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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Last time you posted your "Going Insane" question, you received 64 excellent suggestions for ways to cope. Have you read those responses?
You can place your mother in a Memory Care Assisted Living residence whereby others are paid to deal with that sort of behavior, and you are off the hook. There comes a time when dementia behaviors become too much for any one person to bear alone at home, and placement becomes the only sane option. If there are no funds to private pay, then you apply for Medicaid to fund their care in a Skilled Nursing Facility.
You can also ask her PCP for meds to calm down her agitation (which is evident from constant rude, mean and nasty insults she's hurling at you).
My MIL is toxic and I had to sever all ties with her. DH has to visit her alone, which he HATES. He was planning to see her on Christmas Day, and the family was all gone by 5, he most assuredly could have gone by then--every day since, he has stated that he is going to visit his mom. I KNOW he won't make it a priority, and doubt he will actually even get there during the Christmas break.
The main reason for not wanting to be with her is that she can be moderately pleasant to him for about 1/2 hr and then the meanness creeps in. He doesn't pick up on the cues leading up to her meltdowns. No matter how bad it gets, he will not leave her 'angry' when the best course of action would be to leave at the first signs of mis-behavior.
My mom has passed, and I had to do this with her. When/if she got negative and mean about someone or something, I would tell her "I'll come back another day when you feel better." And I would leave.
It only took 60 years for me to figure out I could not have a warm, close relationship with mom, or MIL. ALWAYS thought it was me. It wasn't.
It's not YOU causing your mom to be belligerent and mean. Maybe you are a trigger, but that's not your fault.
I agree that a calming med can make for a much better visit.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
You can place your mother in a Memory Care Assisted Living residence whereby others are paid to deal with that sort of behavior, and you are off the hook. There comes a time when dementia behaviors become too much for any one person to bear alone at home, and placement becomes the only sane option. If there are no funds to private pay, then you apply for Medicaid to fund their care in a Skilled Nursing Facility.
You can also ask her PCP for meds to calm down her agitation (which is evident from constant rude, mean and nasty insults she's hurling at you).
Best of luck.
My MIL is toxic and I had to sever all ties with her. DH has to visit her alone, which he HATES. He was planning to see her on Christmas Day, and the family was all gone by 5, he most assuredly could have gone by then--every day since, he has stated that he is going to visit his mom. I KNOW he won't make it a priority, and doubt he will actually even get there during the Christmas break.
The main reason for not wanting to be with her is that she can be moderately pleasant to him for about 1/2 hr and then the meanness creeps in. He doesn't pick up on the cues leading up to her meltdowns. No matter how bad it gets, he will not leave her 'angry' when the best course of action would be to leave at the first signs of mis-behavior.
My mom has passed, and I had to do this with her. When/if she got negative and mean about someone or something, I would tell her "I'll come back another day when you feel better." And I would leave.
It only took 60 years for me to figure out I could not have a warm, close relationship with mom, or MIL. ALWAYS thought it was me. It wasn't.
It's not YOU causing your mom to be belligerent and mean. Maybe you are a trigger, but that's not your fault.
I agree that a calming med can make for a much better visit.