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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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Your profile says your mom is 95 and has dementia. You need to have adjusted expectations about her cognition, memory, abilities. You wouldn't like it if someone had an unrealistic expectation of you, right? You may be teetering into burnout, which is unfortunately a very common result of being the solo caregiver to someone with a lot of dependency and needs. If your mom has any financial resources to enable you to hire more help, please don't hesitate to do it. If she doesn't and you don't wish to transition her to a facility, then you can call social services for your county and ask for an in-home assessment and see if she may qualify for "some" in-home services...but understand that it still may not be enough to keep you from burnout. The caregiving arrangement on works if it is working for both you and her. It may not be working for you, and indeed will only get more intense and demanding. Please make taking care of your own self a priority.
I got one of those bathmats that are non-slip and sewed rings to it and put hangers on the shower wall. DH takes the rug and places it on the floor. We have really slippery tile and both of us have had near misses with slipping.
I guess the upside is that you probably 'get' to clean the bathroom floor everyday.
You could always jump the gun and put a towel down yourself at night, so it would be ready in the am. Sometimes, problems just need to be pre-solved.
It's probably just not in mom's wheelhouse of thoughts.
First, I had a hard time dealing with Moms Dementia. I understood it, but hard when you have to deal with it. Patience is not my virtue.
Your Mom now has short-term memory loss. As such, she cannot remember what you have said from one day to the next, from one minute to the next. She also has probably lost the ability to be reasoned with and the ability to process what is being said to her. Her mind is dying little by little. I found my Mom went backwards in time and acted like a small child.
So like a small child if you want anything done right, you have to be there. So before she showers/bathes, you go in and put the towel down.
You can tell her something 100 times and it will not matter. If you want it done "right" you really have to do it yourself. Or at least not expect a 95 year old with dementia to do as you've asked them to do. Sorry.
She never does because she’s lost the ability to remember. I hope you’ll find a way to solve this for you both, it’s no ones fault and the anger isn’t helping. Maybe a more absorbent bath mat, maybe do the towel for her, maybe get a helper to do this with her?
If you're losing your temper over such a small thing, I can only imagine that you're losing your temper over many things. That is definitely a sign of burnout, and I'm worried more about you than I am your mom. You say in your profile that she has some form of dementia, so of course she's not remembering to "put a towel down." At her age she shouldn't be getting in the shower by herself anyway, so it's either time to hire someone to assist her in the shower, or perhaps if it's getting to be too much for you, time to be looking at placing her in the appropriate facility. You are now at the point where you must not only do what's best for your mom and her safety, but what is also best for you and your mental health. You can be no good to your mom if you're not taking good care of yourself first. I wish you well.
Hi, This may be helpful: http://www.dementiacarestrategies.com/12_pt_Understanding_the_Dementia_Experience.pdf Teepa Snow has a video on youtube about ‘How dementia affects language skills’ which is excellent too. I had not realised that difficulty hearing/interpreting could be related to dementia. I can still get frustrated, but it made me realise that she couldn’t help it so I could be more patient and anticipate what she might find a challenge. If your Mom used to put down a bathmat but can’t remember to now, then it’s unlikely she’s doing it on purpose. Take care,
This is a very hard road to travel if you aren't a Saint. And I have found on this forum, that there aren't many if at all. Caregiving 24/7 is hard. Its like having a baby again but we are way older now. And the baby is lots bigger. Set in our ways and liking it that way. Dementia is so unpredictable. There is no ryhmn or reason to it. And if your a person who does well with order, its really hard dealing with it.
We took Mom out to dinner with us a lot. Sort of our "get out of the house" and social time. Usually found someone to talk to. This one time Mom got hot tea, nothing new. A mug with the teabag were given to her and a little pot with hot water. Mom picked up the little pot and proceeded to turn it upside down. It was like watching something in slow motion but was done in a matter of seconds. Hot water everywhere. TG we hadn't been served yet. That was the last time she was aloud the little pot.
I eventually placed my Mom. She did lots better in an AL.
So here's the thing. If your mother has dementia you cannot expect to dialogue with her and make her understand as if she was a healthy minded adult. What I mean by that is, it's like you're speaking to a toddler. Even then, a child has a higher probability to understand you and follow as requested. My mom is not the best care taker (she has no patience with anyone), she gets irritated with my grandma so fast (for little things). It infuriates me because it just makes the situation worse, when she loses her temper.
Just place the towel yourself.
It will get worse, let me warn you. So best be that both (assuming your mother still makes decisions) of you start planning for the future. I wish you both the best.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Does she have dementia or other cognitive decline? Oh, I just checked your profike and see that she does.
She is 95; she probably shouldn't be showering unaccompanied. Have you considered hiring a bath aide to assist mom with her shower once a week?
I got one of those bathmats that are non-slip and sewed rings to it and put hangers on the shower wall. DH takes the rug and places it on the floor. We have really slippery tile and both of us have had near misses with slipping.
I guess the upside is that you probably 'get' to clean the bathroom floor everyday.
You could always jump the gun and put a towel down yourself at night, so it would be ready in the am. Sometimes, problems just need to be pre-solved.
It's probably just not in mom's wheelhouse of thoughts.
Your Mom now has short-term memory loss. As such, she cannot remember what you have said from one day to the next, from one minute to the next. She also has probably lost the ability to be reasoned with and the ability to process what is being said to her. Her mind is dying little by little. I found my Mom went backwards in time and acted like a small child.
So like a small child if you want anything done right, you have to be there. So before she showers/bathes, you go in and put the towel down.
You can tell her something 100 times and it will not matter. If you want it done "right" you really have to do it yourself. Or at least not expect a 95 year old with dementia to do as you've asked them to do. Sorry.
You say in your profile that she has some form of dementia, so of course she's not remembering to "put a towel down." At her age she shouldn't be getting in the shower by herself anyway, so it's either time to hire someone to assist her in the shower, or perhaps if it's getting to be too much for you, time to be looking at placing her in the appropriate facility.
You are now at the point where you must not only do what's best for your mom and her safety, but what is also best for you and your mental health. You can be no good to your mom if you're not taking good care of yourself first. I wish you well.
This may be helpful:
http://www.dementiacarestrategies.com/12_pt_Understanding_the_Dementia_Experience.pdf
Teepa Snow has a video on youtube about ‘How dementia affects language skills’ which is excellent too. I had not realised that difficulty hearing/interpreting could be related to dementia.
I can still get frustrated, but it made me realise that she couldn’t help it so I could be more patient and anticipate what she might find a challenge. If your Mom used to put down a bathmat but can’t remember to now, then it’s unlikely she’s doing it on purpose. Take care,
This is a very hard road to travel if you aren't a Saint. And I have found on this forum, that there aren't many if at all. Caregiving 24/7 is hard. Its like having a baby again but we are way older now. And the baby is lots bigger. Set in our ways and liking it that way. Dementia is so unpredictable. There is no ryhmn or reason to it. And if your a person who does well with order, its really hard dealing with it.
We took Mom out to dinner with us a lot. Sort of our "get out of the house" and social time. Usually found someone to talk to. This one time Mom got hot tea, nothing new. A mug with the teabag were given to her and a little pot with hot water. Mom picked up the little pot and proceeded to turn it upside down. It was like watching something in slow motion but was done in a matter of seconds. Hot water everywhere. TG we hadn't been served yet. That was the last time she was aloud the little pot.
I eventually placed my Mom. She did lots better in an AL.
Just place the towel yourself.
It will get worse, let me warn you. So best be that both (assuming your mother still makes decisions) of you start planning for the future. I wish you both the best.