How often does a dementia patient NEED to bathe and wash their hair?

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How often does a dementia patient NEED to bathe and wash their hair?

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My mother has bathed about twice in the past two weeks and never washed her hair in that time. I just got out and asked her if she would like to take a bath and wash her hair. It turned into a screaming tantrum. She refused to wash her hair and said she would take a bath later, which means she is NOT taking a bath. She goes out into the yard and works around enough that she does need a bath just to at least feel better if not clean but it is like pulling teeth to get her to do it. There is always an excuse of, I'm tired, I'll do it later, I took one yesterday. Washing her hair she says, no I do not wash it in the shower, I wash my hair in the kitchen sink, so I tell her okay lets go and i will help you. That does not work she begins yelling. In reality she DOES wash it in the shower NOT in the kitchen sink. About 40 years ago she washed it in the kitchen sink but never since way back then.

This is an ongoing problem that I have tried to handle every way I can and nothing works. Today I finally told her that if she continued to refuse to bathe and wash her hair, of her own free will, then I will have to hire a home care nurse to come and help her. World War III broke out and i was called every name in the book, and told that "if you even try it, you will find your a--- sitting out in the street looking for a new place to live!"

I do not push her to bathe on a daily basis or even every other day because of her tantrums. I can't take it and neither can my daughter. I don't know that bathing every day is a necessity but honestly can you all give me your opinions on how often she should reasonably be expected to bathe. Prior to the dementia she bathed every single day, not any more.

I am her 24/7 caregiver, daughter and DPOA. I live in her home with my daughter and care for her without any compensation and I actually pay for household expenses.

Hygiene

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My dad showers once or twice a week. He doesn't sweat or smell, but personal hygiene is an issue so sometimes he has to shower more. He is entering late stage ALZ. When he came to live with us a little over a year ago after my mom died, I read in The 36 Hour Day that tasks like showering can be overwhelming for them and that you have to break it into multiple steps. I can't just say, "okay go take your shower." He would refuse because he wouldn't have the slightest clue as to what he should do first. So I just ask him to follow me back to his room and I tell him that he needs a shower and I'll help him. The number of "steps" depends on his mental awareness that day. It is usually something like: take off your shoes and shoes, your shirt, leave your watch on the dresser, get out clean underwear, here's your pajamas, follow me to the bathroom, etc., etc. Once I have started the water I leave him to undress and get in the shower. After he's in there I stick my head in the bathroom and remind of where the soap is and tell him to wash real good and get all the nooks and crannies (he always chuckles at that). And then we do all the steps once he's out of the shower to get him dressed and back to his room. The process usually takes about 45 minutes.

Now some of this cooperation from him may come from the fact that he doesn't recognize me much at all anymore -- especially in the evening when he showers. Often times he thinks he is in a medical facility and that I work here. He doesn't know I am his daughter. Most nights when he goes to bed he tells me that I am one of his favorites here and he hopes I'm working tomorrow. If it seems to make it easier on him, I go with it and assume the role of caregiver and call him by his name rather than "Dad." It works well for us.

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Bathing seems to be a problem with all elders, IMO. My mom was the same way. I went with twice a week, then put lotion on her or baby oil afterwards. She also had to wash her hair in the kitchen sink. Once I just started washing it in the shower, but she couldn't put her head back far enough, so she got water in her ears, and that set her off big time. She also LIKED to have her hair fixed up and her jewelry on, but getting that head wet was an issue, plus, she could hardly stand there long enough to get the job done. I had a seat for the shower, had two washrags (one for me, one for her), I washed her back and front and legs, she washed her privates, so we were done in about 5 minutes at most. I also had a portable heater in the bathroom before to get it all warm, even in the summer, and the water had to be cooler than I thought it would. Most of all, I tried to make it fun. I would tell stupid stories or make fun of something I did and we would laugh, which took her mind off the whole process. When I did her hair, I would talk about how I would fix it or where we could go just to keep things light.....even if we never went anywhere. Hope something I said here may help you.

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What about asking when she wants to wash her hair? Suggest day after tomorrow at ? 3pm or whatever time she is usually "good." Remind her that she agreed to that date, 3 or 4 times a day. On the day, remind her every hour. Start collecting the things you need to do it in the sink. I don't know if it would work, but it might.

Good luck. Also see about antianxiety drugs.

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My mom doesn't have dementia, but she doesn't bathe as often as I'd like her to. She generally takes a full shower once a week or week and a half. At their ages, they don't sweat nearly as much and their skin is dry and thin, so it's not like us younger people who would be stinking to high heaven after a week. My mom also does sponge baths several times a week. But it's a struggle for sure to keep her on track. Once she does shower, she feels great, but getting her in there is like your mom - a million excuses.

I tried what Jinx suggested, setting a date and reminding her over and over again. On the appointed day/time, she'd still balk. So then I changed my plan of attack and would just would go over and say, "We're going to shower now." I learned after one screaming/crying it had to be earlier in the morning, because she gets tired in the afternoon. So try to figure out when might be the best time for your mom and then do what you can. And my mom is like yours, she can't remember a day later something gross (in my mom's case, she had bugs in her pantry because she kept leaving open cookies and crackers around. Bugs crawling everywhere. It was DISGUSTING! She'd forgotten the whole thing a day later. But I didn't. Shudders.) Good luck with your mom...

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Oh my gosh seemeride..... reading your shower time with your mom saved me from writing what I do for my dad... right down to the space heater to the water that would give me goosebumps. lol and by time I am done with the whole thing I am soaking wet from sweat. Not sure if it is hormones or the fact that it is hotter than hell in there.. lol I worked as a paid caregiver and the lady was in later stages of alz. She hated shower time... but I was also a hairdresser for 25 years prior so I would pride myself in doing her hair nice. She liked it and her husband loved it, the daughter......not so much. She said she got her mom's hair permed so she could let it go curly... Oh well I tried, she is a very pretty woman and photos of her before, her hair was always done just so, and her jewelry had to match her outfit. Sad you would maybe think her daughter would have been happy, it wasn't like I was charging her for the blow and curl... Whatever... I guess I should be grateful that my dad keeps himself shaved, worries about the length of his sideburns as well as his eyebrows and he appreciates his showers.. Good luck and hugs to all.

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All I can say is "Parents are sure hard to raise" lol :)

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Twice a week, regardless of whether Mom's washing her hair, i use a dry shampoo. She loves having her hair brushed as the crown of her head itches. [i understand this could be due to neurological changes in general]. i use either Herbal Essences spray-on [wonderful scent] and just brush out the flaking. Her hair smells very fresh, and the loose skin comes out easily. Also, there's a more pricey medical foam shampoo in a pump can, that you just scrub around and wipe out with a dry cloth. Mom's scalp has become a bit too sensitive for that motion, and she tolerates the spraying of Herbal Essences [like a cat, cringes at the sudden motion, despite being prep'd for it]. i'm awfully glad the pharmacist guided me toward the HE product vs. the medical foam. It does a really good job. It's very much worth a try [about $7 a spray bottle] and i hope it helps!

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I googled that same question a few months ago and that is how I found this site.It was the best thing to happen for me. The answer I received was once a week is good. That helped, as I was trying for every other day. Once a week is a whole lot easier.
Getting them to actually do it is the real problem. My mom would rather not,but doesn't give me near the grief, you, and a lot of others go through. Stay tuned....someone here has an answer to help you, I'm sure. Good Luck!

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I usually have my mom take a shower two times a week. She washes her face and body by herself but I wash her hair (I call it "my treat" to mom......having someone else wash your hair feels great!) It's also my way of making sure it's being thoroughly cleaned. When my mom first moved in she would be washing her hair with shampoo the same time the water was rinsing the soap out=hair was not getting cleaned......so.....now I wash, brush and blow dry mom's hair. But boy oh boy did we have our disagreements about shower days, when she had one last, etc.....now there's a calendar in her room with everything on it......shower days, appointments, etc. Sometimes mom will ask "Do I smell?" My answer? "Mom, anyone's going to have an odor after a few days." I think this answer is better than, "Well, as a matter of fact..."

This seems to be working for now. Down the line....who knows? This week mom has a hair appointment so I'm gearing myself up for "I don't need a haircut." (she does) and "Didn't I just get it cut?" (five weeks ago).....then there might be/most likely will be some complaining about having to go to the salon....then after the haircut "Oh, it looks so nice!".......... "Yes, mom, it does!" ;)

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My Mom quit bathing very often years ago, in her 80's I think. Usually just once a week but with meticulous personal hygiene after the bathroom. She broke her hip at 90 but recovered really well and continued to bath herself but only once in one to two weeks. Once she waited three weeks and I told her she had to take a bath. She really got upset with me, threatened to move into a nursing home near my sister. About a year ago, she fell several times, no injury but I realized it was time to help her start bathing. I was shooting for once a week but she was resistant and sometimes we went two weeks. She was uncomfortable with me bathing her though and it made me crazy too. So last February I hired a caregiver to come in once a week to bath her. At first she didn't like the idea of a stranger coming in; again she said something about going to live with my sister. This time I just laughed and said "no way." We brought in that caregiver and now she looks forward to her weekly baths (most of the time). However a couple of weeks ago our caregiver had to reschedule to the next day and Mom came into the kitchen to inform me that it would be okay with her if she only got a bath "once a month." Couldn't help it I cracked up; told her "no way." She really is pretty cooperative now, kinda like a little kid. But just thought the "once a month" idea was too funny.

It just seems to be a thing with some older people I guess. She's still pretty careful about her personal hygiene after the bathroom, she tries, but it's getting more difficult.

How often does a dementia patient NEED to bathe and wash their hair?

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