My 91 year old mother has shown a steep decline recently. We had her memory doc run tests and they are observing her but can't give us any reasons (like a UTI). She is throwing away mail that she shouldn't - ie 1099's. She gets charity donations and throws away everything but the envelope. We have asked her to save all her mail and have us go through it with her. That worked for about a week. We have taken her off of many accounts but she still has a small checking account to give her some independence. Can I get her important papers sent to me instead (ie tax documents etc) and is there a way to control her mail and still have her feel some independence? I visit her about once a month (live several hours away) and have 3 sisters that also live about the same distance. I do all her financial paperwork (make sure taxes and bills are done and paid etc). All her bills are on autopay - but I need certain forms for taxes, etc. We have POA forms filled out and signed - is it time to pull the trigger? She has some dementia but not Alzheimer's.
Others have addressed the mail, I will address 'pulling the trigger'. It's important for you and your sisters to pay close attention to small changes in your mother's behavior, speech patterns, emotional state, etc. Changes in handwriting is a hallmark of dementia (and Parkinson's Disease) issues; with Parkinson's, the handwriting gets SO small, it's barely visible. With dementia, it's messy, and nothing like it once was in their younger years. My mother's handwriting is barely legible these days; she was diagnosed with dementia in 2016 but the signs and symptoms were there as early as 2014. She became incontinent in 2015 (urine) and started wearing Depends at that time. Some changes are subtle while some are profound. They eventually lose their sense of smell meaning they won't smell a gas leak or if the gas stove is left on.........things like that. Mixing ammonia with bleach to clean and literally killing themselves from the toxic fumes.
My mother lives in Assisted Living but I see her frequently and speak to her daily.
You may want to schedule trips to see her once a month and plan to speak to her daily so you can chart the changes you 'hear' and see. What you DON'T want is to have her start wandering.......getting lost..........and facing an emergency which requires immediate placement. If you line your ducks up NOW, you can get her placed sooner rather than later, before the major problems strike.
That is my suggestion to you, based on dealing with a demented mother for a long time now. It really is a dreadful disease in so many ways.
Wishing you the best of luck moving forward.
As her POA, I did a change of address to my house so I could pay bills and do taxes.
She hasn't once asked about her mail!
Not sure, but on the change of address form there may have been a section about magazines etc..
It may be possible for her to still receive them.
Best of luck!
You have the ability to manage everything stated in the POA.
This is not sustainable for very long. My folks stayed at home about 3 years too long. It was just a damn mess.
And don't get hung hung up on dementia or whatever diagnosis. You have to deal with the reality whatever the cause.
I finally got my folks in care after a bad fall. They stayed in their home town but after mom died I moved dad to a nursing home near me. Soooo much easier than 12 hours away.
You could do a forwarding and then send mom a priority envelope every week or 10 days. We had someone do this for us when we were fulltime rving. It worked great and we didn't have to deal with all the junk mail and ads.
The mailbox requires a key to open. When I am at her home I get the mail out and she and I “do” the mail. She always encourages me to throw it all away and not bother with it.
Here is a link with a picture of the one I’m talking about.
https://www.wayfair.com/outdoor/pdp/step2-mailmaster-locking-column-box-stp1599.html#2mj2ty79esp-7
See All Answers