My mom Karen is extremely strong willed, and she has dementia (short term) of some kind. She lives in an apartment by herself in a Senior Care Facility and is already receiving 3 meals per day and daily well checks, with her medication administered. All this is expensive. She wont change her clothes in the Winter (wears the same pants & shirt for up to 3 weeks). Early on, we tried putting tags for "DAYs of the Week" on her hangars. She has limited clothing to make it easier. She threw those out! She is also combative towards nurses when she had her husband living there. He is in hospice now.
Summer is here and now she wears the same tennis outfit from last year everyday. She is very stubborn and denies anything is wrong by saying, "I washed my clothes today and I take care of it, I know what I'm doing! Im not an imbecile!" Should we now add more "hygiene care"? She might take a swing at them too! Memory care is on the horizon, but she is very "freedom oriented" and wants her own way! My brother & I just try to keep things from changing too much until her 97 yr old husband passes away.
Time to move her to memory care where they will bathe her, and change her clothes daily.
Your moms brain is permanently broken, and she doesn't know what she is doing, so you now have to step up and make sure that she's receiving the care she requires. Getting 3 meals a day, plus daily well checks along with medication being administered is no longer cutting it.
Your mom needs much more care than that now.
Memory care is no longer "on the horizon," it is literally at your/her front door, so you best let it in ASAP.
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/bathing-hygiene-top-tips-persuading-a-senior-to-put-on-clean-clothes-431725.htm
If your Mom gets agitated enough to take swings at the staff, and if she's already on meds then it should be reviewed by her primary care physician. It's not uncommon for meds to need to be adjusted as one's dementia progresses.
If she's not currenty on meds to help regulate her mood and anxiety, then this should be considered. If she gets physical with the staff, she risks being kicked out of the facility. Some facilities have more tolerance for aggression than others. You can always consult with the admins to see if they have recommendations.
Does the facility have quarterly care conferences? My MIL is in a facility where we have a family meeting with the staff to review how things are going every 3 months. The nurses and dietician check in, as well as the director of activities, etc. This can be achieved with a phone call. My MIL participates in the meetings.
Another option, if finances allow, is to hire an aid to go there every few days to remove her dirty clothes for laundering so she can't put them back on (or is she sleeping in them?). Maybe the facility staff can do this for an "a la carte" fee?
Sometimes family has to "get creative" when problem solving issues for our LOs in facility care. Since you and your brother know your Mom best, you probably know what might motivate her to change her clothes -- like telling her a "therapeutic fib" such as: "you're going to have a special visitor later on so maybe let's see what else is in your closet" etc.
If your Mom likes her freedom and is physically active she may wander off. This is what often triggers a move to MC, for their own safety.
It’s not about Mom getting her way.
It’s about what she needs .
It’s not fair to staff or other residents for your mother to reside where her needs are more than they can take care of, and the potential disruptions she may cause .
I think that the personal hygiene call is a necessity.