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My name is Dinker. My wife and I, since May 2022, became retried caregivers of our 44-yr-old son who was diagnosed with Werneck's Encephalopathy Korsakoff Syndrome, he lost his short-term memories. Due with all stress it's started to impact my health. My heart murmur has increased the level of heart valve functions. We don't know who improves stress, is there any advice you can give me? Thank you.

Please don’t sacrifice your health and that of your wife to this situation. Your son needs to live where he has professional care and you need to live in peace to guard your future. You cannot be an advocate for him while stressed out and sick. Please remove him from your home to a more appropriate setting. It may not be what your son wants, but that’s not what matters here, it’s what is required unless you’re willing for you and your wife to be sick and miserable every minute
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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You need to have outside trained help to assist in the care for your son.
A supervised group home could be a workable option for this situation.

Would your son be able to live in a group home with people his own age who need care? You and your wife would still be his guardians and a big part of his life. Only you wouldn't have the stress of being his 24/7 caregivers.

Something like 50% of caregivers die before the people they're caregivers to. Your son needs his mother and father alive and healthy. I think the supervised group home option may be a good fit for him. Talk to his doctors and ask if they put you in touch with some social services who can help find the right place for your son.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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You have posted 2 other similar topics. This is your last one

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/wernicke-korsakoff-syndrome-489655.htm

You need to place your son in care. Thats the only way you can releave the tress.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Sadly, Dinker, the only suggestion I have for you is that your own health precludes your giving this one on one care now, and your son has to enter placement so that you can monitor your own health and be there to visit him so long as you are able.
I am so very sorry.
This falls under being something that cannot be fixed. As an RN I must tell you that you cannot continue in this care now. It is very sad. You should allow all the family to mourn it. But there is no choice.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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You know Dinker, you wouldn't be human if you were not horribly stressed by the situation you find your self in, caring for and standing witness to your poor son, his needs, his condition, and the repercussions to you yourself.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but if you can find a Licensed Social Worker in private counseling service who specializes in life transitions work, a few counseling sessions might help you.

I can only give a few hints:
1. Speak to your respective doctors about the stress and why you have it; ask for help or pointers toward any help they can come up with.
2. Understand that stress is NORMAL here, and if you didn't have it you wouldn't be human. In that regard there's just nothing to fix.
3. Remember you are in no way responsible for all the has befallen your boy, and that you cannot fix it. You can't make him happy or whole and to stand witness to our children's pain is almost intolerable.
4. Understanding that there is really no way to fix this condition or its stress start to discuss your limitations. Elders cannot indefinitely take care of their children. That isn't possible. Hard decisions will have to be made, and they aren't your fault.
5. Be certain to have plans for joy in your own lives, and by that I mean something as simple as Popcorn and watching a season of Alone on Netflix, or sitting over a few hands of cards, or putting together a puzzle, or listening to music. Something that can ease your minds from constant thoughts of all this.

I wish I had more. Dear Dr. Laura has an expression I often use. Not everything can be fixed. And in life that is true. Some things are indured. Got through the best we can. My heart goes out to you.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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