Follow
Share

My hubby is 74. I am 60. He has been bedbound for almost 2 years with Parkinson's and has cognitive issues. I could get him into a wheelchair with an invacare lift, but he refuses. It has become too uncomfortable for him. I am his caregiver and fiduciary, & manage all of our expenses and needs. I care for him at home. We've always discussed my outliving him since I am much younger & in good health. I feel I need to have a game plan for the unlikely event I die before him. We have no children. Extended family is extremely unlikely to take him in and care for him. So I have no idea what to plan or how to plan for the event of his outliving me. Who would appoint a guardian for him and a fiduciary for his funds? Would he be a ward of the state? He receives Veterans benefits. Do I call an elder care attorney? An estate planner? A Veterans Administration social worker to look into VA long term care beds? Can anyone guide me? Has any caregiver planned for the same event? All advice helpful.

Start with VA - that might solve all the problems if they have facility care in your area. Then I'd be talking to an elder attorney to advise you on how to set up funding for his ongoing care and explain process of guardianship.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to my2cents
Report

I have no answer for you, but I am in a similar situation and waiting for replies given to you. Our ages are :he almost 89, me 82, but I am having some surprising sudden health issues that were never imagined. I am well right now, but how long?
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Spatzi
Report

There are "Special Needs Trusts" for just this possibility I had one set up when I was caring for my Husband.
See an Elder Care attorney for the best advice in how to set it up
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to Grandma1954
Report

Yes, you make an appointment with an elder care / trust attorney.
S/he will let be able to discuss care, fiduciary, and management care should you transition before your husband. As well, an estate planner. In essence, an attorney specializing in these areas will know how to handle all of these needs and prepare for the future. All these areas need to be legally covered now while you are actively managing everything, if they aren't already.

I recommend / encourage you to:
1) acquire caregivers on a regular, weekly basis;
2) Make arrangements for you to have extended respites (1-2 weeks) every few months or as you want;
* You cannot run on empty.
* You need to take care of yourself.
* While being grateful to be on good health, you need to do what will benefit you now and over the long run - stress reduction, meditation, exercise, 'FUN.'
* I hope you have good friends / social outlets. If not, start to find outlets for yourself to shift from being 'on' caregiver 24/7.

- What you are doing is hard and you are very young and DESERVE (and need) a full life, in addition to the responsibilities you take on (no matter how much you 'want to' ... you need time to renew and enjoy your own life). I would tend to believe your husband would want you to enjoy your life as much as possible now and in the future.

My heart goes out to you and it is heartfelt knowing how you care for your husband. I hope you care for yourself as you care for him.

Gena / Touch Matters
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to TouchMatters
Report
JanPeck123 Nov 5, 2024
Hello TouchMatters. Yes, I do have daily assistance with my husband from aids. It has helped very much. Thank you for your kind words.
(0)
Report
JanPeck123: Retain an elder law attorney.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Llamalover47
Report

I have a similar situation. We have no children and most of my family are overseas. I am my husband's sole caregiver at this time although as his dementia worsens there may soon be a need for MC.

He is a Vietnam War veteran but we are considered too affluent for VA assistance. To ensure his continued care in the case of my death, I have arranged for a corporate trustee to carry out the many duties involving selling our assets, managing money on his behalf going forward, etc. A backup trustee will take care of more personal, and non-financial matters.

This was recommended by our estate lawyer who put together our trust. He does not act as a corporate trustee although many law firms do perform this service.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to glasgowgirl48
Report
KPWCSC Nov 7, 2024
We are also too "affluent" for the VA Aid and Attendance benefit in that we are just above the limits, however I am getting home care assistance through another program. Should he need to be in a facility, that may qualify him for Aid and Assistance as it counts to bring down your income/assets.

If he is not already receiving health care through the VA, he needs to get signed up. He only has to have an annual checkup to be eligible to receive a lot of other benefits. We have good insurance and use private providers for the major part of my husband's care. Also there is now a Caregiver Support program that can help you understand just what benefits you might receive on his behalf. The best resource I have found is other caregivers. Many times someone would tell me what they were getting... briefs, ensure, wipes, etc. and I would ask his VA provider and they would say yes they could get that for us.

Depending on how your trust is set up, that may even help you qualify for Aid and Attendance if it has been three years. Keep asking questions.

https://www.va.gov/GERIATRICS/pages/Homemaker_and_Home_Health_Aide_Care.asp

https://www.caregiver.va.gov/
(1)
Report
It depends on your state but fortunately when my wife died my life continued with no issues because everything was community property.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Sample
Report

In addition to an estate attorney I would contact your local Area Agency on Aging. They might be able to suggest no-cost or low cost resources to help. Attorney can help assure legal and medical documents are complete and valid.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Bobby40
Report

Of course attorney but perhaps talk to social worker first.
Similar story here, similar ages. My husband has Parkinson’s as well. All arrangements made as there is family etc.
He does not have dementia so can decide for himself although reaching advanced Parkinson’s that could change.
I am more concerned with more likely event if I need hospitalization or I am in car crash. He would need immediate help. One arrangement is if I am hospitalized they would take him as well and do social admit or take him to facility. Another scenario if I am not hospitalized but need time alone or am sick he is pre approved for 28 days of respite stay which could be extended with additional pay.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to Evamar
Report
JanPeck123 Oct 30, 2024
Thanks for your suggestions. Who pre-approved you for the Respite? Was that the Veterans Administration?
(0)
Report
See 2 more replies
I would consult with a Trust and Estate Attorney.
I would speak with family. No, they would be VERY unlikely to take on hands-on care, but they may be willing to act as your hubby's trustee, managing a Trust after the initial Trustee (you, yourself) dies. That would mean they would place him, or would hire an attorney as Fiduciary to manage his care while there are funds.
An attorney can give you the best options.
Good luck.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to AlvaDeer
Report
JanPeck123 Oct 30, 2024
Thank you. Called an estate attorney and am doing a paid consult in 2 weeks.
(2)
Report
You will get sound guidance and planning from an elder care lawyer. Hubby can be assured a plan is in place for him
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to Daughterof1930
Report

Yes, consult with an elder care attorney.

He can create a pre-need guardianship document. This names a person as desired guardian in order to avoid a court-appointed one. But he needs to find a person who is willing, able, local, etc.

Otherwise he most likely will end up the ward of a court-appointed guardian. If he is cognitively too impaired to create legal documents, then this will be the probable result.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Geaton777
Report

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter