He lives with us. He is 84 widowed for 4 years, met her at church, 3x divorced. Has spent over 500K on this woman in the last year. Home, trips, credit card, etc. He and my husband have had several arguments haven't spoken in a month. He knows it's not appropriate, doesn't care. Doesn't care he is burning through his life savings. His expectation is we will pickup the pieces if he doesn't have any money. Our retirement plan did not included supporting 84 year old fool and his girl friend.
Set up a come-to-Jesus meeting at your house between Ms. Gold Digger & Daddy right away. Let them BOTH know that since Daddy bought her a house, he has to move in with her immediately, so she can begin caring for him in their new place! His money will be running out shortly and the 6K per month she's blowing on crapola needs to be spent on HIS care now, that's just how it goes. She will proceed to dump him in short order and you can then SELL the house he bought her, recoup some of that wasted $$$$, and get the situation back under control!
That's what I'd do, if it were me, because he's thinking with his small head now & past the point of no return. Men. Can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em. But you CAN get rid of their gold-diggin' girlfriends if you play your cards right!
Best of luck!!!
How much has he got left?
The thing is. One thing that does dawn on some people at a certain point is the realisation that "you can't take it with you," and that if you want to spend you've got to do it while you've got the chance. And if he's always been the reliable, responsible type, and his eyes have been opened to the fun he's been missing.... well.
He can go and have fun. But perhaps not on the understanding that he can do so at your risk.
How about making him buy some really good long term care insurance as a condition?
I might sadly point out to him that if he runs out of money and needs help, it seems probable that his girlfriend will suddenly be the one who doesn't care. But I doubt if that would stop him either.
And her? What's she got to say for herself?
Time to grow up son, get out! And have that whore earn that money.
My dad lost every penny in a similar situation, one difference being that I absolutely refused to help him in any way as long as she benefited one penny.
He was mad as a wet hen, tough, because I guarantee it was nothing compared to how I felt about paying for his whore.
Dirty old men
This makes me wonder if there is a way to put a clause in a POA stating that if I start acting out of character, even without a medical diagnosis, that my children can step in and stop me. Really, if I'm fortunate to live to an old age, the last thing I want to do is fall in love with some young Romeo and give him my life savings.
The elderly are SO vulnerable. They may still be cognitively functioning, but they are much less able to be rational and think clearly. They lose judgement.
I'm so sorry you're going through this.
500K?? Seriously?? Unfathomable, at least in my world. Is she scamming him? Elder abuse? Maybe consult an attorney or do some googling on the topic? I'm sure he's not the first or the last guy to be taken advantage of!
Very difficult territory. Sorry that father and son are estranged over this. Leaves you in one heck of an awkward situation. Must be a little tense around the old homestead??
I guess you could say it's his money, he can do what he wants with it which may technically be true but I think she could be totally manipulating and using him and I would imagine your hubby is not thrilled to see all your dad's money going to a stranger vs being used for himself or for his own family.
I can guarantee that when Dad finally blows through his money, his chickie will disappear as well. If, at that point, he expects you to support him and you do, that’s insane. If your husband gives any indication that this is what will happen, I would take steps now to prevent myself from losing all MY money. Have your Social Security check, if you get one, deposited into your own account. You are entitled to half of the assets and I would see an attorney to make sure those are protected from being used to support your FIL
Your FIL cannot be reasoned with because right now, he’s thinking with his...well, you know. Hubby should not waste his time arguing with his father. This is a Life Lesson FIL needs to learn on his own. It will be difficult for your husband to just remain quiet, but this is what he needs to do. This is why I’ve suggested getting FIL out of your home. If he is in need of care, turn him over to the chickie. She’ll disappear even faster then.
How sure are you about the numbers, exactly, and how do you know what he's spending?
What actual conversations have been had? For example: you say "his expectation is we will pick up the pieces if he doesn't have any money." H'm. Is that his real expectation, or the sort of thing that gets shouted during an argument?
At a very low point, I once heard myself sobbing to my SIL that it would help if my brother could have a conversation instead of picking a fight. When there are many, complicated emotions in the mix it can be very difficult to *talk*. Are you involved or are you staying out of it and ducking crossfire?
I would be in favor of eviction. He clearly can support himself.
Me too! Smart answer.