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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
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My mother insists on paying me if she moves into my home. She is 88 and in early stages of dementia. She doesn't want to go to board and care yet. I feel weird about taking her money, but she insists on paying me something. What's a fair price?
as an added note: I too, like Mylife, left my own friends and home in another state to be here for my mother. I have 3 other siblings who live in other states who do not share any of the responsibility, other than to have her visit them for a week or two every other year or so. One of my sisters has finally started to come here for a week once a year so that I can take off. Other than that, I'm alone in this situation.
I moved in with my mother to assist her after my father died. I share utility and food expenses, but I also have the burden of all housework (I have living space in the basement, she lives upstairs) and all of the laundry and errands. I also do all of the cooking, even on the days that I work. I don't mind helping with groceries, but I feel that the amount of work I do around the home should be in exchange for room and board. I've tried to approach her with this several times but she gets angry and closes the subject. How can I approach her with this?
mylife, I am so sorry for the situation you are in. If your mother didn't need care and you moved in because of your own difficulties, then after a period of getting on your feet I think it would be reasonable for her to expect you to pay room and board.
But she does need care. That is the reason you moved in. Could you leave her alone while you go out and work so that you could pay her? Not if she needs 24 hour care. Check out what a live-in caregiver would cost in your area and show the numbers to your mother.
I left my home to move in with my mother who has a degenerative kidney disease and needs 24/7 care, my siblings convinced me as I was the only one that was available to do this. They now continue with their lives and my mom wants me to pay for room and board, food and 1/2 of utilities. I have no money and would be homeless if I did not live with mom. I could have stayed in my home and fought foreclosure and my job. I left my adult son who is a meth addict and living under a bridge. What a mess. I am 64 and collect $1300 social security which doesn't even pay my cc bills and cost of living. Assisted living is not an option, her house is paid for and at the insistance of my bother in laws, and she can't drive she turned over her $3000 car to me - more expenses for me and only use it for mom's trips to casino and errands. I proposed a contract for care to siblings - they rejected it - said I was lucky to have a place to live as they go on with thier lives in their many homes, golf, trips to Europe on and on.....am I wrong to think there is something wrong with this picture? I am venting I had a wonderful life, friends in an incredible area in California...now I have nothing....it has been difficult, thanks for letting me tell my story.
This is all so confusing!! My mom moved in 6 months ago and I haven't taken any money but now I'm concerned about Medicaid and that she needs to begin to spend what little she has down.
sorry, hit the red button too soon! i think it is important that a) they pay their way so there is a value exchange as we all know nobody appreciates a free ride and in fact giving without receiving often gets used, abused and under appreciated, and under valued b) that they feel they are still contributing and doing something meaningful, like paying their way, or small chores like unpackingthe dishwasher, c) it gets documented so that they and you are clear (ish) on some guidelines and parameters for the relationship, and is a firm arrangement before dementia or confusion step in and mix everything up. good luck!
we also have a specific agreement, that he pays towards his upkeep, 550 per month, but then he pays his own personal expenses above that, eg: nappies/over the counter meds/his monthly bus ticket/his amazonand internet shopping bill/ etc do not come out of this amount. his internet purchases are supervised by my husband. his monthly payment to us is toward rent, board, cleaning, laundry, basic hygiene products like shampoos, conditioners, toothpaste, etc,etc, utilities. it doesn't cover the real amount, but if he paid more he would have no spending money for personal use. we made it very clear on a spreadsheet with an accompanying typed document what he pays for and what it inludes ....not just for him, but also for the siblings who think we are coining it by having him living with us, when the reverse is true. it costs us prob another 300 a month with his growing needs and dependancies, and looks as that is escalating rapidly.
A distinction in what way, teebee? Either way I think it important to keep track to make it clear the money she gives you is not a gift, but for her own benefit. Whether it makes a difference what you call it in terms of taxes, I don't know. I wouldn't think so -- either way it is income to you, but I am not expert. I hope someone with more specific expertise answers you.
Is there a distinction between 'room and board' vs 'sharing expenses'. I have accepted money from my mother who moved into my house. So our arrangement is that she would share in the expenses. For example, electricity, heat (keeping downstairs warmer than I typically kept the house), adding things like her phone, HBO, etc?
jeannegibbs is spot on in her advice to you. I will add some clarification. Charging room and board, if you are to be "above board" (no pun intended) with the IRS may cause an income tax liability to you. Do a search and the appropriate IRS document will come up. A taxable event may also occur if you are to charge for personal services rendered. If you intend on being on the up and up then you may want to look at both options and see which will create the smallest liability (probably room and board). If you will be charging for personal services having a contract as mentioned is essential to avoid problems if Medicaid benefits are ever sought. Whether or not you declare the transactions, make sure you keep records.
Absolutely take her money. Why should the elderly not be given the dignity of paying their own way if they are able to? (And contributing at least something if they cannot afford to fully cover their own expenses.)
Also, please have a personal care agreement or personal service agreement in place, that spells out what you are doing for her, what you are providing, and what she is paying. (Maybe room and board and services should be two separate documents. I don't know. Research that online.) The reason this is important is so that if she needs to apply for Medicaid down the road, the money she pays to you will not be considered "gifts" that would cause a Medicaid penalty. Also it helps keep things open and above board in case relatives start questioning things.
How do you know what is fair? I don't know of any guidelines. Consider what her monthly income is. Consider what she was paying for housing and food before she moved in. Consider what your extra costs will be, and also that this is going to consume enormous amounts of your time.
My mother (92, dementia and severe arthritis) moved in with my sister and her husband. Mom gets $800/mo in SS. My sister charges her $600/mo. That is about what she was paying for subsidized housing and food. It gives Mother plenty of spending money for her hairdresser and other simple needs. Mother is on Medicaid and cannot accumulate much in the way of saving, and she at the max. She has her funeral preplanned.
So I think that what my sister is charging is fair and reasonable. (Not that she needed my approval!) But what is fair in your situation I can't say. Hopefully this gives you some ideas for how to start thinking about it.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
But she does need care. That is the reason you moved in. Could you leave her alone while you go out and work so that you could pay her? Not if she needs 24 hour care. Check out what a live-in caregiver would cost in your area and show the numbers to your mother.
we made it very clear on a spreadsheet with an accompanying typed document what he pays for and what it inludes ....not just for him, but also for the siblings who think we are coining it by having him living with us, when the reverse is true. it costs us prob another 300 a month with his growing needs and dependancies, and looks as that is escalating rapidly.
Charging room and board, if you are to be "above board" (no pun intended) with the IRS may cause an income tax liability to you. Do a search and the appropriate IRS document will come up.
A taxable event may also occur if you are to charge for personal services rendered.
If you intend on being on the up and up then you may want to look at both options and see which will create the smallest liability (probably room and board).
If you will be charging for personal services having a contract as mentioned is essential to avoid problems if Medicaid benefits are ever sought.
Whether or not you declare the transactions, make sure you keep records.
Also, please have a personal care agreement or personal service agreement in place, that spells out what you are doing for her, what you are providing, and what she is paying. (Maybe room and board and services should be two separate documents. I don't know. Research that online.) The reason this is important is so that if she needs to apply for Medicaid down the road, the money she pays to you will not be considered "gifts" that would cause a Medicaid penalty. Also it helps keep things open and above board in case relatives start questioning things.
How do you know what is fair? I don't know of any guidelines. Consider what her monthly income is. Consider what she was paying for housing and food before she moved in. Consider what your extra costs will be, and also that this is going to consume enormous amounts of your time.
My mother (92, dementia and severe arthritis) moved in with my sister and her husband. Mom gets $800/mo in SS. My sister charges her $600/mo. That is about what she was paying for subsidized housing and food. It gives Mother plenty of spending money for her hairdresser and other simple needs. Mother is on Medicaid and cannot accumulate much in the way of saving, and she at the max. She has her funeral preplanned.
So I think that what my sister is charging is fair and reasonable. (Not that she needed my approval!) But what is fair in your situation I can't say. Hopefully this gives you some ideas for how to start thinking about it.