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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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Your wife asked what about the children? Whose children did she appear to think they were, and what did she want to know about them?
What was the context?
What did you say in response?
There are two things, I suppose, that worry you about this: #1, why is she suddenly expressing concern about children who aren't real (?); #2, what are her feelings about losing her mind.
So investigate the first, try to find out what train of thought led to this false belief, follow it until you reach whatever connections with her real life there might be; and with the second, reassure her not that she isn't losing her mind (your profile page says she is living with Alzheimers/dementia, so she pretty much by definition IS losing her mind), but that you are there for her, all is and shall be well, and that even if she is she's still got plenty left yet.
Has she been officially diagnosed with Alzheimer's/dementia, or are you just noticing these changes in her and are assuming she has it? I would start with getting a diagnosis, then when she says that she thinks she's losing her mind, you can say, well if you remember honey the doctor did say that you have some form of dementia, so that is a pretty common feeling. But don't worry, I'll be right here with you. Or you can just say something like, I know how you feel, there's times when I feel like I'm losing my mind too. She may not remember from one day to the next what is being said, but perhaps just knowing that you're by her side in this might just be enough to keep her calm. Best wishes as you travel this road with your dear wife.
My mother with dementia would say this all the time: I think I'm losing my mind, which in fact, she was. When a loved one is diagnosed with Alz/dementia and they KNOW something is wrong, it's a sad thing, really.
Mom would always think my children were babies when they're 29 and 36 years old now. She was always asking about the 'babies' and when we'd show her a video of her great grandson, she'd insist he was in the room with her, and begin looking for him everywhere.
You may want to get your wife a baby doll to love on. Many dementia/ALZ patients get great joy caring for a baby doll b/c it reminds them of when they were young moms with a purpose, caring for their young children. You can get one inexpensively on eBay here:
Just say to her that there aren't any children around at the moment, or something to that effect. Then distract her. That's your best bet. Or introduce the baby doll and she may get great joy from it as many women do.
Many times when I've entered my Mom's house at 8 - 8:30 a.m., I find her despairing or in tears, saying that she's lost her mind. I hold her shaking hands and agree with her that yes, I see differences in her ability to remember and learn new things.
On top of that, I somehow (with much persuasion and cooperation on the part of her pcp's office) cajoled her into seeing her PCP twice this month. We are currently trying a new psych med on her, and this week as soon as I can get to the pharmacy, she will also be taking a new brain boosting vitamin.
My mom gets people's names mixed up too. She used to call me by my aunt's name before the dementia got really bad. Now she's taken to calling me by Dad's name.
I always say:"Nah, but you do have brain damage. It isn't a moral failing. It isn't shameful. It's just brain damage" and then she calms down. But, that's just the way it works for my mom.
Agree in a kind way that you’ve noticed she has trouble remembering sometimes. Tell her you are there to help her remember. Say you have a good team of doctors or whatever. Keep it simple and say it every time she says she’s losing her mind. She won’t remember your saying it anyway. She just wants validation, acceptance and reassurance.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Whose children did she appear to think they were, and what did she want to know about them?
What was the context?
What did you say in response?
There are two things, I suppose, that worry you about this: #1, why is she suddenly expressing concern about children who aren't real (?); #2, what are her feelings about losing her mind.
So investigate the first, try to find out what train of thought led to this false belief, follow it until you reach whatever connections with her real life there might be; and with the second, reassure her not that she isn't losing her mind (your profile page says she is living with Alzheimers/dementia, so she pretty much by definition IS losing her mind), but that you are there for her, all is and shall be well, and that even if she is she's still got plenty left yet.
I would start with getting a diagnosis, then when she says that she thinks she's losing her mind, you can say, well if you remember honey the doctor did say that you have some form of dementia, so that is a pretty common feeling. But don't worry, I'll be right here with you. Or you can just say something like, I know how you feel, there's times when I feel like I'm losing my mind too.
She may not remember from one day to the next what is being said, but perhaps just knowing that you're by her side in this might just be enough to keep her calm.
Best wishes as you travel this road with your dear wife.
Mom would always think my children were babies when they're 29 and 36 years old now. She was always asking about the 'babies' and when we'd show her a video of her great grandson, she'd insist he was in the room with her, and begin looking for him everywhere.
You may want to get your wife a baby doll to love on. Many dementia/ALZ patients get great joy caring for a baby doll b/c it reminds them of when they were young moms with a purpose, caring for their young children. You can get one inexpensively on eBay here:
https://www.ebay.com/itm/224405359464?hash=item343f9a0b68%3Ag%3A%7E04AAOSwbH1gYpsD&LH_BIN=1&LH_ItemCondition=1000
Just say to her that there aren't any children around at the moment, or something to that effect. Then distract her. That's your best bet. Or introduce the baby doll and she may get great joy from it as many women do.
Best of luck.
Temper
On top of that, I somehow (with much persuasion and cooperation on the part of her pcp's office) cajoled her into seeing her PCP twice this month. We are currently trying a new psych med on her, and this week as soon as I can get to the pharmacy, she will also be taking a new brain boosting vitamin.
My mom gets people's names mixed up too. She used to call me by my aunt's name before the dementia got really bad. Now she's taken to calling me by Dad's name.
and then she calms down.
But, that's just the way it works for my mom.