My husband has a rare autoimmune disorder - PSC - and Crohn’s. He has entered the palliative care stage. We have no children and his family is scattered across the country. We have a few good friends but we are the same age - Late 70s - and all sheltering in place. Watching a very calm stoical man suffer is difficult. It reflects in my blood pressure. My vulnerable area. Thoughts and advice greatfully received.
You CANNOT be a CG for anyone if you are not taking care of yourself. I know that sounds hard, and it can be.
Make sure you are getting sufficient sleep, to begin with. Talk to your dr if you feel an mild antidepressant would be appropriate.
Get out a little. With COVID, that has been hard. I know the days my DH decides to stay in bed all day (and he's NOT SICK)--it drives me bonkers. I have to get out if it's only for a quick drive and a stop for a cold soda. Or I simply shut his bedroom door and ignore him. (You, obviously cannot do that). But 'pretending' he's not even home is helpful.
I'm not a TV watcher, but maybe you can find a series to fall into.
Good Luck. Be gentle with yourself. Reach out to friends--the good ones will always be there.
I am blessed with friends from childhood but we are all geographically remote and they, too, have issues. I try not to burden them.
Do you have a dog, or any other pets?
Do you garden?
Are you on Skype, Zoom, or any of the other communications media that are far too technical for me to get to grips with? (mind you, I know one lady with dementia who attends a weekly church meeting on Zoom. I was impressed!)
I just wonder if it might be better for your husband as well as for you if you try to spend less time watching him and more time on constructive distractions. How is his palliative care being managed?
You should also talk to your doctor about your health. An anti anxiety medication for you might help. With Hospice you will also have a Social Worker that might help you as well.
My Husband was on Hospice for almost 3 years so forget the "6 month" or fewer. As long as he is not seeking treatment for any condition that would make him Hospice qualified, as long as there is a "documented, continued decline" a person can remain on Hospice.
I am sure the group that you have Palliative care through is also a Hospice so ask about it next time there is a visit OR call and ask.
And you do not always have to be a cheerleader. Holding hands and telling each other..."This really sucks!" can do just as much as being a cheerleader. Knowing that you are there for him might be all he needs at times.
I was sent to emergency twice in a month with blood pressure spikes. _
You’ll have to be stoic yourself and stay hydrated and take time to sit down and take deep breaths. Moreover you might seek anti-anxiety medication to reduce the spikes. It took me a month to become stabilized .
Best Wishes.....
I also highly recommend a stress break, at least once a week. I kept my Wednesday night bowling league. Family thought I was terrible, I didn’t care. Be sure to take care of you, so you’re husband doesn’t have to. Peace to you both.