Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
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How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Blame, accuse, attack and make up things to anyone who will listen. They know how to "front" to appear vulnerable, helpless and needy while putting a knife in your back. Treacherous behavior when they endear themselves to others while abusing you.
In addition to moving out (well done and congratulations), if you are genuinely concerned that such blame will or could become a legal issue for you (not just a personal attack), you document EVERYTHING, and you hire yourself your own elder law attorney.
It will cost some $$$ unfortunately, but if you are genuinely concerned that something the parent could do or say could become a legal problem for you, it really is a big help for both CYA and peace of mind.
I had to hire elder law attorneys on behalf of my parent to help with his situation. That was paid for with my father's money, for my father's benefit.
But because of his and my family's problematic behavior, I finally decided to also hire my OWN elder law attorney, with my own money, that works for me alone as the client. It's cost ~$2000 in total over approx. six months, and I hate that we've had to spend that money in addition to all the other money my family has cost us. But it has been a huge help and relief having someone on MY side (not my father or my family's) that I can call for a second opinion, as well as to simply assure me that a. yes, I'm doing X right, and b. no, I'm not legally obligated to do Y.
On a personal level, there's not much more to be done than to grow a thick skin and anticipate you'll always be blamed for everything (so whatever). But on a legal level, hiring professional help makes a world of difference. Just let whatever firm know up front that you're not looking to do estate planning or any big projects, but that you need the occasional professional consultation on matters relating to caring for your elderly parent.
This video on youtube has helped me out a great deal. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7a0HjVlD7g 10 tactics to put a narcissist in their place
Believe me there is a lot more peace in my life as well as a LOT less stress.
You can download it on 4k video downloader. Choose to convert it to mp3 so you can play it on your mp3. Listen to it every day every morning untilk it becomes second nature to you.
My Dad blames my Mom and the cat for everything. From shredding documents to changing extension cords. Things my Mom has never "been in charge of" as He does everything and she's never contributed, according to him. Unless something goes wrong. Then Mom did it. And the cat changes the cable box. Its hard to watch and I dont even know these people who are my parents. Weird. They just relocated in August this year.. to be near me. Its almost home health care time. I cant do this either.
Congrats on moving out, such a vital step. I’d encourage you now to decide you won’t accept any blame for things that aren’t your fault. You’re an adult, and despite any family pressures, you’re free to decide what you will and won’t allow into your life. Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend has been a big help to many here, me included. I wish you peace
Congrats, you have taken the first step. Now, you set Boundries and stick by them. What you are willing and not willing to do. You don't need to answer every call. I have my cell set to "do not disturb" only those on my contact list come thru, all others go to VM. Look up "grey rock method" and see if would work for you. Townsend and Cloud have a book called "Boundries" my daughter says is good. She likes the part where when you say "NO" you are not responsible for the other persons reaction.
I loved my Dad but he was not easy to live with. He knew how to push my buttons. I told my brothers that if Mom went first, I would not be caring for a man, He would need to go into a NH. Which he probably would have enjoyed because he loved to tell his stories to people. But he went first and I cared for my Mom until I placed her into an AL.
Move out. If your parent needs daily help they can hire help. Or you can be paid to occasionally help if you so wish to help. As soon as your parent starts to slip into behavior that you do not want to tolerate you leave. You set boundaries and you stick to them. As long as your parent is cognizant they should “get it” and respect the boundaries you wish to establish.
You move out. Hire caregivers to come in and look after dad; or place him in managed care if necessary. The same advice given to you in June still applies now, in December, and will continue to apply for as long as you stay in this situation.
When you have a narcissistic parent, they blame other people for everything that goes wrong. It’s really amazing. I observe my mother doing it all the time. Of course it’s me most of the time because I’m there and she’s lost most everyone else.
"Answered Jun 18, 2021 I am in a similar position. Look after yourself. We have been brought up to believe it's our responsibility to take anything off them. There will lies whatever we do. I am at breaking point. I have been told to walk away and let carers more detached to take over. Good luck"
You have been programmed to think that EVERYTHING is your fault. It is not. Demonstrably. Step away from whatever unholy mess your dad is creating and let others care for him.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
It will cost some $$$ unfortunately, but if you are genuinely concerned that something the parent could do or say could become a legal problem for you, it really is a big help for both CYA and peace of mind.
I had to hire elder law attorneys on behalf of my parent to help with his situation. That was paid for with my father's money, for my father's benefit.
But because of his and my family's problematic behavior, I finally decided to also hire my OWN elder law attorney, with my own money, that works for me alone as the client. It's cost ~$2000 in total over approx. six months, and I hate that we've had to spend that money in addition to all the other money my family has cost us. But it has been a huge help and relief having someone on MY side (not my father or my family's) that I can call for a second opinion, as well as to simply assure me that a. yes, I'm doing X right, and b. no, I'm not legally obligated to do Y.
On a personal level, there's not much more to be done than to grow a thick skin and anticipate you'll always be blamed for everything (so whatever). But on a legal level, hiring professional help makes a world of difference. Just let whatever firm know up front that you're not looking to do estate planning or any big projects, but that you need the occasional professional consultation on matters relating to caring for your elderly parent.
Believe me there is a lot more peace in my life as well as a LOT less stress.
You can download it on 4k video downloader. Choose to convert it to mp3 so you can play it on your mp3. Listen to it every day every morning untilk it becomes second nature to you.
I loved my Dad but he was not easy to live with. He knew how to push my buttons. I told my brothers that if Mom went first, I would not be caring for a man, He would need to go into a NH. Which he probably would have enjoyed because he loved to tell his stories to people. But he went first and I cared for my Mom until I placed her into an AL.
If your parent needs daily help they can hire help. Or you can be paid to occasionally help if you so wish to help.
As soon as your parent starts to slip into behavior that you do not want to tolerate you leave. You set boundaries and you stick to them. As long as your parent is cognizant they should “get it” and respect the boundaries you wish to establish.
Good luck looking after yourself now.
You wrote this earlier this year:
"Answered Jun 18, 2021
I am in a similar position. Look after yourself. We have been brought up to believe it's our responsibility to take anything off them. There will lies whatever we do. I am at breaking point. I have been told to walk away and let carers more detached to take over. Good luck"
You have been programmed to think that EVERYTHING is your fault. It is not. Demonstrably. Step away from whatever unholy mess your dad is creating and let others care for him.
Please keep in touch here; support is abundant.