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My mom is so scared of getting in the shower. She will do anything to get out of a shower, including lie and say she just took one. (Lol). She whimpers and says she feels shaky. It makes her nervous.



She only showers once a week and that is only so she can wash her hair. Every day she gives herself a "whore's bath" (her words). In other words, she washes thoroughly in the bathroom sink with a washcloth. She washes all parts.



She is mobile. She can walk and make her own breakfast and lunch. She's got some dementia (undiagnosed but it's general - short term memory, some confabulation). She DOES get confused about which way is hot, which way is cold and which bottle is the shampoo bottle.



I sit in there on the toilet the whole time. I hand her the shampoo and remind her which way the hot and cold is. I hand her her towel. She has the sink and bars she holds onto to get in. It's a regular bath and we are renting in independent living. (I live with her - that's why we don't need assisted living which would be unaffordable.) Oh and she can't stand strangers. She's a highly nervous person and has even developed this nervous vocal tick (which upsets me.)



It takes an hour or so to get her shower-ready; the bathroom warm enuf with the heater and talk her into going in. If I could wash her hair in the sink I would but it's physically not possible. The sinks are too high. I got a shower extension and a seat and tried just having her sit in the seat. She yowled and howled for that too. Poor thing. It stresses her and stresses me. The only alternative that I can think of is taking her to the beauty parlor once a week to get it shampooed and set (I set it). But leaving the house freaks her out too. Not as much but she says she doesn't want to do that.



I dread Friday - Shower Day. So does she. Any suggestions appreciated. Btw, she's 103 but looks 89.

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103. And how old are you? And how long can you go on with this choice to live with her and do 24/7 care? I so sympathize. But I know this is your choice and you intend to continue with it.

I will give you the method we nurses used for bedbound patients, because as we all find out at once, dry shampoos don't work. Before we get started, do consider as stylish a SHORT hair trim as you can manage. Go to youtube to learn how to do that.

Now purchase from Amazon a cheap plastic bedpan. You have your mother lay back on the bed and gentle place her head with her neck at the padded curved section of the pan. Moisten the hair all around, shampoo, rinse with warm water you have waiting in a pitcher at the bedside. Best to have the bed protected with chux for any spill over, but a normal bedpan holds a lot of water.

Patients found this soothing and comfortable once you get the trick of it all, and good luck. Wish I was there to demonstrate!
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If mom's hair is short you might be able to wash it using a baby shampoo and a wash cloth.
This would eliminate the water running over her head as well (I am guessing that upsets her as well.)
There are liquid soaps that are full body, no rinse soaps so if you do not get all the soap out of her hair it should not be a problem.

Another suggestion...or 2
does the Independent Living facility have a hairdresser? Would they make a house call?
You might also want to check with the person that does her hair, they might also agree to do a house call for a wash and set.
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TakeFoxAway Aug 2023
Hi Grandma 1954 (that's when I was born btw!)
Have you ever tried using a baby shampoo and wash cloth? That sounds like it could work.
And there ARE no rinse soaps????

Any hair dresser would still not be able to wash and set her hair here at the apartment because there isn't a sink low enough.
Appreciate your answers.
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She gets major points for the "whore's bath" (my Mom used to call them the same thing.)
At least she WANTS to wash her hair!

Maybe a favorite treat after Friday's "torture" is over?
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TakeFoxAway Aug 2023
I guess that's a term they grew up with. Lol
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103!! It’s very nice of you to help your mother so much. You must be in your 70s, 80s. How do you find time + energy for YOU?

I agree with cwillie:
portable shampoo tray
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TakeFoxAway Aug 2023
I am 69 and not married. no kids. Fortunately my mom is on her computer all day and I can be on mine. My cousin momsits and I escape to my apartment in NY about once a week but it's getting harder to do that.

I will have to google "portable shampoo tray". Thanks
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https://www.amazon.com/No-Rinse-Shampoo-Oz-Bottle/dp/B000EHNE0M/ref=asc_df_B000EHNE0M/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=309760615398&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=7271031259640506722&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9007578&hvtargid=pla-569732757038&psc=1

My Mother has been bedridden for over two years. This is what we use plus the conditioner. Her hair looks amazing.
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CaringinVA Aug 2023
Thank you much for this link, Grandmaofeight! SO helpful to me right now.
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Clean Life no rinse shampoo from Amazon. Saturate hair and lather up and then towel off the suds well. I’ve been using on my Moms hair twice a week for 3 years. Works great and it’s so easy.
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A couple of suggestions: 1) I had a lot of problems washing my hair after a fall. Hard to use my dominant hand and was hard to hold and pour both a bottle of shampoo and then a bottle of rinse (a combo I'd used for as long as I can remember). A practical nurse came once and took me in the bathroom to lean over the tub while she washed my hair (a true angel!) She put dollops of shampoo and rinse in one of her hands at the same time and used this mixture to wash my hair. 2) Then there are spray shampoos (dry powder like substance in an aerosol can). They do work -- read the directions and they will get rid of a "oily/stringy" look & feel in the hair. Of course prices for everything are through the roof but they do sell them in drug stores. Good luck! When your hair feels dirty/yucky/itchy it's a bad feeling.
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Hi. My mom has dementia, hates showers, absolutely no water to splash in/on face, and still does not like bathing very much. She too used to whimper and act like it was torture to be showered. BUT, here is my solution to hair washing and bathing.

First, get an inflatable hair basin (Amazon). Put it on bed, have mom lie down with head in basin. Have ear plugs for ears (I used what swimmers use). Next, have bucket of water for washing and rinsing. Also, have a mop bucket to collect the water when basin drains, and a towel ready to get her up. Mom LOVES this! No stress at all! I also set and style hair, but she's wearing a curly perm at the moment.

Next, bath duty. We have a walk-in bathtub. Sometimes it's still challenging, but we do get her clean. I also have to get the bathroom very warm and keep towels ready to cover her up when she says she's cold. Have her sit on towel while running warm water. Let her wash legs, private area, and you do top half of body. All this quickly. We're done when the water gets up to her bottom (that's all the water she'll let me put in). Start drying her upper body off when you start to drain the tub. Lotion arms and legs, and if she can help that's much better. Have fresh clothes ready to start dressing her as soon as she's dried off.

Finally, a clean momma and happy daughter! We do this weekly, and when needed 2x per week.

Hope this helps!

PS. There are portable, inflatable bathtubs that will fit in a large shower. Maybe have a bath chair with front legs or more in the tub that you can fill up to help her bathe, then just drain into the shower drain.
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Amazon has no rinse shampoo caps that my 90 yr old mother loves me to use on her after she couldn’t get into the shower safely anymore. Look up, “No Water Rinse Free Shampoo Cap by Nurture” you can order a pack of 6 for $21.21 or a pack of 24 (like we do) for $65.45 on the Subscribe & Save program. Mom enjoys her warm cap every 10 days or so bcuz her hair dries out if done too often & doesn’t get greasy or dirty during that time. I tried the cap out first to be safe for her & love the way they are so easy & quick to use; don’t smell & make my hair feel very clean & soft.
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Use the waterless shampoo and conditioner caps. They work great and you can order them on Amazon or Walmart.com.
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TakeFoxAway Aug 2023
Thanks! I will google that on Amazon and Walmart. Never heard of conditioner caps.
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