Mom went into the hospital last night for unbearable pain. Her pain doctor was sure she had another fracture, but so far they haven't found one. They did a procedure today to clear out some of the scar tissue in her spine, and tonight she said to me, "I don't want to live like this. This isn't how I wanted to go out". How do you respond to that? I've often wondered why she would want to live with the awful pain she had, but she still seemed to get some pleasure in life. Now, I think, she has reached the point that she doesn't. What now? When your bones are literally disintegrating inside you, no amount of pain medication can keep you comfortable. Any suggestions or words of wisdom?
does that make any sense? no. weve already covered that tonight. its the internet, i dont haveta make any sense.
depression does greatly amplify body pain tho. 4 years ago my mother had a bad manic crash and until her brain chemistry rebalanced itself ( typically takes 4 months ) she would genuinely inquire of me " what is the cause of all this pain ? ". manic depression is a monster of its own too. add terminal dementia to that mix and youve really got a cocktail of crazy.
i could write a book on this crap but itd be such a crappy book that "i" wouldnt even buy a copy.
Her morning respite from the pain is over - it has returned full force. The doctors are now thinking that this might be a return of her colon problem, and that the pain is being referred to her back/hip area. She can no longer keep food down. At this point, we're not really sure what the problem is or when she'll come home.
When Mom is home, she spends a lot of time watching tv or reading her Nook, although when she is in as much pain as she been in lately, she can't concentrate on either. The best thing that can happen for her now is to be able to go to sleep.
Long list, but at 83, she looks good and is actually pretty healthy. She just hurts like h*ll. Oh, and she also gets those occassional GI bleeds. They actually think some of her pain might be an obstruction, and that's why she's vomiting now. I'm not sure how long they'll wait to find out before they do anything about this. They've been giving her stuff to make her go, and nothing so far.
I really think if we're going to make people's hearts and lungs last longer, we ought to be able to find a way to make their bones and the rest of their bodies last comfortably longer as well. Otherwise, what is the point?
i donno. maybe my advice IS bunk, after all my patient died. thats hard on ones credibilty i s'pose.
My major concern is the possible bowel obstruction. Have they told you if they can hear bowel sounds? What is the vomit like? Is it brown and foul smelling like feces.
I do strongly advise you to call in Hospice, they will be the ones who decide if she is appropriate for their care.
If she does have a bowel obstructions you and she have some difficult decisions to make. Hospice will tell you truthfully exactly what your options are and the likely outcomes. Please be honest with Mom and support her decisions. It will be hard for you but she is still of sound mind and must decide what is best for her not for her loving family.
Remember that most Drs see loosing a patient as a failure often personal and are not necessarily truthful about the prognosis hoping to spare the patient and family.
I agree with the Capt that with depression the body can't deal effectively with pain and that pain in itself eventually causes depression. When his mother died Hospice provided pain and anxiety relief for her. Unfortunately the side effects of this treatment do mean that the patient is no longer aware but the end is peaceful and pain free. Please contact hospice today, even if they can not immediately admit her they will be able to discuss her options with you in far more detail than I have. This is what they do,they have seen it many times.
Blessing and hugs. Life is never fair and rarely easy.
I too wonder if there is not some kind of blockage. Your mom seems to have many of the signs that we saw in my dad. He was admitted to hospital with vomiting and pain. He was very confused at the time, so it was hard to get accurate answers from him.
The bottom line is that it took almost a week for them to decide that they needed to do exploratory surgery. It turned out that his intestines were twisted (I had never heard of such a thing), which had pushed his stomach up into his chest. Because it took so long, he was very malnourished and had to be on a feeding tube for almost 2 months to let everything heal.
Had they acted quickly, I don't know if it would have changed the problem with the intestines, but it would have helped with the need for a feeding tube.
I have had to really step in to be an advocate for both my parents. Mom is gone now, but her healthcare was a nightmare. Don't be afraid to disagree with the doctors or to insist for a different doctor if you are not getting answers.
I do feel for you with the other problems your mom is having. My mom had 2 back surgeries that caused scar tissue to wrap around her sciatic nerve, causing 24/7 pain. She was much younger than your mom, but lived with it for years.
It is so difficult to watch our parents suffer. I will pray that good decisions are made for your mom and that there are answers soon.
I'm not ready to call in hospice until we get a diagnosis. I don't want Mom to get the idea that we're giving up on her. I'm not ready to give up on her.
My point was that books might be something she could still enjoy, might help distract her a little. It's something to try.
pstegman - Chemo? Mom doesn't have cancer. Right now, in the hospital, she is getting dilaudid every 3 hours. I think she is blocked too. She's only passed a small amount of stool.
Mom has an excellent pain management doctor. He is the one that insisted she be admitted to the hospital to get her pain level under control when things went south for her this past week. He understands Mom's reluctance to overuse narcotic medications, and knows that when she says she's hurting, she is hurting, not drug seeking. She's a tough lady, and doesn't complain or whine. If you hear a grunt or a whimper from her, it's something that would get a scream out of someone else. When Mom fell and broke her hip, the paramedics that came out told me they didn't think it was broken because "if it was broken she would be screaming". I told them they didn't know my Mom. I was right. I knew that it was broken because she wasn't getting up. This past week my Mom cried in pain, whether she knew I was there or not. She's never done that before. I'm very grateful that we have a pain management doctor that knows my Mom well enough to know that when she does that, she needs to go in the hospital. Period. End of discussion.