feel free to vent any time - we all need it. And to all of you who posted stories and ideas that made me laugh.......thank you for that too!

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Tired Sue,

You made me giggle. I wish you the best. Take care.

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To all the nay sayers on this thread

IF YOU DONT LAUGH, YOU CRY

So lighten up. It’s a bit of whimsy
maybe I will start a flatulent ( that’s fart for the ill bred) post. Bet there are loads of funny stuff there. Let’s face it. Who doesn’t like a fart, err sorry, flatulence joke

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This would be funny,...a real gas!

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Um...get a sense of humor or LEAVE.

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Thanks, Cherrysoda

Gotta laugh sometimes or go nuts!

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Mom wants to talk about poop... give her the response Triumph the Insult Comic Dog would give:

"Your poop... is good.... FOR ME TO POOP ON!!!!"

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Funny, disgustedtoo. Yep, it’s a huge topic for some elderly people.

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Thanks, isthisreallyreal!

Can always depend on you to have our backs! You make me smile 😊.

I appreciate it.

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Then dont log on to this site it had a purpose of helping caregivers with the aging population. I find it infornative you just dont have to read every topic only what my applied to you and your urgent issues.

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Why would you say that?

If you read the entire post you may not have been so rude to a person that could show the best of us some virtue. She has cared for her mom in her own home, at her own expense for 14 years and counting. If anyone has a right to vent it is Needhelpwithmom.

Before saying something hurtful read the question.

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I became disabled eleven years ago and can't walk but my mind, almost 86, is sharp as a razor thanks to two jobs I still do (l4 years and 50 years, both of which I love); 30 online college courses; heavily involved in all kinds of hobbies; drive and go out to eat by myself and take care of myself 99.9%. Unfortunately, and I hate it, I live in assisted living and have no one to talk to. Almost all have dementia or getting it, talk of nothing other than ills and aches and their grandchildren. It is impossible to hold an intelligent conversation about things going on in the world and all the news and current events and interesting topics. So I have retreated into my own world and make it a point to learn something new every single day on my computer. I have made many friends through my work and we correspond and that helps the loneliness. I can't stand the "chatter" of older people. I know how you feel. In your case, so you don't get destroyed with anger and frustration, you have to be very honest and very blunt when she starts talking of these subjects - you know, you understand, you feel for her but you can't fix things and you don't want to hear the same thing over and over again. You have to be blunt and direct and she will get upset but there is simply no other way to stop them. At least your rage will get out of your system. Then find things to do that make you happy - same for her. I just don't have that level of patience and tolerance any longer since I am in a place like this. I totally stay away from people who are not stimulating and motivating and interesting and I am so much happier.

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Have you checked for an independent living facility in your area? The one my mother was in 90% of the residents were sharp, self care except they had a dining room( excellent food) and house keeping weekly. Some you can transition to AL or memory care as needed. Unfortunately my mother fell and her dementia has gotten much worse so she’s on her way past even AL now but independent living for 1.5 yrs worked well.

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I'm not recommending this it just popped into my head when I read about the poop issue.
I had a friend I went to high school with who thought of himself as an avant gard (sp?). He moved into an old two story reck right after he graduated. Every room was a different form of art. He put an old poloroid camera in the bathroom and every one who went #2 was expected to take a picture of it and pin it to the bathroom wall. This was the eighties so of course we all thought it was cool.

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Sparky,

Does sound cool. I was an eclectic young person too!

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My mom died in July 2018 of Alzheimer’s and I would give anything to hear those complaints..I loved my mom so much I am a RN and I had a caregiver for the 3 12 hour shifts a week that I worked and on my 4 days off a week I took care of my mom 24/7 and I would do,it all over again,,,I fed her changed her and helped her all I could ,,I am 57 years old now and I miss Her more than you can imagine,,,,she was my best friend ,,,,I miss her I still cry for her ,,I go to her room and I miss her more ,,,be grateful you have a mom to love ..to see my mom die was so difficult for me I had a stroke ,,I’m ok and I still work my 12 hour shifts at the hospital..but I miss her ,,,I love her and I hope to God we meet in heaven someday ...she was a great lady ,..God Bless you and thank you for listening

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Very sorry for your loss. Been there. It's always hard.

After our LOs pass, we may (hey, *maybe* perhaps we should) long to experience ANYTHING from them again ... be it constant poop/pee talk, or being cursed at and blamed for all evils in the world ... EVERYTHING ... and give thanks for ALL OF IT!

BUT. While our LOs are with us ... it's normal and healthy to seek relief -- or at least, a chance to vent -- about all of the above.

HUMAN caregivers *need* relief valves. Venting is a vital one. Who among us can maintain *endless* patience 24/7 for months/years/decades?

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Its time to have a party! My mom did the same thing to me! I think she just wanted someone to hear her. I'm not saying this will work for you, but I was desperate! I invited ladies from my church that were about the same age to a brunch at my house. I got food that was affordable and made up games that my mother complained about over and over. My favorite one was to match the poop. I got pictures of all kinds of animal poop and wrote numbers on them , hung them up and then had printout lists with the animals and had them match them , I gave out prizes etc. All the ladies loved it, they laughed and had a great time, they loved my Aging pains game also. It was only supposed to be 2 hours, but most stayed for most of the day, I didn't even tell my mom about it tell the day before. I didn't want her to try to back out. She did not like the idea at all, but once they showed up and were talking and laughing , she had a great time! She also made a few friends for life!.

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llmusick,

That is fabulous! I love it!

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She needs a gal pal to talk to that have things in common at their ages. Or, a hobby. Not much you can do unless you are willing to tell her out flat that you are tired of discussing those things over and over. Stop her each time. Bring up another subject. Ask her about old friends and what they use to do together.

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Yep, I agree. She will not consider being with others. Sad. I would be so lonely if I were her. She only wants me. I get lonely not being able to be around people my age.

I love talking about her childhood with her. So interesting how different it was. She can be charming when she isn’t obsessed with poop! Haha

She always goes back to same old stuff. Just hard to listen to a million times.

She has tremors due to Parkinson’s. Can no longer do hobbies.

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I am so sick of only hearing about elderly topics! Anyone else feel this way?

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