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As a childless elderly couple with no friends or relatives that are physically and mentally able to help us, we are left to our own devices to realize we need help and to seek it. Can you give those of us who don't have all the brains and bodies we used to have when we were only in our 60s the easy to follow steps to find help. We need lots more than doctors. We need housekeepers, handymen types, help with the laundry, help with organizing transportation to doctor appointments, pharmacy, vision, dental, hearing, groceries, bill paying, finding our way on our computers, expecially when those computers don't work and you can't remember how to hook up to the printer or such, telephones, remote control thingy, and stuff. We want to live in our home, but maybe we might need assisted living? And everything, all the above and more, is so overwhelming. Especially living out in the country without neighbors near and nobody delivers anything, you can't even get a taxi. Almost everyone within 5 miles of us is even older than we are. Many of us can't remember information that is only given to us verbally and no one puts anything in writing anymore. What kind of advice can you give those of us that are left out of the conversation?

Welcome. I would start the conversation with the Doctor you trust the most. Ask for a Social Worker service to help you.

Alternatively, if you have a faith, start there. With your faith leader.

I trust others will have some advice also.

You have taken the first step 🤗
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Anxietynacy May 28, 2024
Office of the aging and meals on wheels.
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Go to the top of this page where it says FIND CARE and click on it. Then fill out the info form about what type of care you're looking for. Someone from A Place For Mom will contact you about the help that's available, in home or in managed care.

Good luck!
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Reply to lealonnie1
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It does seem as if you need assisted living. That would take care of most of your needs.

What you want and what you need are two different things. If you sell your home, you'll be able to afford assisted living. Sell your car, and the AL provides rides to appointments, recreation, etc.

Amazon and Walmart deliver, usually the next day. You need to be able to use a computer for that. Sadly, you think you can't, but perhaps you can. Have you tried? Also, people do put things in writing these days, at least on this planet. Request them to do so.

A geriatrics manager could help to make a plan and find you some resources. But first you'll need to accept what you've already learned - that your present way of life is unsustainable and you'll need to wrap your head around making necessary changes.
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PeggySue2020 May 29, 2024
You don’t need a computer, just a smartphone or iPad to do your ordering.
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Calling Council on Aging in your area is a good place to start. I commend you for reaching out for help.

Wishing you all the best.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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Time to start thinking about selling the house out in the country and moving closer to services and transportation you both currently need and wil need in the near future.
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I agree that moving into an apartment in senior housing is a better step than AL. Where I live there are long wait lists for senior housing that is for lower income folks, but if you're able to pay full rent there are a lot more options. If there is plenty of money, continuing care communities are another idea--start in independent living (apartment or cottage), with option of moving to higher levels of care if needed. This type of independent living generally provides weekly housekeeping, laundering of linens, transportation, often the option for one or more meals per day in their dining room, activities, work-out equipment, etc. There are staff available to help, and you can pay for extra help while in the IL section, even if you don't yet need AL. Some of these communities require an expensive "buy in" when you move in, which is largely refundable if you move out or refundable to your estate if you pass away. Others are pay as you go, with all services and meals included in the monthly rent. If OP says where they live, at least the state, one of the respondents here can look for continuing care communities nearby.
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Reply to newbiewife
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Ask Your Primary caregiver to Give you a social worker or therapist - they can help you with elder services . the VA Has all Kinds of Help available . There is meals on Wheels . I Know with elder services for My Mom They gave her a Housecleaner , grocery shopper and a person to bathe her ( CNA ) On Cape Cod there were ride services and Buses for the elderly to get to Boston if they Needed to leave Cape cod . Do You have a Senior center You Can call ? Do You have a extra Room ? There is a site called Nesterly .com They You can do a work exchange for a room . Also Next-door.com where you can ask for Help . I Have used Task Rabbit - You give them your debit or Credit card and Look up what you need done . Youtube Has Videos That Can help you . You Might want to look Into down sizing into a senior apartment complex . I Myself would prefer to stay in my Home as I Like My privacy .
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Reply to KNance72
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Find where they have food Banks - usually at Churches .
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I agree, you need to move closer to where the services are.

If your husband has service related problems, you may want to talk to your County VA. The rep will come to you. Your husband may becable to get Aid and Attendance for both of you. This would help you hire people you need.
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