Recently, while looking for some paperwork I needed at my dad's house I ran across an earlier version of his will. In the early version of his will (which was written up long before his mild stroke) he was going to leave the majority of his assets to his then-girlfriend. He'd only known this gal for a couple years! He was even going to leave her his house and EVERYTHING in it. It was stated that me and my sibling wouldn't even be allowed inside to get any contents out. Thankfully it wasn't signed or notarized. AND thankfully he is no longer with that girlfriend and hasn't been with her for roughly 10 years. I have the version of his will that IS signed and notarized which leaves everything to my sibling and myself to split equally.
When I found that version of his will, I was hurt. My sibling and I (mostly me) have done LOTS for our dad since our mom passed away in 2010. For him to even think of leaving everything to a woman he'd only known for a couple years was a slap in the face. It just makes me hate him even more. He doesn't know that I know this... and it wouldn't do any good to bring it up because his memory was affected by his stroke a couple years ago.
My mom's will has a 'codicil' in it, wherein I am dunned $1500 to be paid to the estate before the estate is liquidated and disposed of.
I didn't just 'come upon' this codicil. She encouraged me to read it.
I called my son, who is an atty and he said this was NOT legal (just handwritten and not notarized or anything.) He referred to it as an posthumous 'FU'.
I was devastated. I don't KNOW what this is for--and my YB who has housed, fed and cared for mother for 26 years was 'dunned' $6000.
After I read this, I called my YB who has FPOA and he removed the offending 'documents'. YB doesn't even know.
Oh--BTW? My total 'piece of the pie' after it all settles down? Less than $10K.
Mom did this with full knowledge of what she was doing. It hurt when I read it and it hurts (to a degree) now. I won't ever know why she did it.
My choice was to give all I inherit from her, should she ever die, to the YB who turned his life inside out for her. All I ever did was annoy her.
(Yeah, I need to revisit my emotional hot button on this. I thought I was better, so to speak, but writing about this kind of reminds me of how badly I feel.)
But, I would be hurt even if he even thought it. I get the impression your relationship with Dad is not all that good.
Don't assume the worst of people. Get over it.
try to forgive…
I’m oldest of four daughters, and our parents have only communicated their wishes, in regards to funeral plans, and their wills, to the youngest daughter, their full time caregiver, who never left their home. It’s considered none of our business, and honestly I want nothing, don’t really care to know anything now. She is responsible for everything, and I’m free. Blows my mind they hold their secrets so dear, not what we are doing with our two adult kids. We’re far more open about what we want. But at this point, I’m almost 63, my husband is 66, and we’re doing exactly what my parents did, until poor health got in the way…..what we want. We owe no one. That feeling is better than worrying about what we inherit.
It’s hard not to react to hurt feelings. I get it. Our parents taught the two oldest daughters to earn our own way, take care of ourselves, and they protected the youngest two, so it’s bad enough suffering inequities from my sisters, much less an insignificant girl friend, but it’s old news. You have the will that matters. That’s just my take on things, but I been keeping my mouth shut about my opinions, thoughts, and advice, cause they’re not wanted, so that’s where I sit with memory loss disease and my parents. Choose peace and try to help when asked.
My advice to you is just forget about what you saw and live in the here and now.
My DH has a Brother. Brother is the type that would take candy from a baby. The type that would break open his own kid's piggy bank. That type. Taking money from his mother that he HAD to know she was borrowing on credit cards and home equity loans to give him. Taking money from his mother that he HAD to know it was tacky to ask because mother had just inherited from someone else.... That type of stuff.
Eventually, Mother realized that Brother had taken her for quite a bit. So, she included a clause in her will that my DH and me would get $xxxxx.xx off the top of the estate and THEN the remainder would be split 50/50 between DH and his brother. This was intended to balance things since Mother never gave DH and me a cent because we didn't "need" it. We lived within our means -eating at home while Brother dined out. We mended shirts while Brother threw usable things in the garbage.
Well, somewhere along the line, it's now a 50/50 split only. There is no $xxxxx.xx taken off the top and left to DH and me as repayment. That clause disappeared and it hurt deeply.
We don't need the money - especially now that we're older and have had long careers. But, it's been difficult over the years to watch Brother living high off the hog while we wrapped duct tape around a pipe until we could afford to get it fixed.
To answer the question, we never confronted Mother about it. We discovered this when Father died, so apparently that's when Mother must have changed it. It hurt deeply as this was such disrespect. Would have felt better had she never included that acknowledgement in the form of the lump sum we were supposed to get. Much better to have never included it than to have included it (with much fanfare) and taken it quietly away when no one was looking. We just didn't want to hear her excuses as to why she did it. Or, worse yet, a denial that there was ever a lump sum coming to us in the first place.
A hearty chuckle and the saying "there's no fool like an old fool" is your best response to it. And thank God he had time to learn from the experience. He escaped. Be relieved.
When I was a law student and young lawyer, my father wanted to change his will about once every couple of years, and I did it for him. I did try to do my best to stay on good terms, for years and years.
When he died, it turned out that he had left everything to the latest grifter – he was good at conning people, and they were good at conning him. I still had to sort out his local assets and get them transferred to the UK.
It did hurt, even though I didn’t need or want his money. It was a last slap in the face, from beyond the grave.
If people want to be nasty, they will find a way. Protect yourself by doing your best not to care. Yours, Margaret
Mother held 'THE INHERITANCE' over all of our heads for years. Good grief, she's 92 now, and heaven knows that NONE of us needs this pittance, (>$10K won't alter ANYONE'S lifestyle!!) she still refers to it from time to time. I have to bite the tongue out of my head to not ask her why she made the will the way she did. 2 siblings robbed her & daddy into the poorhouse and they stand to inherit the exact same amount as those of us who never took a dime.
When we did our original will, we were extremely careful to dispose of everything absolutely equally. This year we need to re-visit it and change some things. We have great deal more money now and at this point in time, none of our kids NEED it. We'll probably set up trusts for the g-kids for them to inherit as they turn 25, or whatever. But all 14 will inherit EQUALLY.
I know that I have to really forgive my mom, b/c the only person I 'hurt' by thinking about this is myself. Giving my small amount to my YB who gave his LIFE for mother is about the only thing I can do to make amends to him, and I honestly do NOT want her money.
There is no reason you should feel hurt.
You hate him but do a lot of things for him?
That's sad, to me.
I don't have people I don't like in my life. And I don't expect their money. They go their way and I go mine.
My kind, gentle, marvelous and wonderful parents had no money to leave me. In fact, living well into their 90s, I was able to, and proud to help THEM with a few things--a computer (my Mom loved the early computers), some housekeeping help, and etc. Time for you to stop worrying about what others can/will/want to leave you, I think.
Do you, WhisperingPine, ever make a mistake then wise up and correct your mistake? Do you want people to continue hating you even though you correct your mistake?
In you dad's case, he only intended, he didn't carry out his intention. I bet if all your ugly thoughts about your dad were on paper, in black and white, for your dad to read, would you say he would leave you in the will or cut you off?
Nobody is ENTITLED to an inheritance. It's a GIFT.
GROW UP!!! MAKE YOUR OWN MONEY. BE THANKFUL FOR WHAT HE LEFT YOU.
That was the end of my being her scapegoat. It is not about the money, it is about the fact that she has used me and that I do not matter to her, it was a real slap in the face that was just after she bought my brother a convertible because he didn't have one, he didn't ask for it or want it, he traded it in on a SUV.
It is not about being entitled it is about the fact that I do not matter to her.
It doesn't hurt him, only you.
PS: you had no right to read his private paperwork. You wouldn't be feeling hurt if you would have minded your own business. Don't be overly surprised if the attorney has the valid, signed will.
PSS: I always told my dad and mom that I hope they live long enough to enjoy every penny THEY earned. My dad did and it was a whore from a whorehouse that he spent it all on. My mom is working frantically to make sure there isn't a penny left. It is THEIR money, I have worked hard and made my own way, don't want or need a gift from my parents hard work.
My husband and I planned to spend every penny.
Kids/ one mine/ his, second marriage for us, would not dare to even ask one question about our money, never mind have some opinion about how we spend it and we would never ever tell them anything about money, wills etc.
It is not their business!
I have never seen Dad's Will, but he told me that my brother and I will equally inherit a property he owns that is adjacent to a property that is in a trust for us. There have been open discussions about selling the property after Dad dies and the proceeds being used to cover the cost of subdividing the trust property. The trust ends with Dad's death.
My brother is POA, neither Dad's nor the Trust's taxes are up to date. The property taxes are not up to date on the trust property. So both Dad as Trustee and my brother as POA are offside.
My brother is buying the adjacent property for far less than fair Market value, less than 1/2 the FMV. And he is telling me I will face huge expenses putting in a new driveway, well etc, when we subdivide, as he is not willing to allow me an easement through the current driveway, nor use the well that is on his side of the property. Talk about a FU.
I truly think they are doing it to screw me out of my portion of the trust property. Without putting in a driveway, over 700 feet through forest and a well, the subdivision cannot go through. I think my brother feels he can force me to sell my share to him at a fire sale price.
My Dad has hated me since I was a toddler. If he could have he would have had me institutionalized. His mother put her property in a trust to my brother and I to protect my interest in it from my Dad.
I am in tears writing this. It is so hard to be treated like crap by family. Dad had a position in the community and was well liked and respected. He tried to use his position many times to wreck chaos in my life. Even now in my 50's people wonder what is so wrong with me that my Dad hates me so much.