He has heart condition but is in good health and heart disease, but is in good health right now. We are going to counseling at the church. He doesn't seem to see this as being really wrong, and he doesn't talk much at all! He doesn't seem to be able to communicate his thoughts well. His crude and violating joking just must stop! He is able to be at home alone and is totally able to function normally on his own. This behavior with my daughter, has separated us. She no longer wants to be around "us", but as long as he is nowhere, her and I can visit. That upsets me alot because, what about holidays where you can't be apart without obvious effort?
Or does he just say inappropriate things to your daughter because he's a dirty old man? If that's the case then your daughter is behaving correctly to avoid him. You'll have to make other arrangements to see her when he is not around. Don't expect him to stop the behavior because he won't.
Your daughter is right to avoid him, whether it's dementia or not. If it is dementia, then perhaps she'll be more understanding and it will stop as his condition changes. If it's NOT dementia, then perhaps he does this because he WANTS to keep her away. I don't know how long you've been married, but is any man worth risking the relationship you have with your kids?
How everyone responds is very important too. If it is a mental condition that can be modified with (mild) drugs, so be it. If not, and it truly is just "dirty old man syndrome" then family counselor is the best way to handle it. Personally I would have many problems if it were my daughter being verbally assaulted by anyone, as I am sure you do.
Keep going to counseling and see if it improves.