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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
He thinks he showers every day, When I tell him the shower isn't wet nor the towels, he says I'm wrong. He has gone more than a week without showering.
I know this can be very tiresome and good hygiene is important. Ask your DH’s doctor to send home health to evaluate him for Medicare paid home health care for the homebound. They will send a nurse to do an evaluation. If he qualifies, part of their service is a bath aide. They will come two or three times a week. They will need to provide a nursing service for him in order to come. This could be filling his pill planner, checking his vitals, doing a routine nurse visit.
At 81 I am assuming you are still in pretty good shape. You might try setting some stronger boundaries with him. As in no bath, no sleeping with me. No bath, no cooking favorite meals. Negotiate. There has to be something he wants that you do for him.
You don’t mention it, but if he has memory loss, he may truly think he has had a bath. Or he may be afraid he will fall, etc. Be sure to tell the doctor that so he sees a need. This could be important to both of your safety. A bath bench can be helpful. A warm bathroom is nice. You can start a bedtime ritual where you both go to the bathroom and you start the shower for him and tell him you will wash his back. He has a spot you want to make sure isn’t a bad mole (melanoma). Maybe it just needs scrubbing you might suggest. Unless he is incontinent, a couple of baths a week is probably okay. Don’t let it go too long. Let us know if you have any luck. We learn from one another.
Your loved one suffers from Alzheimer's/dementia according to your profile, meaning he's not being uncooperative on purpose. Of course you're not being too picky to expect a shower about once a week, which is reasonable. Hire someone to shower him 1x a week or else place him in Memory Care Assisted Living, his choice. But first figure out what he's afraid of in the shower. For my mother it was the slippery shower floor so I bought her water shoes on Amazon which solved the problem. For some it's the shower head water spray they hate, which a hand held unit helps with. Others get cold and need the room warmed up. Teepa Snow has good videos on YouTube about techniques to use to coax dementia patients into bathing. Check them out.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet online about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it. Showers are discussed in the booklet as well as lots of Do's and Dont' s for dealing with dementia sufferers.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Welcome to the forum.
I know this can be very tiresome and good hygiene is important.
Ask your DH’s doctor to send home health to evaluate him for Medicare paid home health care for the homebound. They will send a nurse to do an evaluation. If he qualifies, part of their service is a bath aide. They will come two or three times a week. They will need to provide a nursing service for him in order to come. This could be filling his pill planner, checking his vitals, doing a routine nurse visit.
At 81 I am assuming you are still in pretty good shape. You might try setting some stronger boundaries with him. As in no bath, no sleeping with me. No bath, no cooking favorite meals. Negotiate. There has to be something he wants that you do for him.
You don’t mention it, but if he has memory loss, he may truly think he has had a bath. Or he may be afraid he will fall, etc. Be sure to tell the doctor that so he sees a need. This could be important to both of your safety.
A bath bench can be helpful. A warm bathroom is nice. You can start a bedtime ritual where you both go to the bathroom and you start the shower for him and tell him you will wash his back. He has a spot you want to make sure isn’t a bad mole (melanoma). Maybe it just needs scrubbing you might suggest. Unless he is incontinent, a couple of baths a week is probably okay.
Don’t let it go too long.
Let us know if you have any luck. We learn from one another.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet online about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it. Showers are discussed in the booklet as well as lots of Do's and Dont' s for dealing with dementia sufferers.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
The full copy of her book is available here:
https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2
Best of luck to you.