Brother wants my mom to wait until he arrives to help our father off the floor when he falls. He instructed her to not call 911 like I recently told her to do for lift assist. Father has LBD, both parents live in their own home and only have a paid caregiver 5 hours a day. My brother lives at least 25 minutes away in an area where cell reception is bad. Luckily his most recent fall did not require a transport to hospital but my mom did not see him fall so outcome could of been different.
Maybe dad should be in a facility? That will not stop or even reduce the falling. It may happen more frequently. Dad's care may be more than mom can reasonably provide.
I don't know where he thinks dad will go if he does have a serious injury, heart attack stroke etc.
About 40 % of caregivers die before the person they are looking after. These stats apply to your situation where an elderly person is caring for their spouse. Your mum is at risk. I would go against your bro. He is not acting in your parent's best interests. Why do you let his one (very emotional and not well formulated) opinion override you and your mum?
One person has to be the decision-maker here, in consultation with the other POAs, and I feel that one person should be your mother. I'm sure she appreciates your practicality and the intentions behind your brother's fierce advocacy, but I'm sure she'd appreciate it even more if you could both focus on just supporting her.
Isn't she the one you're more worried about, though? What are the family's thoughts about your father's future care and what to do about resident brother?
I think I'd stop pussyfooting around him. Your mother's health is more important than avoiding anger.
There's too much risk to your dad by not calling 911 and having him assessed by professionals. Make the call to 911, and deal with your brother's stuff later. He can choose to avoid hospitals for his own health, but he doesn't get to make that call for your dad.
Have you talked to an attorney about how this 3 way POA actually works? I would think that if you and mom said yes, then yes it is. But I don't know anything about how that would work, other than I never thought it would so no need to know the ins and outs.
Is your brother worried about his inheritance because from what you said he sure in hell isn't worried about his parents.
Why isn't he running the drunk brother out of the house, if he is nothing but an added burden, I personally believe he is exploiting vulnerable seniors by living there and not helping in any way. Time he hits the bricks.
I hope you find a way that both of your parents can receive the care they so desperately need.
That there is an alcoholic son also, who stays at home and doesn't help makes me wonder about your mother's propensity to be directed by her sons, perhaps against her better judgement. Since you are POA could you consult with his doctor and get a note to the effect that 911 should be called when your dad falls. That may help your mum to make the proper decision.
A thought re "I still feel my mother has the final say on dads care" The reason younger people, mostly children, are appointed as POAs is that as we get older we may not make the best decisions. The three of you were appointed by your dad for a reason. Each POA has responsibility.