First time posting but would appreciate any suggestions on how to handle situations when my 95 yo Mom with mid stage dementia will not go to doctors appointments because she can’t take her baby. I gave her the doll a couple of weeks ago due to high anxiety wanting to go out her building to look for her baby and kids she keeps. Becomes very combative when not allowed to open door to exit apartment. Doll has eased some anxiety but she has become attached and gets stubborn when it's time to leave for any appointments. Will I worsen the situation if I hide the doll, tell her the baby’s mom has taken her back home and the baby is no longer in the house? Please advise!
There was the sweetest lady at my mom's MC who always had her doll with her. We had many conversations about about the worries "these children" bring to us mamas. She died of Covid last July -- I miss her and her babies terribly.
take things one day at a time, thats all any of us has....relax and enjoy the time spent with her.....love and hugs for you. 😊💓
PS....When im old and have the need for a “baby”, trust me, it will be an animal....lol...my room would probably look like noah’s ark....hope i made you smile at that mental pic..
Just let her take the baby doll. Who even CARES? My mom would take her 4' stuffed orange rabbit if she could.
When my Mom was placed in an AL the RN was married to a former guy I dated from work back in myc20s. I told the RN I had worked with him. He told her we dated. The RN said to my Mom, "Do you know ur daughter dated my husband" Mom suffered from Dementia and said "she got around". That was far from the truth. Another time we took her to the diner for dinner. She was given one of those metal things with hot water in it for her tea. She looked like she was going to pour the hot water into the mug with the teabag and within a blink of an eye she turned the pot upside down, hot water all over.
Her doctor knows that she has cognitive decline so no one is going to judge her. No one else’s opinion really matters.
Make it easy for your mom and you by allowing her to have her baby with her.
Your best bet would be to educate yourself about dementia by reading everything you possibly can on the subject. Watch Teepa Snow videos on YouTube as well; she has some remarkable ideas about how to handle people with dementia in the most comforting manner using the "Hand under hand" technique with dressing, bathing and assisting in general. The more you learn, the less agitated & combative your mother will be.
Wishing you the best of luck learning & coping with all the new changes you both face. My mother is 94 with dementia as well, and it's tough for me to watch her going down this path. It's hard to watch someone you love change & morph to THIS degree, before your very eyes, isn't it? You kind of want to shake her and say COME ON NOW MOM, snap OUT OF it, but you can't. It's the hardest thing I've yet to witness in my 63 years on earth. Sending you a hug of understanding, my friend.
Dementia patients using dolls or stuffed animals to help with anxiety is common now. Let Mom take her doll. It will help her get thru the appt. Someone suffering from a Dementia does well in familiar surroundings taking them out of that, like a Drs office, will be overwhelming and bring on the anxiety. I am for whatever works.
Problem solved. The doctor and his staff will totally understand why she has it.
Don't take it away from her if it makes her happy. And yes, your situation will definitely get worse if you hide her doll. If she's so out of it with dementia that she carries around a doll and believes it's her baby, then she certainly will not understand if you tell her the mother of the "baby" came and took her.
If she's getting combative about not being allowed to leave the apartment on her own to look for her kids, then it might be a good idea to talk with the doctor about getting her some anti-anxiety meds or sedation. Don't take her doll away though. That's harsh and unnecessary cruelty.
If it bothers you when she takes it to the doctor, pull a bit of a ruse on her. Get a family member or friend that your mom still recognizes and have them come to her place when she has an appointment. Tell her they are going to "baby-sit" while she goes to the doctor. It's a win-win. The doll gets left at home which is what you want. Mom doesn't completely freak out because she still believes she has a baby, and that she's leaving her "baby" with a person she trusts to watch it when she goes to the doctor.
Or someone can spend ten bucks at the Goodwill and buy a portable, small second-hand stroller and keep it in the corner of the room. Put the "baby" in the stroller when it's time to get the care done for the dementia patient.
Truly, I hope you or someone else had a WORD with that aide and her superior. I certainly would if I saw such a thing.
Please, for your mother’s sake and for yours, give up worrying about “how it looks” to offer someone with dementia/anxiety SOMETHING that gives her peace and comfort.
How fortunate you are that she has this. If you are REALLY FORTUNATE, she’ll be able to FIND comfort in this way for a while before it’s present purpose fails her.
”Handle situations” if you feel you must, by saying “Mom, let me hold her while you have your blood pressure taken”.
And PLEASE don’t try to mess around with depriving her of this. It COULD increase her distress. Why even consider doing that?
Nobody thought twice because for a brief time they were a status symbol. They were very expensive and hard to get, so if someone had one they showed it off in public like it was a real baby.
You know, no one would think twice about some elderly person carrying around a doll.
I’m guessing that your mom has false beliefs fixated that she runs a child care place or has young kids or that you just had a baby. It will eventually pass or get to the point they forget about it for days. Their dementia places them in an alternative solar system..... my take is as
long as it’s not placing them into something unsafe, let it roll.
My mom thought there were & worried about “orphan gypsy children living in top floor of her NH”...... why? well that NH was nearby a college so from her window she could see kids with tats & earrings (gypsies!) & they would disappear around the corner where the NH entrance was; they never went to the cafeteria & she worried if they were getting meals. They had to be orphans as they never were with parents. I’m so glad I kept a journal as looking back now that she’s dead, it’s quite a good & funny read.